How many were lied to about Birth Control...?

[Herodias]

In my case, he lied and told me he was sterile. He knew I did not want children, so I guess he thought this would make us a good fit! I was not on birth control and I told him so. I still made him "pull out" just in case... .We were together for about a year before I got pregnant, so I thought he was telling me the truth, since it didn't happen for such a long time. We had sex all the time! Maybe it was the drinking we both did that prevented it, I am not sure. Plus I was 42, age may make it harder. I really was shocked to find out a man would lie about such a thing. Usually it's women who lie about birth control. I had a miscarriage, which I am grateful for now... .I only wished I hadn't of married him, as he pushed for me to hurry up an marry him so we could put the baby on his health insurance. Crazy!  Now with this current gf, he said that she had taken the injectable birth control and got pregnant anyway in 3 months of their being together. She had posted all over Facebook that she wanted a baby and saw him as her husband. I can't figure out how she never got pregnant by her husband... .I have been told by a dr. that the shot is 99.9% effective, so not sure who is lying to whom there. She had the baby in May. He wanted me to take him back and/or be the baby's Aunt! No thanks! He said "it is what it is" and he was going to "try and be a good Dad"... .I wonder how that is working out for him, since he hates crying, is selfish and told me he is not responsible enough for a child. I know he is getting allot of attention for it from other people on Facebook. Became "friends" with lots of people with kids.  I am sure he hates the attention he has lost from the gf, since I couldn't even have a conversation on the phone with out him jumping all over me like a toddler! Seriously. His sister and allot of his married friends from home have just had a baby, so I believe he thought this would help him fit in. Get the love from the parents... .They are not impressed, let me tell you the truth. I feel bad for the little one... .Not the two of them. They are warped. I don't even feel sorry for the new supply, because she met me and knew he was married. She chased him anyway... .I think she is BPD, I really do. If our guts are correct... .then I am right. I asked him once how his sister was doing... .he said great, she was so happy! I said, oh, you talked to her? He said, no... .I see her pictures on Facebook. She is so happy with her baby!  So, I think he sees people as being happy having a baby, and thought that was what was missing for us. He even told me if we would have had the child, things would have worked out differently for us... .I told him, no... .I believe it would have been worse. It's weird the delusions they have... .Facebook doesn't show the reality of the hard work it takes to have children.

[gotbushels]

Now with this current gf, he said that she had taken the injectable birth control and got pregnant anyway in 3 months of their being together. She had posted all over Facebook that she wanted a baby and saw him as her husband. I can't figure out how she never got pregnant by her husband... .I have been told by a dr. that the shot is 99.9% effective, so not sure who is lying to whom there.

Hmm. Does this mean that persons who date a BPD need to sit in for the supposed contraception procedure, like a drug test? 

I think pregnancy is one of the ways people use to exert huge amounts of control on a relationship. It might help to look at it how it appears.

[Herodias]

It would appear so... .I think what I have learned here is that everyone needs to take responsibility for their own protection. He claimed to have seen the receipt for the shot. Maybe they both made up that story to tell people. Maybe they started too soon after her getting the shot, I have no idea. They both are liars. I don't understand why people are so shocked at finding out they are pregnant in this day and age... .There are plenty of ways to control it if you really want to.  You are right about the control... .I think they don't see the reality though until they have the child. There is actually a Facebook page for people who regret having their kids! Its shocking... .thousands of subscribers too. Very sad... .

[gotbushels]

He claimed to have seen the receipt for the shot. Maybe they both made up that story to tell people. Maybe they started too soon after her getting the shot, I have no idea.

Having some experience with hearing parents saying children were accidents or unplanned, this may not be a good start for the child. I'd think it's an uphill battle for parental accountability in the child's eyes when the child's raison d'être is a case at point. #Middleclassproblems 

[rfriesen]

Yes, my ex lied to me about birth control. She told me from the start of our relationship that she was on the pill, but got pregnant about two months in. She tearfully apologised and said she had just been starting the pill and thought she could get away with "playing with fire" for the first month.
A year later, as our relationship was crumbling and I told her I couldn't go on as things were, she started telling me she wished she had kept the baby just so that I "could never leave" her. She half-laughed, then added, "I'm serious, though." It was pretty chilling, though if I'm being 100% honest, part of me continued to be seduced by the fact that she would go to such insane lengths to try to hold onto me. At least by then I had learned that if I let myself be seduced back into the relationship, that meant returning to her attacking, controlling behaviour - so much rage and jealousy by that point.
I don't know how/when I let her get so far into my head. Before her, I would have heard that kind of story (a woman saying she wants a baby just to keep the dad around) with pure horror and disgust and never in a million years would I have pictured myself with someone like that. Somehow by the time she said it to me in our relationship, I felt I could almost understand her. Even as I knew it was completely twisted. It's a long slow process now of detaching from that manic kind of world we had built together.

