There is a whole new life out there...hope this can be of hope to people

[CC85]

Good PM all,

A few of you may re-call my story having finally detached from a 4 year relationship back in April, the relationship having been pretty much decaying for the best part of 2 years.

To summarise the 4 years very briefly.
-Met ex udBPDgf in 2011, went through all the admiration, passion, intense feeling that BPD sufferers are all too good at giving.
-Had a baby son together (now 3 years old) in 2012
-Experienced 2 or 3 run ins with the police, all because of my ex's actions in calling them and claiming I had x,y or z.
- Constant lies and exaggerations over ex's health.

Finally in April, after months if not years of almost just living together for the sake of our son, my ex left declaring that she was having an affair. I spent a few weeks stewing and trying to reason with myself but ultimately I listened to my friends, my family and focused on the bad points and decided to try and move on with my life.
Just for fun, and more as a distraction (or so I thought at the time) I signed up for an online dating site. Within a week or 2 I had started chatting to a girl who like me had a child and it became clear within a few weeks we really were on the same wavelength.
Move on a few months, we are in a relationship, we've already spoken about how good things seem and things are looking up. It is so refreshing to be able to live my life normally, not worry about being embarrassed at family functions, in front of friends. It's also nice to be trusted, that not every member of the female species is going to be a threat to my gf. It's also nice to not live for the moment, but to think and plan ahead, talk intellectually about the future. My ex. udBPDgf knows about my new love and has seemingly accepted I am happy, despite begging and pleading for me to go back to her initially. She even kicked the man she was seeing out of touch, as she still "loved" me. I held strong and it was the best thing I have ever done.
That said, having spent 4 years with someone who I still believe suffers from BPD I have actually found that now I am in a "normal relationship" it is hard to "think" normal myself at times... .for example, if I don't receive quick replies to my messages I think something is up. Another thing that is tough to get used to is that in 4 years, I was told every few hours how amazing I was, and had constant "I love you" comments. Now I don't get that, because in normal life a couple don't need to confess their love or shower each other with compliments every 5 mins, nor do I need to hear from my partner as to her whereabouts every hour because in a relationship you trust one another.
I couldn't be happier with my relationship and there is hope out there for everyone going through what I did for 4 years but it doesn't come easy. It's when you meet someone "normal" and start having a "normal" relationship that you realise just how insecure being with a BPD partner has made you. It will take time for me to fully trust someone or be 100% secure in a relationship but I know right now I am in a healthy relationship and that combined with the fact that I still have my son in a regular routine means I have beaten the addiction that comes with being with a BPD partner.

[gotbushels]

It is so refreshing to be able to live my life normally, not worry about being embarrassed at family functions, in front of friends.

It's also nice to be trusted, that not every member of the female species is going to be a threat to my gf.

It's also nice to not live for the moment, but to think and plan ahead, talk intellectually about the future.

I appreciated reading this. Thank you CC85:)

[Skyglass]

So happy to hear there is light at the end/through the tunnel. We all need to read success stories as we get so bogged down with what we went through and we wonder if the future will ever be a happy one. Best of luck to you and thanks for writing about your experience.

[cherryblossom]

 

Yes! Great news! At a well needed time. Thank you for taking time to post. You are an inspiration

[ICantFixHer]

Thank you for the hope.