How did the exes before you do? Did they recover okay?

[kc sunshine]

I'm thinking about the exes that came before me, wondering how they did in the aftermath of their breakups with my ex BPD partner. I know one did/is doing very badly-- he became very sick from the stress and eventually became an alcoholic. Another broke up with her and seems to be doing okay. There's lots more but those are the two I know. How about yours?

[Leonis]

As far as I know, all my ex's exes got married and have their own families now. Two of them are still in the same state, but several cities away from her. One of them is several states away. Only one ex still has her on FB.

Judging by the timeline, the men are usually married within two years of leaving her.

[thrownforaloop]

I'm thinking about the exes that came before me, wondering how they did in the aftermath of their breakups with my ex BPD partner. I know one did/is doing very badly-- he became very sick from the stress and eventually became an alcoholic. Another broke up with her and seems to be doing okay. There's lots more but those are the two I know. How about yours?

Became an alcoholic because of her? Jeez, that's really sad.

My exBPDw somehow managed to keep the majority of her exes (there were tons) as her friends. Most on Facebook, some she would still call and text. The biggest relationship she had (her "soul mate" was depressed at first, but eventually ended up talking to her on the phone a good amount throughout our relationship. A few of the other guys would message her occasionally, making passes at her, which she would be a bit flirty with back.

But I'm not going to be like the rest of those suckers! They're enamored by her for some stupid reason. I'm going complete NC for anything that's not related to my exstepson!

[Leonis]

But I'm not going to be like the rest of those suckers! They're enamored by her for some stupid reason. I'm going complete NC for anything that's not related to my exstepson!

Who knows? They may find her to be an easy lay. That's why they kept in touch.

[woundedPhoenix]

I would say there is two groups of them... .

The ones who mainly saw her pretty side where initially destroyed, yet eventually saw who she really was underneath and took back their lives.

Then there are those who fell in love with who she really was underneath, and kicked on her dark side. Those are doing very badly.

[seenr]

I know of 2.

One who doesn't talk to her at all. The other, ex husband, does everything she says as they have a daughter together and he stays on good terms with her to see his girl. He is a good man, even if he is a slabe for her. He has recovered well. I do know the first ex had a drug problem after the split - took things very bad.

I don't think she can handle NC. She likes attention & me blanking her is confusing her I think.

[Rayban]

She often talked about her first boyfriend and fiancee she had at 18. Said he was emotionally and physically abusive. Said she had to sneak out to do simple things like groceries, cause he was so controlling. Never ended up getting married. He apparently left the country, and is married with children.

Another one was much older then him. He proposed to her when she was apparently pregnant. Ended having an abortion, when she found out that he was cheating on her with an ex who wouldn't leave him alone. She claims that she had to intervene to get rid of her. Says he never ended up getting over her, and attempted suicide. Recently found out that he still contacts her to this day. This last part was said with a smirk on her face, like she took pleasure from it.

Third guy is a 4 year orbiter, who she claims is just a friend who would supply her with weed, and they would hang out and play video games together. Guy lives 15 minutes away, and would call her, and she would make sure I would know about it. I remember a Sunday afternoon, early on in the relationship where we had spent the weekend together. That Sunday morning, her phone would vibrate, but she would never pick it up. She would go to the washroom with her phone, probably to text him back. Come Sunday afternoon, she claimed she had to go spend time with her folks, as she hadn't seen them in awhile. Asked me to rest up at her place and she would be back in a few hours. She ended up coming back 3.5 hours later. So while I was napping in her bed, she was probably at this guy's place.

[thrownforaloop]

But I'm not going to be like the rest of those suckers! They're enamored by her for some stupid reason. I'm going complete NC for anything that's not related to my exstepson!

Who knows? They may find her to be an easy lay. That's why they kept in touch.

Haha... .well, that's not something I want to think about. Though, probably true. I hope she wasn't an easy lay while I was married to her.   But, it would make sense--she was a hard lay for me.

[Pretty Woman]

It's funny to me. BPD's can be such liars without knowing several of the exes I am not sure what the "real" story is... .

My ex spoke horribly about her exes at the beginning of our relationship... .when she was trying to White Knight me.  As the relationship progressed it seemed like her recollection of these vile, horrible beings would change.

She described one ex as a "crazy loon" who raped her.  She had to have one of her ex's rescue her from this woman. Later in the relationship she describes the crazy loon as beautiful and an organ transplant survivor who participated in the yearly, Transplant Olympics.

Another ex was described as a sex addict. A prison psychologist who she had to file a RO on. Two months into our relationship she was calling this woman for help with my electrical fusebox.

I have met four of my ex's exes and know two on FB, including an ex of one of her exes. That is probably where I gained the most insight regarding my participation in the dysfunction.  I even dated one of my exes ex's and realized my unhealthy view of myself drew me to someone else unhealthy... .

It's no mistake when they say this is the "gift of the borderline". You learn a lot about yourself after being in one of these relationships.

I know we all struggle hoping the replacement ends badly. I am guilty of this. If history is any indicator my ex will not get better magically. She isn't all of a sudden the perfect girlfriend.
This is someone who spit in my face and almost head butted me unconscious. She should be locked up for being insane. It shouldn't matter who the heck she is with.

I should just be thankful I am still here to post and this is another person's problem now.