I emailed her...

[Mars22]

Well. i did it. I broke 3 months work of NC    ... and now feel anxious.  I guess its about tempering my expectations. Sadly, because I was painted black and was triangulated with ALL her friends, I have a feeling she probably will not respond after talking with her friends, as she always did everything by committee.

I had to it. Its been building for months. Perhaps its one last ditch effort to see if she can dignify what we had not dismiss the good times. I know that asking a lot from her but. Well I now must deal with the repercussions.

This is what i wrote:

"hey J. Admittedly, I woke this morning thinking about you. It was great seeing you smile last week when we bumped into each other. I know i risk a lot reaching out like this, as I don’t know where you are in your life.  But, i just wanted t say hello and I hope you are in better place now about ‘us’.

be well,

- m


The outcomes?

#1. She responds in respectful manner and is 'happy' to hear from me.

#2. No Response.

#3. Responds telling that she still doesn't want to talk to me. And to respect her boundaries.


I'm so anxious. And somewhat regretting what I did.

[Meili]

Don't regret anything! Everything we do is a learning experience. You did what you felt that you needed to do before you could move on. That's fine. It's done. Now you have the opportunity to learn from it.

What can you learn?

[Mars22]

Don't regret anything! Everything we do is a learning experience. You did what you felt that you needed to do before you could move on. That's fine. It's done. Now you have the opportunity to learn from it.

What can you learn?

Right now? - That I'm having a hard time detaching. And its manifesting in ways that seem out of control.

[HoneyB33]

I totally get contacting her. Remember that in a normal relationship, it would be healthy to contact someone you were in a relationship with. It wouldn't be that far outside of normal, esp if you are hurting and confused.

The hardest part of all of this for me, was being painted black. All the confusion that came with that, and being told that I am some horrible person. And the discard that comes with that. A lot of times it's because you are doing what is GOOD and healthy!

I agree that you should not regret your choice, because you're trying to take care of yourself, you're trying to understand. No matter what her response is, try to not thinking about what she will think, but think about what you think. In light of your message, and her response (or not), what does that show you? Use this to help yourself, and believe in yourself.

[steelwork]

Whether or not it was the right thing to do (and really only you know that), I think it speaks volumes that you're capable of that kind of vulnerability. You haven't shut out the world. I congratulate you for that.

[Meili]

Right now? - That I'm having a hard time detaching. And its manifesting in ways that seem out of control.

I completely understand the having a hard time detaching thing. It really is a struggle. That's kinda why I was trying to get you to focus on you rather than her or the r/s.

What kind of ways is it manifesting that seem out of control? I experience this too btw. For me, it's appears in the form of feeling paralyzed to do anything because something might trigger my sadness about all of it and send me spiraling back out of control.

[Wize]

I would have gone with something like "Hey j.  I would like to wish you all the best but... .you already had it. PEACE!"

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Mars22, What would you like to see happen?  Do you want to get back together with her?  If so, then maybe reaching out was a good idea.  What are you really looking for by sending her that message?  If it's closure, it's doubtful you will get it.  If it's acknowledgment of her role in the b/u, it's doubtful that she will take any responsibility.  If it's recognition of the good times, it's doubtful after she has painted you black.  Hard to tell, but maybe the response you are hoping for is unrealistic?  If it's blame you are seeking, however, there's a good chance she will shift the blame to you!

LuckyJim

[Lilyroze]

Don't regret anything! Everything we do is a learning experience. You did what you felt that you needed to do before you could move on. That's fine. It's done. Now you have the opportunity to learn from it.

What can you learn?

Right now? - That I'm having a hard time detaching. And its manifesting in ways that seem out of control.

Hey Mars,

You did what you felt in your heart to do. Don't have any regrets, you can't change the past or the fact you tried to be kind. Now the ball with reply is in her court.

But your life is in yours. What can you do today or this week for you? Small steps towards your goals or now instead of thinking of her, think of you. Is there a book you want to read, go for a jog, or running, or something that you have been wanting to do for awhile?

How do you feel now that you expressed your feelings and can let the note be?

[Mars22]

I totally get contacting her. Remember that in a normal relationship, it would be healthy to contact someone you were in a relationship with. It wouldn't be that far outside of normal, esp if you are hurting and confused.

