Adult son hospitalized again

[Ln3xG]

Hi,

I have a 23 year old son who has in the past year been hospitialized several times

and is right now.  We as well as he think his dx is def BPD and the state psych

agreed yesterday to discharge on the contingency that we bring him for an

intake and admission to a specialty unit closeby that specializes in BPD.

I have two younger daughters 12 and 16 and am really trying to keep it

together.  So hard, he is so intelligent and caring and my heart hurts for him.

Lenore

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Reforming]

Hi Lenore,

Welcome to BPD Family  

I'm really sorry to hear that your son isn't well. It's so tough watching someone you love deeply struggling with a mental disorder. I imagine that it's very difficult especially when you're trying to look after two other children.

Is it really positive that he has a likely dx and access to a speciality unit for treatment. How you are you and the family? And how is he?

Reforming

[Ln3xG]

Hi,

Thanks so much for your kindness.  It is tough at state psych because they do not do

anything more than just medicate/stabilize.  He needs so much more.  Today was not

a good day for him.  Hoping the weekend is better.  I will go in the AM with something

better than the hospital food which doesn't sound too good.  Our outside psychologist

is calling him later for some support.  His inpatient psyhcologist and doctor are off

next week which doesn't help. Thanks again.

[Mutt]

Hi Ln3xG,



I's like to join Reforming and welcome you. I'm sorry that you're family is going through this difficult period. It sounds like he's going to get the help that he needs after being released with a unit that specializes in BPD. Do you if it's CBT treatment? How is he doing now? How is your family doing? I'll leave you with a link for NAMI, they may be able to provide support for your son. Hang in there.

https://www.nami.org/Find-Support

[Ln3xG]

Thank you for your welcome,

Today he seemed OK but he is on 1 on 1 because of the suicidal talk.  He has to be stabilized

for us to get him out of state psych and into the program he really needs.  Am I allowed to say

where it is?  I am new here.  I am in the NY area and it is a DBT/CBT and TFP which I think

is transference type therapy which sounds very promising for this.  He does not have the

fear of abandonment issue and he is not the high functioning type.  He has the real trouble

with emotion regulation and that's why the recurrent hospitalizations.  Since Feb 10 of this year

he has only been home 2 weeks and 3 days.  His sisters really miss him.  My husband does

not want to visit him at the psych ward(he finds it tough to handle) and our daughters

get very disrupted after going through all the locked doors.  It's funny I just go and go

because if I don't who will?  I see all the mothers signing in and bringing all the food and

it makes me think of my old Italian grandmother's saying although in English it sounds

different:  here goes:

A mother can take care of 5 children but 5 children can't take care of a mother... .

(my mom was one of 5) 

My mom was alive 10 years ago when I went through breast cancer and she used to

come with me to all my appts.  The first chemo I did the nurse dragged the rod over

to her!  She would have taken it for me if she could have.  God watch over all of

us mothers... .and fathers too!

[Reforming]

Hi there,

It makes sense that they want to stabilise him before they release him, especially if he's feeling suicidal though it doesn't make it any easier for you. Visiting a loved one in psych ward is tough and it's even tougher on your own. It sounds like you have a lot on your shoulders.

DBT uses CBT and mindfulness and its one of the most effective therapies for BPD and it's great that you've access to it.

It's very understandable to prioritise your son's care but it's really important to look after yourself too. Do you have any other support that you can lean on?

Reforming

[lbjnltx]

Hi Ln3xG,

So glad to have you here as part of our community.  It is great that you have access to a specialty facility that does DBT and TFT.  Is the hospital recommending any medications to help him level out any depression or anxiety?  Stabilization and pharmaceuticals is their line of work, and making a discharge treatment plan too.

Is the outpatient program an IOP (Intense Outpatient)?  :)o you know if you will get to participate in family skills training at this program?  It really is helpful to everyone in the family to learn the same skills and practice them in the home/with each other.  The coping skills taught in DBT are good for anyone who deals with ongoing intense emotions/intense emotional situations. It is a great way to take care of yourself too.  Being able to model these skills for your son and remind him that you are using these skills is like 2X reinforcement of what he is learning.

lbjnltx

[Ln3xG]

We as a family definitely need supportive therapy so that we can all do better.
My husband and I don't have any family support.  My parents are gone and
his live 3,000 miles away.  I think they kind of like not being closeby.  They
are very weird people.  Our siblings are non entities, all involved in their
own "perfect" worlds if you guys know what I mean.  They have no clue,
really no clue.  I visited my son earlier and he was doing OK.  I stressed to
him to have short term goals only.  He tends to get overwhelmed at the whole
picture.  I'm sure that's part of this as well.

[lbjnltx]

Have you read up on DBT?  Here is a link to some of the basic skills:

Triggering, Mindfulness, and Wisemind to get an idea of the skills your son will be learning.  As you read them, try to imagine how he will use them and benefit from them.  Then read them again and apply them to yourself... how you will use them and how they will benefit you and your communication/relationship with your son and with each member of the family.
Have you tt the specialty clinic and inquired about the program yet?  Will he be able to attend right after discharge from the hospital?  How often will he have individual meetings with his T (therapist), will he have phone access to his T,  and how often the skills group meets.  Do they offer a skills group for the family and the details of that.

There are additional supports in learning/practicing DBT skills... .workbooks, articles and workshops here on the site, and online DBT skills support for individuals.

lbj

[Ln3xG]

Thank you for all your questions, they are now my questions.  Tomorrow his social worker is doing a
phone intake and then hopefully they will give her a go for an evaluation and admission to the unit.
I am hoping they will accept him for it, he really can benefit from this.

[Ln3xG]

Thank you for reminding me to take care of myself.  It feels sometimes
like they should pull up to my front door and throw me onto a gurney
and take me away.  I think the hardest part is the acceptance of all
of this.  I still hang onto the dreams and hopes I once had for my son
but I am slowly learning to release them in the hopes of him having
a life, just a life and for him to be able to take part in his sister's lives
as well.  They are doing OK but I know they miss him so much.  I
always thought that he would take care of them but now I have to
hope that they can one day always be there for him.  Every day I
get up and thank God that he did not take his life.  Up the street
from me lives a woman that lost her son to suicide a few years ago.
I have watched this once vibrant woman turn to a skeletal chain
smoking shadow of what she once was.  I do not want to be her.
Tears are falling a lot today.  I also have to find another part time
job.  I have had a morning job I love but it's not enough.  All the
stress of the hospitals, phone calls etc. have left me without the
right frame of mind but I have to push forward.  It's so hard... .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders