Husband is textbook case

[Kimtexas43]

Wow, I am so glad I found this forum. My husband seems to be a textbook case of having BPD. Of course I will never tell him I believe this to be true, because it will absolutely get flipped and I will be told how messed up I am. I am happy to see there are others who are coping with living with someone like this. I am ready to get out of the marriage after 16 years and am currently working on a plan. I am researching to get advice on the best way to do this, as I have been too afraid of taking the next step, for fear of the drama that will unfold as a result

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

There are many here who have lived a long time with a BPD relationship and can understand your feeling of enough is enough

How long have you been aware of BPD?.

Have you tried any of the techniques yet to change the way you interact to see if there is any hope of saving the relationship?

It is much better to have tried using appropriate techniques whilst trying to save a relationship than becoming aware after leaving and then thinking what if I knew then what I knew now?

Are there any particular aspects that are causing you the most grief?

Waverider

[Herodias]

Yes, you posted on the improvement board. Are you sure you want out? If so you need to save money and make a plan to get out quickly. Depending on whether or not he is abusive. You can't tip toe around. Once he knows, it will turn into a whirlwind tornado. Know exactly what your plans are and if you are moving do it with police protection or when he's not around. But be sure you are really done as this will cause severe pain to both of you that you cannot come back from... .

[Kimtexas43]

I have always known his behavior is not normal. We have been together 16 years; married for 14. I tried to get out of the relationship a couple times in the beginning, but was met with major pushback, harassment and almost bullying. And, charm. So, I gave in.

Like so many others on here, it's sort of a roller coaster of emotions when living with someone with this type of personality. Since finding this site, I am educating myself on better ways to deal with it and more constructive ways to respond when he acts out. I will try, but after so many years of heartache and verbal outbursts, it is so hard to be forgiving time and time again