Hey HoneyB33 - yes, and that is perhaps the part for the reason too. Part of me wants to confirm that in fact she has BPD traits . Everything I've experienced being with her has pointed to her having many many traits. Its chilling how many she exhibits. So i guess my feelings are if she reaches back out perhaps she gained a healthy empathy towards us. Or, Perhaps part of the hope is that she healthy minded now?. If she doesn't reach out then, there's my answer... that she can't handle the empathy thats involved with 'healthy ' adult like breakups and will never be capable.

I guess I have to see first hand, now that the 'emotions of the moment' are over; after now 3 months she still harbors blame?. If she does then, I have my answer. She wants to continue to show me a uglier soul and not an enlightened one.


Book closed.

Whether or not it was the right thing to do (and really only you know that), I think it speaks volumes that you're capable of that kind of vulnerability. You haven't shut out the world. I congratulate you for that.

Thanks Steelwork - I'm not sure if its good or bad actually but, what it does is leave my heart open to get hurt. Truth behind it is that, she was 'Quiet borderline' that really has huge heart behind the pain. Very childlike and insecure; sensitive. Too sensitive for me in the end i guess. Major personality clash perhaps.  So, while I'm still a bit angry with her, i am starting to learn compassion for her plight i guess.

Hey Mars22, What would you like to see happen?  :)o you want to get back together with her?  If so, then maybe reaching out was a good idea.  What are you really looking for by sending her that message?  If it's closure, it's doubtful you will get it.  If it's acknowledgment of her role in the b/u, it's doubtful that she will take any responsibility.  If it's recognition of the good times, it's doubtful after she has painted you black.  Hard to tell, but maybe the response you are hoping for is unrealistic?  If it's blame you are seeking, however, there's a good chance she will shift the blame to you!

LuckyJim

Lucky Jim - Great question. Please know - I do not blame her for anything, that I know is the wrong perspective. So I'll break it down

#1. If she responds and in a positive way and has empathy I will return in kind. Keep it light and perhaps tell her that while this has been painful for me, I'm sure we are both learning a great about who are through this experience. Wish her the best in her healing and maybe just maybe apologize for letting it get to the point it did. And tell her that, if you really look at it - we hung in there a long time with the pain and that speaks volumes towards how much we we tried make it work... though detrimental in end.

thats all my expectations are IF she responds.


#2. If she DOESN'T respond - Thats my closure right i feel. It shows me the even after the emotions of the moment of the breakup happened, she still can't handle an adult perspective about what happened. And what happened? We are 2 good people that did NOT belong together. Thats no reason to hold grudge. We did as best we could given what we know and learned from past love experiences. And sadly, we are two different emotional spectrums.

I guess i needed to extend one last goodwill gesture given that time has gone by.

Truth is : I do not expect her respond. She clearly doesn't have the emotional tools and never really did. I'm preparing for that outcome at this point and feel now that I can stop wondering.

#3. If she Responds with a mean spirited tone - Gain more closure that she can't and never will be able to handle an adult breakup with empathy. It proves she selfish and that isn;t great quality to have in lover OR a friend. Because right now, I have the fantasy playing in my head that she's not as bad as I perceived.

We have different values in retrospect, wanted different things... it was destined to fail.

Don't regret anything! Everything we do is a learning experience. You did what you felt that you needed to do before you could move on. That's fine. It's done. Now you have the opportunity to learn from it.

What can you learn?

Right now? - That I'm having a hard time detaching. And its manifesting in ways that seem out of control.

Hey Mars,

You did what you felt in your heart to do. Don't have any regrets, you can't change the past or the fact you tried to be kind. Now the ball with reply is in her court.

But your life is in yours. What can you do today or this week for you? Small steps towards your goals or now instead of thinking of her, think of you. Is there a book you want to read, go for a jog, or running, or something that you have been wanting to do for awhile?

How do you feel now that you expressed your feelings and can let the note be?

Lilyroze - I went on 12 mile hike today , 6 of it running and the rest in exposed sunlight up a mountain... in 80 degree weather. I'm actually in the best shape of my life at present. This weekend I'll be in LA to visit friends so... I'm doing my best to live my life fully and with people who care for and understand me

[Mars22]

Right now? - That I'm having a hard time detaching. And its manifesting in ways that seem out of control.

I completely understand the having a hard time detaching thing. It really is a struggle. That's kinda why I was trying to get you to focus on you rather than her or the r/s.

What kind of ways is it manifesting that seem out of control? I experience this too btw. For me, it's appears in the form of feeling paralyzed to do anything because something might trigger my sadness about all of it and send me spiraling back out of control.

