Very childish

[bus boy]

I got a phone call from a friend of mine today, telling me he is getting the middle finger from my BPD/ NPD ex wife's BF. My friend has known my ex's bf for years and always got along with him. I find this so unnecessary and childish especially from a 40 year old man. She is causing trouble exactly as I predicted but I did not expect it to happen to a friend of mine. She tried to drive a wedge between my family and I, her mother drove a wedge between her father and his family. I feel it is only beginning.

[Concerns]

If he is your friend then call him. I am a replacement. I fell into the trap that her life was a horrible mess as a result of being with this person, etc, etc. We lived in a small town and would occasionally see him driving and he would flip me off. Fast forward 7 years. After realizing my true reality, I reached out to him bc I felt bad for what I put him through. We talk regularly now. We basically have an ex-husbands club since I'm now being replaced/been replaced. It's a smear campaign. I believe in exposure so reach out. Tell the truth.

[Fie]

I think this must be so frustrating.

However, talking to the BF will in my opinion maybe cause more trouble. He's her BF, so automatically he will choose her side.  Most important is that your friend knows the truth. For the rest, personally I wouldn't bother.

[JerryRG]

My exgf would drive by my ex wife's place and flip her off every chance she could, yes very childish but after all pwBPD act like 3 year olds so par for the coarse.

Oh and the ex accused me of stalking her?

[seenr]

Those behaviours are indeed very childish.

Is that commonplace with the personality disorder?

I ask as my ex often wanted me to behave badly towards certain people & would accuse me of 'taking their side' if I tried to look at a situation objectively. I would assure her I was on her side and wanted a better outcome for her and was exploring possibilities. But if I didn't agree 100% things could get difficult.

I also found that she could be rude to people who she thought had disrespected her. But her version of 'disrespectful' might be someone she was not in regular contact with, not contacting her. Really weird.

Certainly making abusive signs at people is really poor behaviour.

[bus boy]

Hi seen,  what you wrote sounds very much like my ex. If she felt any kind of a slight from someone she would get bent out of shape about it. In some cases split them black. Trying to reason with her would be 100% impossible.

My ex had a very twisted version of respect or disrespect. She fully expected me to keep my family out of my life and by not doing so I was not respecting her. She was always trying to create some kind of a turmoil.

Here is a very slight example, several years ago while Xmas shopping, a friend came to me to say hi. We had pleasant small chat, she wished us merry Xmas and went on her way. My than wife was totally put out, said how rude and ignorant she was. So you never know what they will take out of a situation. My friends kind gesture was taken as rude and ignorant. We see kindness and normality they see the devil.

[Teereese]

Wow, my exh behaves in such childish ways. If I didn't agree with him or his views on subjects or people, I was blamed for being unloyal by not taking his side.

Prior, during and after the divorce, his favorite gesture was giving the finger to me, my family members and friends.

I had to file reports over his stalking. One time he climbed through a window, into my home. Other times, he hid in the unlocked basement or in the yard for hours. He would follow me when I was driving.

He literally went #2 on a family members front steps and drove by regularly flipping him off.

Police were called and reports filed. He has stopped, as far as I am aware.

Now, I only deal with him via email due to medical bills and payments for our daugjter. He still writes crazy stuff but I try to stick to the actual issue and ingnore his crazymaking.