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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Bpd relationship, Good luck, Bad luck?  (Read 468 times)
JerryRG
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« on: June 25, 2016, 10:33:24 PM »

Good Luck Bad Luck!

There is a Chinese story of a farmer who used an old horse to till his fields. One day, the horse escaped into the hills and when the farmer's neighbors sympathized with the old man over his bad luck, the farmer replied, "Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?" A week later, the horse returned with a herd of horses from the hills and this time the neighbors congratulated the farmer on his good luck. His reply was, "Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?"

Then, when the farmer's son was attempting to tame one of the wild horses, he fell off its back and broke his leg. Everyone thought this very bad luck. Not the farmer, whose only reaction was, "Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?"

Some weeks later, the army marched into the village and conscripted every able-bodied youth they found there. When they saw the farmer's son with his broken leg, they let him off. Now was that good luck or bad luck?

Who knows?

Everything that seems on the surface to be an evil may be a good in disguise. And everything that seems good on the surface may really be an evil. So we are wise when we leave it to God to decide what is good fortune and what misfortune, and thank him that all things turn out for good with those who love him.

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Lilyroze
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« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2016, 10:47:32 PM »

Hello Jerry 

Always loved this story, thanks for sharing. Great reminder for the path I am meditating on.

Hope all is going better for you with ex and your son.
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Leonis
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Relationship status: Separated
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« Reply #2 on: June 26, 2016, 03:06:34 AM »

You know, I kept thinking that my experience must have been some sort of bad luck. Perhaps, like the story says, who knows?

It's very difficult to imagine anything good that came out of this relationship, especially when I feel like I've become a worse person than I was before. But, we all keep going one way or another.

Thanks for sharing this.
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Herodias
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« Reply #3 on: June 26, 2016, 08:54:40 AM »

You know, I kept thinking that my experience must have been some sort of bad luck. Perhaps, like the story says, who knows?

It's very difficult to imagine anything good that came out of this relationship, especially when I feel like I've become a worse person than I was before. But, we all keep going one way or another.

Thanks for sharing this.

Why do you feel like a worse person? I feel like I have become a better person. More knowledgeable and having set boundaries for the first time in my life, I feel like I finally care about myself for once. Turn the story around... .I went through hell... .I can call it bad luck, because I could have easily had it go better instead of worse. But I didn't pay attention in the beginning. I will never do this to myself again. Try and look at it as a life lesson.
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Leonis
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Relationship status: Separated
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« Reply #4 on: June 26, 2016, 08:06:10 PM »

Why do you feel like a worse person? I feel like I have become a better person. More knowledgeable and having set boundaries for the first time in my life, I feel like I finally care about myself for once. Turn the story around... .I went through hell... .I can call it bad luck, because I could have easily had it go better instead of worse. But I didn't pay attention in the beginning. I will never do this to myself again. Try and look at it as a life lesson.

I guess worse person in the sense that I found myself not as uppity as I used to. I've become even more cynical about people and things.

Sure, the knowledge I gained throughout this experience may seem valuable, but in reality, completely unnecessary for dealing with normal situations. What good does this lesson serve me? That I know how to handle another BPD-esque relationship? Nah, this experience doesn't even help pick out the crazies from the normal ones.
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