Meili - Yeah, i saw what you trying to do to help me focus. I feel bad because I've learned so much on this site about these ppl wBPD traits and that, our reality is VERY different from their reality. I'm too hopeful to be honest but, I gave it one last shot to take it to better place then it was. I'm the bigger person here. I always cared for her and this gesture follows suit to my character.

Sadly, i feel out of the control because i can't stop the rumination and it has brought me out of 3 months of NC. So, its like that self control that alcoholics who fall off the wagon go through. I know I have a problem but don't have the will to stop going in for one last shot.

[Mars22]

I would have gone with something like "Hey j.  I would like to wish you all the best but... .you already had it. PEACE!"

Thats very funny.

[Meili]

So, its like that self control that alcoholics who fall off the wagon go through. I know I have a problem but don't have the will to stop going in for one last shot.

You won't get any judgment from me on that. You seem to have a good grasp on the possible outcomes of your choice. I hope that it produces a healthy result for you and that you keep us posted.

[Lilyroze]

Lilyroze - I went on 12 mile hike today , 6 of it running and the rest in exposed sunlight up a mountain... in 80 degree weather. I'm actually in the best shape of my life at present. This weekend I'll be in LA to visit friends so... I'm doing my best to live my life fully and with people who care for and understand me

Wow that is awesome. How did it make you feel to center back into your activities?

( She says while looking at her list yes, she wrote another note ( to someone special that is giving silent treatment)  as well reaching out and walked/jogged ahem 2 miles... .hey it is a start, no mountains  or hills ... )

I used to live in the mountains and miss them so very much. Being able to walk, climb them or mountain bike is so refreshing, so much peace. Isn't there such incredible energy and beauty within the mountain areas? I use to do that daily.

Will you be able to plan so more of that when you come back from LA? Two different extremes, between the mountains and LA, should be so much fun. All the years lived there never went to LA pretty much Northern was my area. I love the coast especially the Lost Coast.

Have fun this weekend. May you have the peace and rest you need on your journey.

[Lilyroze]

Lilyroze - I went on 12 mile hike today , 6 of it running and the rest in exposed sunlight up a mountain... in 80 degree weather. I'm actually in the best shape of my life at present. This weekend I'll be in LA to visit friends so... I'm doing my best to live my life fully and with people who care for and understand me

Wow that is awesome. How did it make you feel to center back into your activities?

( She says while looking at her list yes, she wrote another note ( to someone special that is giving silent treatment)  as well reaching out and walked/jogged ahem 2 miles... .hey it is a start, no mountains  or hills ... )

I used to live in the mountains and miss them so very much. Being able to walk, climb them or mountain bike is so refreshing, so much peace. Isn't there such incredible energy and beauty within the mountain areas? I use to do that daily.

Will you be able to plan some more of that when you come back from LA? Two different extremes, between the mountains and LA, should be so much fun. All the years lived there never went to LA pretty much Northern was my area. I love the coast especially the Lost Coast.

Have fun this weekend. May you have the peace and rest you need on your journey.

[Lucky Jim]

Like what you're saying Mars, and think you're on the right track.  I'm inclined to expect response #3, but we'll see . . . Keep us posted!

LuckyJim

[Mars22]

Like what you're saying Mars, and think you're on the right track.  I'm inclined to expect response #3, but we'll see . . . Keep us posted!

LuckyJim

Lucky Jim - I'm not sure I will ever hear from her again.

This past evening i have been very anxious and to some extent, still am. I'm ruminating about things that I haven't in awhile. What I'm realizing is, she sees me as the enemy. A person who could never love her and give her the care and attention she needed. That i disrespected her. That I was 'always looking around for the next best thing', that I was untrustworthy and was cheating on her. I'm understanding now perhaps that in her mind, I was a narcissist. So, oddly, she sees me as the person with a peronsality disorder. And, like me perhaps I should be very weary of any interaction.  However, the major difference being - I'm an empathic person so, that lends itself to being much more capable a human being then she ever will be.

She has perfected a way of not sharing her feelings in a healthy way. She never allowed herself to sit in the moment and empathize with me, tell me (in person) in a non-blaming manner that she too was tired of the problems we were having and discuss openly and calmly what we can do change that. In retrospect, she actually acted the complete opposite way and made herself less attractive to me as time went on. I'm resisting the thought once again that — she wanted out of the relationship but couldn't tell me... I believing that now perhaps.

So, has 3 months changed who she is? I would guess to say no. Even though I want to convince myself that she had a compete turn around and is happy and healthy. I see her out having fun while I'm wallowing in sadness ... still!.

