Revenge, vindication and validation

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Is it wrong that I am eagerly awaiting the day that my ex's next relationship bursts into flame?  My feelings of anger, disgust and shame over having been duped, lied to, used, and rejected have left me with a lot of ugly feelings.  I am glad that I have this forum where no one is going to judge me.  Knowing what I know about borderline relationships, none of them last for long (or rather, if there is a cycle of break-ups and reunions, the good times do not last long).  I have also read that the next sucker in the line of lovers will probably do no better than I did.  In fact, if this current girlfriend manages to stay with him longer, it's most probably a sign that she is pretty wounded.  I'll admit that even though I broke up with him, my pride is hurt and I feel less than.  I'd like to get to the place where I don't need external validation for feelings, but here I am.  I want everyone to see that he is a sick, mean, narcissistic, predator.  The irony is, unless a person is in the middle of the storm, other people don't really care that much.  After all, reality television is much more interesting.  Lol. 

[Sarah May]

Is it wrong that I am eagerly awaiting the day that my ex's next relationship bursts into flame?  My feelings of anger, disgust and shame over having been duped, lied to, used, and rejected have left me with a lot of ugly feelings.  I am glad that I have this forum where no one is going to judge me.  Knowing what I know about borderline relationships, none of them last for long (or rather, if there is a cycle of break-ups and reunions, the good times do not last long).  I have also read that the next sucker in the line of lovers will probably do no better than I did.  In fact, if this current girlfriend manages to stay with him longer, it's most probably a sign that she is pretty wounded.  I'll admit that even though I broke up with him, my pride is hurt and I feel less than.  I'd like to get to the place where I don't need external validation for feelings, but here I am.  I want everyone to see that he is a sick, mean, narcissistic, predator.  The irony is, unless a person is in the middle of the storm, other people don't really care that much.  After all, reality television is much more interesting.  Lol. 

[Wize]

Is it wrong that I am eagerly awaiting the day that my ex's next relationship bursts into flame?  My feelings of anger, disgust and shame over having been duped, lied to, used, and rejected have left me with a lot of ugly feelings.  I am glad that I have this forum where no one is going to judge me.  Knowing what I know about borderline relationships, none of them last for long (or rather, if there is a cycle of break-ups and reunions, the good times do not last long).  I have also read that the next sucker in the line of lovers will probably do no better than I did.  In fact, if this current girlfriend manages to stay with him longer, it's most probably a sign that she is pretty wounded.  I'll admit that even though I broke up with him, my pride is hurt and I feel less than.  I'd like to get to the place where I don't need external validation for feelings, but here I am.  I want everyone to see that he is a sick, mean, narcissistic, predator.  The irony is, unless a person is in the middle of the storm, other people don't really care that much.  After all, reality television is much more interesting.  Lol. 

Pretty dang normal thoughts.  I've wished many ill things against my stbx wife. I still do, especially now that I'm having to interact with her daily due to divorce proceedings. Every time she opens her mouth garbage spills out and I get immediately triggered to anger. These feelings will die down over time.  Over time I will continue to forgive her until I no longer harbor ill thoughts for her... .or thoughts of any kind.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Sarah May, No, I don't think it's wrong to have angry feelings towards your Ex.  What I would caution you about is acting out on those feelings.  Instead, I suggest embracing your feelings.  Look at them and just observe, without judging them as good or bad.  They are part of you, your authentic self.  Acknowledging your feelings is about accepting yourself.  You could also taking proactive steps to process your feelings.  Posting here is one way.  Another might be to write about them, or to talk to a close friend/family member about them.  There are plenty of other ways, but that will give you a good start.  You might also look at your recent break-up as an opportunity for growth, as well as a lesson in what to avoid next time.

LuckyJim 

[JerryRG]

I still get angry at my exgf and I now have choices so I can deal in a much more healthy way.

1. Realize pwBPD are sick and don't change

2. Forgiveness (them and ourselves) works, (not my idea and I don't like it but it works)

3. Realize what their new partner is in for and just laugh.

4. Focus our attention and energy on loving and caring for ourselves.

5. Work on understanding the reason we would stay involved with people who are so dysfunctional.

6. Alow our feelings to flow, resistance only prolongs our recovery.

I'm no professional but these work for me.

"When angry count to 10, when very angry swear"

Mark Twain

Lol, OH! AND LAUGH AS MUCH AS YOU CAN!

Hope you feel better Sarah 

[Sarah May]

Thank you everyone!

[woundedPhoenix]

I'd like to get to the place where I don't need external validation for feelings, but here I am.

Well, look back at what looking for the external validation brought you in that relationship.

Isn't this the main issue that we non's have, that we expect a disordered person to see us whole, and validate us as such?

That we were propelled to regain this validation, and crawled through extreme emotional abuse and validate them despite everything in the hope that some day that wonderful validating feeling during the honeymoon phase would return.

Validation is what mades us sitting ducks in the end.

[insideoutside]

My anger is raging today; I'm frustrated and feel tearful and it's coming out in such a rage.  I'm ashamed at the tirade of expletives that just fell out of my mouth due to something unrelated to my pwBPD but the frustration building from that has just erupted in to full blown anger.  I actually want to hurt myself today to make the pain go away.

Hope you feel better x

[seenr]

That won't help you but posting more here might?

Please don't hurt yourself.

I actually want to hurt myself today to make the pain go away.

[Lucky Jim]

JerryRG: Like what you are saying and agree with everything on your list!  Works for me, too.  LuckyJim

[woundedPhoenix]

1. Realize pwBPD are sick and don't change

2. Forgiveness (them and ourselves) works, (not my idea and I don't like it but it works)

3. Realize what their new partner is in for and just laugh.

4. Focus our attention and energy on loving and caring for ourselves.

5. Work on understanding the reason we would stay involved with people who are so dysfunctional.

6. Alow our feelings to flow, resistance only prolongs our recovery.

Excellent list, I have already cycled through all your 6 points today.

Can I order these printed on a T-shirt please... .Or a coffee mug... .I think it's time for bpdfamily merchandise :-)