[Wize]

My stbx wife was pressuring me from day 1 to get her pregnant.  I never felt comfortable with the pressure.  She was my wife so I wasn't opposed to the idea of having a child but, she didn't want to discuss it, she just wanted to have a baby. I told her I wasn't comfortable with it but I we could try for a child regardless.  Thank God that I never got her knocked up. 

[Rickybee]

She told me she was on the pill, we got pregnant and she acted like she wanted to keep the child at first, i got excited and she knew i want to be a dad and ready to be... .then she said she felt sick and called herself an ambulance... she then was in hospital for a week demanding an abortion and threatening to do it herself... from the moment she left in the ambulance she wouldnt reply to my texts and calls... she also wouldnt let me come hospital with her... a week went by of her not replying and i was very worried about her and hurting and confused from it so i went to the hospital ad tracked her down on a ward... when i walked in she looked at me disgusted like i was an enemy... it was so strange i had never seen this person before this was only a year in to our relationship... she said to me she want the baby dead and out of her now or she will do it herself... .i couldnt believe it she said it in such a nasty tone... i left upset and went to my parents thinking we were over judging by her behaviour... .she got in touch a month later having got her mum to pay for her to go to another city for an abortion as the NHS wouldnt do it for her for free... foolishing and hurt i went round to see her... .she was stick thin as eating disorder had got out of control again from it all... .she wasnt sorry... i felt sorry for her and said i would be her friend as she had nobody and seemed to be all alone... she had no friends at this point... had burned all bridges with her circle before meeting me... .slowly we ended up in a relationship again and the hurt and confusion continued another 3 years before the ultimate evil doing... this was when i should have left her and never looked back... i didnt have the heart to abandon somebody so troubled and desperate

[hurting300]

YES. My ex clearly told me she could not get pregnant. I'm looking at our 3 year old now. Pregnancy entrapment is common among people with personality disorders I have read that in three different online articles from psychology today.

[Lilyroze]

YES. My ex clearly told me she could not get pregnant. I'm looking at our 3 year old now. Pregnancy entrapment is common among people with personality disorders I have read that in three different online articles from psychology today.

Hurting300,

Truly children are such precious gifts, and at least you have that. I have read a few of your posts, one you helped me with so know even if hurting you are mature. You have so much to give your child which will be a gift, as well as the stable factor in their life.

The one thing I thank God for everyday even if I had dysfunctional relationship was my children. I make them a priority, their health, well being and love. They now have productive healthy lives. My youngest is the sweetest kindest person, and unfortunately gets nothing from his Dad. No interaction, help or love and wants nothing to do with his crazy train or chaos any-more.

I will keep being me, giving love, standing firm in my core values and helping him and being there for my others everyday. As I am sure you will.

I would love to have had a stable loving relationship as I am the type that would love more children, adopt, foster, etc. My kids joke I live near a church, that they hope no one ever leaves a baby at the door thinking it is the Priests house... .I do get stray cats dropped off... .( oh no... . do find them homes) Sorry just wanted to interject some and heart.

As someone that loves children, I can't understand the mentality of children being objects or to have for attention. Then dropped like the BPD do to many in their lives. Or worse the raging, screaming, silent treatments some give to their kids. I can't understand competing with their kids. Which my stbex does. Sad really. So much precious time, energy and love being wasted.

Herodias, I am so glad you are out of the situation and all the lies. Now you can heal you, and go on to a better life. Maybe someday find someone that has the same values and can give you what you are looking for.  

[Rickybee]

My exBPDgf also said something often... "lets have kids so i don't have to go work and can stay at home" yeh great reason to bring a child into this world eh