I'm a bit sober today guys; starting over with these feelings again , but realizing the yes - I needed to do it and perhaps now it's what I need to feel the pain again, and now start to feel comfortable moving forward. I'm having a hard time letting go; detaching ... have to starter again landing about that...

[C.Stein]

For what it's worth M22,  the last email I sent to my ex was way longer than yours.  I didn't expect a reply since she hasn't replied to anything I have sent her since our "goodbye" but I did feel a bit unsettled for the following week after sending it.

What would make you think she has done a 180 change in 3 months?  BPD is a life long disorder and there is no magic pill for it.  At best one could hope to manage it with some measure of success after years of therapy, dedication and commitment.

[Mars22]

For what it's worth M22,  the last email I sent to my ex was way longer than yours.  I didn't expect a reply since she hasn't replied to anything I have sent her since our "goodbye" but I did feel a bit unsettled for the following week after sending it.

What would make you think she has done a 180 change in 3 months?  BPD is a life long disorder and there is no magic pill for it.  At best one could hope to manage it with some measure of success after years of therapy, dedication and commitment.

I guess my belief was that, I keep it short and light without getting into the past. I tried to keep it more present and in the now. But thats the problem with reaching out again, I could have always wrote more... .maybe mention the 'healing were both doing'...

But now, I also struggle now - I'm trying to convince myself that she not disordered and that I was just bad bf to her when in my mind I know how I was treated and how I tried... she has the symptoms but, again - I'm back to blaming myself again. Standard fair I presume after perhaps having expectations otherwise.

I guess that in a 'healthy breakup', at the very least the other person would acknowledge the act of reaching out. IN whatever way. So, maybe i take solace in that, that could be my proof of who she really is.

Perhaps I must give this some time... .but I feel I'm starting over. (uh)

[C.Stein]

Perhaps I must give this some time.

Yes, it takes time to gain clarity.  At 3 months post trash bin I was a complete mess.  I didn't know what was up or down and could barely function.  Give yourself some time to sit with your feelings.  Continue to learn about the disorder and how it relates to your ex so you can clear that FOG that is filling your head right now. 

[MapleBob]

Perhaps I must give this some time.

Yes, it takes time to gain clarity.  At 3 months post trash bin I was a complete mess.  I didn't know what was up or down and could barely function.  Give yourself some time to sit with your feelings.  Continue to learn about the disorder and how it relates to your ex so you can clear that FOG that is filling your head right now. 

Hey Mars, I definitely concur with C.Stein here: these breakups are awful, and it seems to often be the case that we the nons in the relationship don't really see/grasp/notice/understand what was actually going on in our respective relationships until they're over and some reflective time has passed. I spent a great deal of time pondering how someone that I thought I knew intimately could actually suddenly appear be a completely different and much more difficult person for me. I don't blame you one bit for reaching out to her - I've reached out to my ex a number of times, with mixed results - but you might need more time before you both feel grounded enough to actually achieve something through communication.

Regardless, you're far from alone in this. I haven't seen mine in over a year, and I haven't spoken to her since January, and I still often think about dropping her a line.

[Lucky Jim]

What I'm realizing is, she sees me as the enemy. A person who could never love her and give her the care and attention she needed. That i disrespected her. That I was 'always looking around for the next best thing', that I was untrustworthy and was cheating on her. I'm understanding now perhaps that in her mind, I was a narcissist. So, oddly, she sees me as the person with a peronsality disorder.

Hello again, M22, Don't beat yourself up!  It's common for a pwBPD to project their issues onto the Non.   Yet it doesn't mean you have a personality disorder!  My BPDxW did this all the time.  She was always trying to portray me as the one with the problem, and I was foolish/naive enough to take on this c**p from her.  Poison is harmless if you don't ingest it, so don't accept the toxic labeling.

I suggest you let go of ruminating about how she might see you.  It's all speculation, anyway, and is something over which you have no control.  Plus, to me it's irrelevant.  Who cares what she thinks?  You get the idea.

Keep the focus on yourself and your gut feelings.

LuckyJim

[Meili]

But now, I also struggle now - I'm trying to convince myself that she not disordered and that I was just bad bf to her when in my mind I know how I was treated and how I tried... she has the symptoms but, again - I'm back to blaming myself again. Standard fair I presume after perhaps having expectations otherwise.

