Wife BPD

[awarlock]

My wife has BPD, and it's a daily rollercoaster now to the point where Im not sure I can continue to be a caregiver to someone so out of control.  She will sleep for one day or two days in a row completely tired.  Then she wakes up either in a great mood or a terrible mood for the most trivial of reasons. Today when cleaning the house she saw a lizard then started going into a rage fit, next thing i know shes in the other room by herself screaming and throwing pillows.  Whenever shes unable to find something she's looking for she goes into a rage fit.  If i leave her alone she calms herself down,  then comes crying to me about she doesn't know why she's like this.  I feel like my daily life is walking on eggshells and Im at the mercy of her mood swings.  I love her a lot but I don't know if I can stay in this unfair relationship and I dont know how to help her.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[lbjnltx]

Hello awarlock and welcome to the site!   We are glad you are here telling us about the struggles your wife has and how you are affected by them.  The emotional rollercoaster takes it toll on us mentally, emotionally and physically just like it does our loved ones' that suffer with BPD.  We have all been on the ride and found ways to get off the ride through the lessons here and the support of each other.

You say your wife has BPD... .is she diagnosed and if so what kind of treatments has she had in the past?  The sleeping a lot is indicative of depression which is common to BPD sufferers.  Being exhausted after an episode of rage is understandable too.  I know I used to be exhausted from witnessing them and even more tired if I participated in them. 

It's a good thing that your wife isolates and calms herself down.  What happens between you two if she doesn't isolate?  How do you interact with her when she goes into a rage?

What do you say to her when she comes crying to you saying she doesn't understand why she acts that way?  One of the hallmarks of BPD is low distress tolerance.  Lost keys, ants in the pantry, running late... .all trigger anger/rage/acting out behavior.   

Learning about BPD and how it manifests in our loved ones can help us get a perspective on what we can do, shouldn't do, and how to deal with it all.  I hope to hear back from you soon.

lbjnltx

[BestVersionOfMe]

Sorry about your situation, I know how draining it can be.  The tools on this site are great to gain perspective on the disorder and why things occur.  It is common for the smallest things to be extremely intense for our BPD partners.  Something that might be mildly irritating to us nons can send someone with BPD to a place that we probably never experience.  The emotions their are experiencing are very really to them, even if it makes no sense to us.  I would just disengage as much as possible, but with compassion.  If you get pissed off each time they do this, it will only escalate.  I read once that these outbursts are kind of a good thing since they release pressure off the pressure cooker.