trying to find normal

[grandmag]

Ok... .strange subject matter, but not really... .

   After this last week, with way too much "stress" from my kid's family... .I wound up with physical stress signs and moved my next appointment with counselor up a little. All the self-care in the world was not helping my own stress level... .time to call in the big guns so to speak.

   When I begin to feel trapped in this chaos, I long for anything "normal" I even think what would all our lives be like if son had married someone "normal" instead of a woman with BPD. When I feel trapped, after too many of what I call episodes, I don't feel normal myself any more. I want conversation with son that would be considered normal, even necessary. I want my grandkids to have a normal childhood. I just simply want too much, and normal is not to be found.

   Then is becomes being frustrated, and angry... .with nowhere to get it out except here (thank God) and sometimes with counselor.

    Here, I don't feel like folks think I dream this life up. I don't feel judged, or condemned, or told to get over myself.

    At times I think I can help someone else a bit. Other times, I am hanging on by fingernails and do not feel much use. It is a relief to be accepted and heard here, either way. For that, I am very grateful.

    Hoping that you all find a lil normal every day.

    I will be seeing my counselor tomorrow. Had a very short convo with son tonight... he basically not going anywhere with it but not yelling either. It seems there must be some change, we shall see.

Can't keep living in the middle of her chaos

[Naughty Nibbler]

grandmag: 

Here is a big hug

Hope you have a good therapy session

If your son wasn't yelling, does that sound like a baby step in a better direction?

Is there something you do to unwind and relieve stress?

[Kwamina]

Hi grandmag

It is clear that the stress was really getting to you. How are you feeling now?

Did you find the session with your counselor helpful?

It is difficult all of a sudden having to deal with a BPD inlaw because your son married her. Do you feel like you have been able to accept or acknowledge the reality of this new situation? I can imagine that this ins't an easy thing to accept and I can understand how this can lead to frustration and anger. Are you familiar with the concept of 'radical acceptance' and the reality acceptance skills? Perhaps this can help you:

From suffering to freedom: Practicing reality acceptance

I am very glad you feel accepted and heard here

Take care