I Knew Better

[atomic popsicles]

I talked with him last night. He seemed non-delusional. Missed me, loved me, whatever. So dumb me, I went to bed fantasizing of making this work, blah blah blah. 4 hours later I got a text from him that about mind control and the same allegations that I was playing him or complicit in some grand 20 years hoax against him.

I got angry. So, I called him and asked him point blank about the divorce. He doesn't know, he's trying not to be homeless. I think he has literally given it no thought.


I think I am going insane! I don't understand mental illness. I don't want to hurt anymore!

[JerryRG]

Hello ap

I went to an Alanon meeting tonight, I have 3 devotions I read for Alanon and 2 for AA.

The Alanon readings were about helping ourselves because if we wait for the others to get well before we do, it may never happen. I hung on to my relationship for 4 years in the hope things would improve, I improved myself and she's still the same. I would be lost if I were still back there with her.

I hope I helped, I'm new to this too.

[Reforming]

Hi Atomic,

I realise that things are very hard right now. I found the first few weeks after separating overwhelming and any contact very upsetting.

From what you've written your stbx has a lot going on. Drug addiction, PTSD, and potential BPD as well. That's very sad and it's an awful lot for anyone to deal with. I really hope he can find the strength to heal but that could take a lot of time and there are no guarantees.

I can also completely understand your desire to help him heal and get better. I really wanted to help my ex get better - to be the person I believed she could be. It took a long time to recognise that no matter how much I wanted her to get better I did not have the power or the right to make her choices for her.

Mental illness is very hard for the sufferer but it's also very hard for the people who love and live with them because they feel so powerless.

The only thing that I could change were my own circumstances and when I was healing I chose to prioritise my own self care and be somewhere safe. For me that meant putting down boundaries to protect myself and distancing myself from my ex. I was so angry and hurt that any contact was destructive and unsettling. I tried to stop looking to my ex for answers and that was really hard.

What do you think is the best course of action for you right now.

What are your priorities?

Thanks for sharing

Reforming

[woundedPhoenix]

Yeah Atomic,

i know these kinds of situations all to well.

Their behaviour and push and pull literally swing you back and forth between hope and despair.

They have these breef rational and stable moments, and even give you all the hope you wish for.

To notice minutes or hours later that they swing back into their self-destructive mode to break all that hope into a million pieces.

Intuitively i knew this was a no-win situation long before i even wished to really admit it rationally, let alone confront my conflicted feelings.

Hope is the last piece we hold onto... .and it only prolongs our pain.