I know that you've read my thread and my comments about this with my x. I was wondering the very same things. Is she really disordered, or am was I just a bad bf? I acknowledge my mistakes in my r/s. I wasn't a horrible bf though. Saying that I wasn't right for my x would be redundant though because no one will ever be right for her until she decides to do something different.

When I start to blame myself for more than my share of the strife, I stop and look at the totality of everything. I'll even own causing the downward spiral because of my own fears, insecurities, and problems. But, none of that excuses my x for her actions and choices. Do you think that it might help you to look at your ex's choices and actions to see if you are actually in any way responsible for them?

[Mars22]

But now, I also struggle now - I'm trying to convince myself that she not disordered and that I was just bad bf to her when in my mind I know how I was treated and how I tried... she has the symptoms but, again - I'm back to blaming myself again. Standard fair I presume after perhaps having expectations otherwise.

I know that you've read my thread and my comments about this with my x. I was wondering the very same things. Is she really disordered, or am was I just a bad bf? I acknowledge my mistakes in my r/s. I wasn't a horrible bf though. Saying that I wasn't right for my x would be redundant though because no one will ever be right for her until she decides to do something different.

When I start to blame myself for more than my share of the strife, I stop and look at the totality of everything. I'll even own causing the downward spiral because of my own fears, insecurities, and problems. But, none of that excuses my x for her actions and choices. Do you think that it might help you to look at your ex's choices and actions to see if you are actually in any way responsible for them?

Well, that's the conundrum my brother Meili... Its' a cause and reaction.

I often feel like I caused her to feel and be the way she became. Granted, I said things that retrospect maybe were hurtful but, she seemed to carry a lot of negativity around with her. Things I may have said within the forum of love where one should feel safe to express themselves. But after awhile EVERYthing i said had a negative, critical slant to them.

Example: She is a very pretty girl and very bright, but VERY insecure. It's no secret ALL women sometime struggle with beauty (body) issues. She said to me once that "she wishes was more model beautiful and not that bright or vapid". I told her that its whats inside that radiates out that makes person truly beautiful. And that, I'v meet beautiful women that were b*tches. And told her that 'the really pretty girls' also struggle with issues in their life as well. She yells at me "See ! you're suppose to say that I'm Beautiful!"  — Thats just one of the various examples how she would take everything I said with a negative slant. I had to be a mind reader after awhile... and thus the 'walking on egg shells' would remain.

So, it has become so very hard to try and look back and decipher all the times I was 'responsible for her actions'. In the end, its not my job. But of course, I can;t help but feel that I was big part of it. I feel I perpetuated her disorder. So so sad. I really wish I knew what I know now with 20/20.

[Meili]

Wait, can you play that out for me in more detail? How were you actually responsible for her actions? I am not talking about her blaming you and claiming that you are responsible. I mean, how many times do you think that were actually responsible? Like when did you have any control over them?

I do understand where you're coming from though. I spent a lot of time feeling guilty and thinking that if I had chosen something different to say, or if I had just known that my x was in need of encouragement and support, I may have been able to do things differently.

But, as you pointed out, even doing something that you thought was loving and kind was spun. I am all too familiar with that too. I cannot even begin to count the number of times that I asked my x why she always chose to see everything in the most negative light possible.

[bAlex]

I'll tell you one thing... I broke nc many times with my ex, so did she. I had things I needed her to hear, I needed to get it off my chest and I did. I don't want to encourage contact, but for me it was necessary. Sure, I regretted it at the time because it always ended in disaster and finger pointing. I had many questions, many times I didn't get answers, I felt even more confused, but in retrospect, today, I think it was necessary for me to do.

She admitted, eventually, that she wasn't used to being treated well, instead of telling me the usual "I'm sorry, I tried, you're too this or that, you're not my type, why didn't you do this etc bla bla bla... ." That kinda tells me what I've been suspecting all along - that she has trouble with intimacy, and that I did nothing wrong. She would've always kept me at arm's length, by push-pull, jealousy plots, ex bf's, gaslighting etc and she would never have been mine, or anyone else's. It's part of who she is, I actually got the chance to observe this pattern. I would have been on the chase forever while being with her, no matter what. And I'm cool with that right now.

The need for contact will dissappear in its own time, just like it did for me. You need to find your own answers in your own way. It's difficult if you feel someone has the wrong idea about you, or if you feel you could've changed something in your behaviour, or the past, or change her mind. Thing is, it doesn't serve any purpose to think this. It wouldn't have made any difference in the grand scheme of things, no matter how hard it may be to believe.

