Not good right now

[Sadly]

So not good right now, have hit a very bad patch this afternoon, crying and physically sick. I want this pain to end so much. I have just written another poem, it's sort of about the stages I have been going through with my ex, even writing the two letters ex floors me. I don't think my skies are blue yet either but it's what I'n aiming for. It's not a happy poem, I'm sorry and if anyone wants me to stop I will.

When your world is dark and fearful and your hatred sharp and bright
When your life is just a silent scream and day is always night
When you want to fight and injure everyone that's in your sight
Breathe deeply now my darling I will try and make things right.

Now my world is crushed and broken and as pointless as can be
Now my silent scream has joined yours in a mad cacophony
Now I'm crawling on my hands and knees, my legs won't let me stand
To breathe at all is painful but I still hold out my hand

Sadly I am alone now but not quite as much as you
My pain gently receding and the dark sky turning blue
I feel the sun upon my skin the rain as gentle dew
Hold fast my precious sweetheart as I walk away from you

Love from Sadly xx

[gotbushels]

Thank you for the poem Sadly 

I like the last bit the most. Dark sky turning blue, sun on skin like dew 

Hang in there. Please do make sure to set aside some time for things you enjoy. I felt a tiny bit guilty doing these things but they really helped. Then if I wanted to be sad again, I still could, and I did. 

[Sadly]

Thank you so much, I like that bit too. I hope to get there, the rest is past. I know I am very depressed right now, don't want to infect others. We shouldn't feel guilty about doing things for ourselves at all, big or small, should we?
  x

[jhkbuzz]

   

The boards are here for sharing ALL of our emotions, Sadly - happy, sad, angry, lonely - no one will tell you to stop. You're grieving, and we've all been there.

Your poem is beautiful.

[StayStrongNow]

Keep on posting Sadly, I read your post and think you are doing great by expressing yourself. You are authentic, with the past few years of unauthenticity from my stbxBPDw, your posts are so refreshing.

It must be so hard for you but you are going to make it.

[SoMadSoSad]

Just replying to tell you that you are probably in a better place than me. I am 7 months out of r/s and 3 months NC and I still haven't accepted the fact that we are done and I will never see or hear from her again

[Sadly]

Thank you JHK and SSN
I will keep posting them. I am authentic, that is me, I thought he loved that about me but clearly not. Am so bad right now I am aching to call him, to take the pain being with him rather than this pain of alone. I know it's wrong and I know I can't but I am sick with wanting to.

Somadsosad
There is a video on KCs post about 7 days NC, find it and have a look. It's about Not Hoping. It makes so much sense.   

[ICantFixHer]

Hold fast my precious sweetheart as I walk away from you

I love this, thank you Sadly. Very nice poem. If we are wringing art out of this pain, we are on the right track. Turning ugly into beautiful for no reason other than making the world a brighter place isn't such a bad way to cope with the loss.

Hang in there, hugs. Real hugs, not fake ones.

[Sadly]

Thanks Powell
Especially for the real hugs xx

[adventurer]

Thanks for posting this.
I'm having an extremely low day today and it helped.

[Sadly]

    x

[JerryRG]

Great poem Sadly

For me writing helps release emotion and I do hope you are doing ok. Keep writting, keep growing, keep healing!

 

[Sadly]

Thanks Jerry
Having a bad one right now. Will keep writing, hope you and your boy well. xx