Intense few minutes texting my BPDexgf

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

So she gave me all the details of her clinic visit, migraine headaches, infected bug bites and her need for rest and medications.

I was and am growing weary of these details and have asked her to stick to discussing our son and leave the rest out of our conversations.

I politely asked her is she thinks it's appropriate for her to tell me everything and isn't that information something her and her bf need to be alone with?

She said her bf knew she showed me the bites, (her bottom) and he didn't care.

I brought up the morning she told me she didn't sleep well because she was alone.

I brought up the morning she asked me to "come up" into her apartment.

She said I was trying to break them up, how could I break them up if he already knows and is ok with this?

She panicked and said she was coming to pick our son up right away, I told her he's down for the night.

She then says she will see him in the morning, and i asked her if she would promise to wake up this time.

She said let him sleep, he didn't need to be around a bunch of lies.

I said I'm not a liar and she will just have to accept I'm not lying.

She never text back.

Can't win, I just ask she respect my bounderies and that's all.

[JerryRG]

So she gave me all the details of her clinic visit, migraine headaches, infected bug bites and her need for rest and medications.

I was and am growing weary of these details and have asked her to stick to discussing our son and leave the rest out of our conversations.

I politely asked her is she thinks it's appropriate for her to tell me everything and isn't that information something her and her bf need to be alone with?

She said her bf knew she showed me the bites, (her bottom) and he didn't care.

I brought up the morning she told me she didn't sleep well because she was alone.

I brought up the morning she asked me to "come up" into her apartment.

She said I was trying to break them up, how could I break them up if he already knows and is ok with this?

She panicked and said she was coming to pick our son up right away, I told her he's down for the night.

She then says she will see him in the morning, and i asked her if she would promise to wake up this time.

She said let him sleep, he didn't need to be around a bunch of lies.

I said I'm not a liar and she will just have to accept I'm not lying.

She never text back.

Can't win, I just ask she respect my bounderies and that's all.

[Fr4nz]

Lol, that's tons of drama! It seems she's subjected to some kind of biblical apocalypse... .like the plagues of Egypt! :D

In reality, I think she's just struggling to get your attention... .how are things between her and her bf? My bet is that their relationship is not so rosy... and that, somehow, she's "keeping the door" open with you. Poor guy.

Anyway, if you're able... .laugh these things off, in my opinion she's just trying to create tensions and drama out of nothing. Stay focused on your child.

[Wize]

You need BIFF, Jerry.  Not the guy from Back to the Future.  And ignore any posts that aren't directly related to business/parenting.  Boundaries... .you know this.

[JerryRG]

Thank you Fr4nz, Wize

I'm kinda worried, I have a chance at getting my son in the best daycare in our community and because I cannot rely on mom to take him on any consistent basic I'm missing a lot of work. No money no daycare no job no money no daycare and the circle continues.

I signed him up about 20 months ago?

She's impossible to get along with unless a person loves chaos, drama and manipulation

[Fr4nz]

Thank you Fr4nz, Wize

I'm kinda worried, I have a chance at getting my son in the best daycare in our community and because I cannot rely on mom to take him on any consistent basic I'm missing a lot of work. No money no daycare no job no money no daycare and the circle continues.

I signed him up about 20 months ago?

She's impossible to get along with unless a person loves chaos, drama and manipulation

Perhaps you may want to consider this... .try to see the relationship with your ex as a "business" relationship, in line with the BIFF suggestion Wize gave you.

Sometimes, if you see things from the right perspective and behave consequently, it can greatly help... .

[JerryRG]

I agree Fr4nz

She's using control to get my attention and sympathy and I'm trying to control her by making her stop controlling me. I thought I would try to convince her to respect my bounderies but it didn't work.

Thanks again

[flourdust]

You won't convince her to enforce your boundaries. That's not how it works.

YOU need to enforce your boundaries. If your boundary is not to discuss her personal life, then you need to withdraw from the conversation when she does that. Ignore and delete the texts, say goodbye and hang up the phone, walk away. Don't stick around telling her to stop talking to you about these things. That's not enforcing a boundary -- that's getting into a fight.

If you're being bitten by mosquitos, you don't yell at the mosquitos to stop it. You go inside and get away from them.

[JerryRG]

Thank you flourdust

I have to skim through her texts to find out about my son or her intention of picking him up or dropping him off. That's when I get frustrated, because I have to read the nonsense to find the answers.

I certainly agree with you, I try to limit each conversation and I do walk away. I don't wish to fight with her.

I would like mutual respect but again, my expectations are not going to materialize anytime soon.

Thanks again everyone

[seenr]

Hi JerryRG,

I have said it before many times but you & I are in a very similar position. My ex does not flash me or suggest us being together, but there is constant drama and she is often very well dressed when we handover my son. Yes she is gorgeous, I do fancy her quite a lot, but I cannot live with the drama. Her own daughter has told her she is a drama queen.

I have gone completely no contact. It has been extremely difficult and I still have moments where my chest feels like it is going to burst, if I think of her with someone else. But then I just realise that us together meant drama, chaos, conflict and I don't want my little boy to live like that.

If she ever tries to reconcile, I have my 5 boundary items in place that are deal breakers. She will never observe them. So no contact, sticking to agreed times and totally ignoring her on anything unless it is to do with my Son is how I operate. She is finding that difficult as she expected me to paint her black and I didn't.

You seem like a Dad of sound mind and willing to give your son the best life you can. Think of him and his future any time the drama kicks off. That's what I do.

[JerryRG]

Thank you seenr

I try and I do ignore her and you are right, our son is the focus here not her nor I.

She has not text me since last night to even inquire how our son is doing. Or she's still asleep or on another death bed awaiting the reaper. A good friend said that when I get upset because she's lost interest in our son to remind myself that he is much better off in my care.

Any fool would agree with this statement and I have to allow the facts to speak for themselves.

I must remain positive and fearless in the face of my son's mother's disorder, and fight for our sons best interest and make the best choices for him and myself.

Fear of my exgf is just an illusion she created to control me.

NOT ANYMORE!

Thanks again for the helpful support

[flourdust]

Thank you flourdust

I have to skim through her texts to find out about my son or her intention of picking him up or dropping him off. That's when I get frustrated, because I have to read the nonsense to find the answers.

This may sound silly ... .but when I'm skimming through my wife's long histrionic emails or texts to see if there's anything relevant, I'll say aloud "Blah blah blah... ." Just to remind myself that I don't have to care.

[JerryRG]

Thank you flourdust

I just dropped our son off with his mother in front of the police building so if she tries to do anything suspicious the cameras would be evidence. I asked her to respect my boundaries and I am no longer in her life. She was talking to me while I drove away, she didn't want me to leave evidently but I did have another appointment. She's one miserable person but I've given her enough and I'm done.

Her texts are her way of seeking attention and control and yes, blah blah blah... .waste of my time and energy

[flourdust]

I asked her to respect my boundaries and I am no longer in her life.

"Mosquitoes, please stop biting me."

Driving away was the right move.

[GaGrl]

Driving away was the right thing to do.  Your "business" (the exchange) was finished.

You can now get accustomed to walking away, driving away, not staying to listen to her continued blah, blah, blah.

Remember, I said once before, "You talk to her too much."