I know that telling you all this is basically futile, it's something that you need to experience and discover for yourself in order for it to make sense and hold any type of meaning or value. But I guess I just needed to share it with you since I've been in your shoes for quite some time in the past, and hope that it might help in some way. Know this, there will come a day that you don't give a rat's ass.

[seenr]

Mars22

Just wondering if she ever replied?

[Mars22]

I'll tell you one thing... I broke nc many times with my ex, so did she. I had things I needed her to hear, I needed to get it off my chest and I did. I don't want to encourage contact, but for me it was necessary. Sure, I regretted it at the time because it always ended in disaster and finger pointing. I had many questions, many times I didn't get answers, I felt even more confused, but in retrospect, today, I think it was necessary for me to do.

She admitted, eventually, that she wasn't used to being treated well, instead of telling me the usual "I'm sorry, I tried, you're too this or that, you're not my type, why didn't you do this etc bla bla bla... ." That kinda tells me what I've been suspecting all along - that she has trouble with intimacy, and that I did nothing wrong. She would've always kept me at arm's length, by push-pull, jealousy plots, ex bf's, gaslighting etc and she would never have been mine, or anyone else's. It's part of who she is, I actually got the chance to observe this pattern. I would have been on the chase forever while being with her, no matter what. And I'm cool with that right now.

The need for contact will dissappear in its own time, just like it did for me. You need to find your own answers in your own way. It's difficult if you feel someone has the wrong idea about you, or if you feel you could've changed something in your behaviour, or the past, or change her mind. Thing is, it doesn't serve any purpose to think this. It wouldn't have made any difference in the grand scheme of things, no matter how hard it may be to believe.

I know that telling you all this is basically futile, it's something that you need to experience and discover for yourself in order for it to make sense and hold any type of meaning or value. But I guess I just needed to share it with you since I've been in your shoes for quite some time in the past, and hope that it might help in some way. Know this, there will come a day that you don't give a rat's ass.

I appreciate the insights bAlex. I really do look forward to the day where I don't give a rats ass... I really do.

Seenr - As of today, she has not responded back or reached back out to me at all.

[Lilyroze]

  Mars,

I have a friend that has been there for me for over 8 years, and means the world to me. A misunderstanding happened before and it took almost a year to become close again. I wrote, called to be nice in end and was ghosted for a year. Same friend, he broke a trust and same misunderstanding. Have reached out with letter, calls to apologize for even though I didn't do it ( It does take too and I was hurt at first told him crushed but nice about it) to nothing again. I will tell you if you read my last post to someone what my ex to be has done to hurt me is nothing in comparison to this person I love to pieces for being there for me through all this craziness, and now ghosting me.

So she might reach out eventually. Hope she does for closure for you, but so many don't. At least you are showing her you cared, were the bigger person within yourself for you, and showed her there is another path rather then hate or painting someone black. She might not take that path with you, but you might have taught her something to do in future.

The act of healing will look different for each of us. There is no need to rush—nor a clear timetable for traveling through the unique terrain of hurt, loss, or healing. A traumatic life event, or deep heartbreak or living with the raging and hurt of BPD's are all wounds that have the potential remain in our hearts or minds. The scars remain to remind us of what we’ve felt, whom we’ve loved, and how we’ve grown. They become part of the fabric of our lives. But we can take control of our lives, heal, learn from it and have a better relationship in future.

Sending it shows that led by the heart you did what you felt best to leave the person in a better frame then you last left. The words might not sink in now, maybe years from now, they might be treasured and never told that to you, they might be discarded or never read.

But you in your heart can go forward in peace, harmony and the road of forgiveness. Forgiveness takes many paths and roads it can just be to forgive yourself for getting into relationship. Now do what you feel best, go in peace, be led with the heart.

If she does come back both of you might be in an even better position to have a new relationship, you with boundaries and knowledge and her maybe with self growth and wanting to be better.

Best regards

[KarmasReal]

Hey Mars,

I was giving some of your replies a quick read through and much of what you said hit me pretty hard. I guess I sometimes too, take blame and feel more than my share of responsible. My exBPD girlfriend often asked why I didn't compliment her often or she would say something trying to get one out of me and when I did she said it didn't count then. I guess I was on such an emotional guard with her since I found out how she was I never let my self get too emotionally open. I walked on eggshells in a lot of ways, some not trying to trigger her cruel was, others trying not to become so emotionally invested that if she did anything or we broke up it wouldn't hurt as much. Well we eventually did break up and I'm not too great. I would hate to think how I would feel if I had full emotionally invested in us!