Can't? Oh Yes I Can

[JerryRG]

We all know how powerful words can be, how words can impact us especially the hurtful words said to us by our exBPD partners

What I focus on now is the words I speak to myself.

One of the most useless words I must remove from my vocabulary is "can't"

There isn't anything I cannot do if work hard enough to achieve it.

My BPDxgf tried to make me feel like a failure, I couldn't do anything right but only through her distorted eyes. Her vision is no longer my reality.

What words do you use when you speak to yourself that need to change for your recovery?

I believe how we talk to ourselves is critical to our wellbeing.

[bunny4523]

Hi Jerry,

I have a post it note up on my monitor at work that says "You are a good person and it is ok to be happy, smile!"  I work with my exBPD and sometimes the anxiety of triggering him gets to me and the memories of the mean things he has said come flooding in... .

Bunny

[seenr]

JerryRG,

As usual, reading your posts makes me feel instantly better.

Here are a few of the things I heard said about me by ex:

1 – You have no ambition, you want to live in this sh*thole of a house for the rest of your life

2 – I wanted it all and you didn’t. I had to press you to move in together, get engaged, have a baby together

3 – You are lazy, you never clean the house, you never do anything to show me you are interested in being a partner

4 – You have no shared interests with me, you never want to do anything with me

5 – You are the meanest man I’ve ever met

6 – You are a horrible person

I’m working on flipping the thinking around to this:

1 – I am ambitious, I want to live in a nice house and have a good standard of living. I believe that sharing a house with someone though, means you need to get the relationship with them right first, then build upon that.

2 – I wanted it all too. I admit I wanted it at a slower pace than you did but I did want all of that with you.

3 – I am not lazy. A number of times you have stepped out of the house and I have completed a list of cleaning tasks that took me approx. 2 hours and left the house in a good condition.

4 – I like to go running with you and I would love to cook for you, but any time I try to cook for you, you stop me from doing so

5 – I am not mean. I admit that I like to put money away for our Son’s future, however I have made every effort to ensure we have all of the things we need and that we can enjoy a good standard of living together

6 – I think I am an ok guy. I realise that you might not like certain traits of mine but I try to treat people fair and take responsibility for my actions.

Quote from My Sister: You have a lot to offer someone.