Why we all don't have more self value for ourselves

[RR4U]

After reading all these posts. I sit here wondering why we all don't have more self value for ourselves.  We all deserve to be treated with respect! When I first started reading this site I felt that it's great not to be alone and others do otherstand how hard being married to a BPD male or female.  I'm now moving to the sad feeling looking at how many of us deserve so much more.   Yes we all make mistakes but geez they follow us forever where their mistakes are done and over with and we must just move on to avoid the rages.  As time goes on I feel more and more depressed and open to the real truth.  This may never change and its out of my control.  I asked myself over and over why does he have no much control over me and my happiness.  

[C.Stein]

After reading all these posts. I sit here wondering why we all don't have more self value for ourselves.  We all deserve to be treated with respect! When I first started reading this site I felt that it's great not to be alone and others do otherstand how hard being married to a BPD male or female.  I'm now moving to the sad feeling looking at how many of us deserve so much more.   Yes we all make mistakes but geez they follow us forever where their mistakes are done and over with and we must just move on to avoid the rages.  As time goes on I feel more and more depressed and open to the real truth.  This may never change and its out of my control.  I asked myself over and over why does he have no much control over me and my happiness.  

His mental health is out of your control and it may never change unless he takes the initiative on his own to change it.

Have you had a chance to go through the Radical Acceptance workshop?  

What you can change is how you choose to let it impact you and how you interact with him to minimize the damage to yourself.   To that end, how can we help you feel more in control?

[gotbushels]

Hey RR4U 

After reading all these posts. I sit here wondering why we all don't have more self value for ourselves.  We all deserve to be treated with respect!

Indeed we do:) Valuing ourselves and to "know thyself" isn't always easy.

I asked myself over and over why does he have no much control over me and my happiness. 

I liked this typo. It's nice because it looks like your subconscious is telling you he that doesn't have control over your happiness after all:) Definitely check out C.Stein's recommendation because the understanding and acceptance can actually help a non to gain healthier control--there's a 2 minute video there you can start with:)

I hope you get some rest. When I found out more and opened myself to things close to "truth" that you speak of, I found that whether it's sad or cheerful can be up to us.

[Lucky Jim]

Right, RR4U, it's about self-love and self-acceptance, which is easy to say but hard to do, as gotbushels notes.

Agree, he doesn't have control over your happiness, except to the extent that you allow him to have that control.  Sure, it can be discouraging, RR4U, but knowledge also leads to energy and insight.  Change starts from within, in my view, and the only changes that are likely to happen are those that you make yourself.  Waiting for someone wBPD to change is a thankless vigil.

LuckyJim