Confused by Facebook profile picture

[Rayban]

So I've been feeling pretty low today, and decided to check out her Facebook page.  I work with her, and she left work at noon.  I don't know the reason as we're not speaking. 

When I checked her page,  she had changed her profile picure an hour before.  I  had to do a double take.  It's a  selfie picture of her, where she is obviously intoxicated . I  would guess on alcohol and weed.  One eye is basically closed,  and the other is out of focus. She photo shopped a flower crown on her head. I'm afraid for her well being.  We've been no contact for a week , today, after I asked her not to contact me,  and she said the same and hung up on me.

What would make her post a picture like this, when she has most of our coworkers as friends? It's hard not to see that she is intoxicated all be it with a grin on her face.   How will she face these people when she goes into work?

I know she's not my problem anymore,  but I'm so tempted to contact her to make sure she's ok. I'm afraid she's disregulating   Maybe im over reacting,  but it seemslike a cry for help, or desperate attention. I've somehow convinced myself that I'm responsible.  I just don't understand. Why she would do something like this.


 

[fromheeltoheal]

So I've been feeling pretty low today, and decided to check out her Facebook page. 

Do you agree that that might not be the best detachment strategy?

[Rayban]

Absolutely not the best detachment decision. I'm once again focusing on her and not me. I have to concentrate on me.  I could change myself, I can't change her.

[fromheeltoheal]

I could change myself, I can't change her.

Yet you just said "I've somehow convinced myself that I'm responsible".  What are you going to do to break that pattern?  By when? 

[HurtinNW]

I understand the temptation. I fall prey to it myself. My ex has posted increasingly morbid suicidal profile pics and comments. I don't believe he is suicidal and neither does my counselor or anyone else that knows him. It is attention-getting, manipulation and a form of triangulation (rescue me).

I suspect your ex is doing this for attention-getting.

My therapist says people with narcissistic traits will always find someone to listen to them, and believe their story. But eventually they burn out most friends and family. That has happened to my ex. He just moves on, finding new friends that let him play the victim.

I'm working on trying to detach from this, and not get roped in. Can you also try to not get sucked in? Even if you respond you cannot help her. She has to decide to help herself. Running to her rescue will not help her in the end. It will only hurt you.

That's what my therapist also says, and I'm trying to remember it!  

[Rayban]

I guess my mistake was going out of my way to look at her Facebook page.  I know better , just shocked by what I saw.

[fromheeltoheal]

I guess my mistake was going out of my way to look at her Facebook page.  I know better , just shocked by what I saw.

Now that you've identified what you consider a mistake, the pattern started before that, when you were tempted to look at her page.  What can you do in the future, when that temptation comes up, which it will, to not act on it, to break the pattern?

[Rayban]

I understand the temptation. I fall prey to it myself. My ex has posted increasingly morbid suicidal profile pics and comments. I don't believe he is suicidal and neither does my counselor or anyone else that knows him. It is attention-getting, manipulation and a form of triangulation (rescue me).

I suspect your ex is doing this for attention-getting.

My therapist says people with narcissistic traits will always find someone to listen to them, and believe their story. But eventually they burn out most friends and family. That has happened to my ex. He just moves on, finding new friends that let him play the victim.

I'm working on trying to detach from this, and not get roped in. Can you also try to not get sucked in? Even if you respond you cannot help her. She has to decide to help herself. Running to her rescue will not help her in the end. It will only hurt you.

That's what my therapist also says, and I'm trying to remember it!  

Thank you hurtinNW.

I think that is exactly what she is doing.  Over the last few days I've noticed she hasn't been speaking to her best friend in the office,  and that  best friend just posted a comment on how cute the pic is, and she responded,  "I miss you". That's a clear indication of someone who is in desperate need of narcissistic supply.  She is in desperate need of attention,  and Is obviously willing to do anything to get it.

As a side note, I remember her telling me that her best friend at work told her to be careful of what she posted on Facebook.  I guess she found a way to get her attention.

Ok I've got to get myself a therapist as it's obvious I can't handle this on my own.

[Rayban]

I guess my mistake was going out of my way to look at her Facebook page.  I know better , just shocked by what I saw.

Now that you've identified what you consider a mistake, the pattern started before that, when you were tempted to look at her page.  What can you do in the future, when that temptation comes up, which it will, to not act on it, to break the pattern?

Fromhealtohea,

I've felt this coming from this morning. I had an amazing strong day yesterday, where I was feeling strong and encouraged by my progress.  I had given myself  100 reasons why this person should be eliminated from my life. 

This morning was a different story.  It's been a  week without speaking.  I just missed her presence.  That's what I have to turn  around.

[fromheeltoheal]

I've felt this coming from this morning... .
This morning was a different story.  It's been a  week without speaking.  I just missed her presence.  That's what I have to turn  around.

OK, and we're all going to have down days, days where we're just tired or they don't go well, and that's when our resolve is tested.  So what are you going to DO on days like that, to break that pattern?

[Indifferent28]

It's sad but there isn't much you can do. What goes through their head when they post that, i have no actual idea.
My ex posts pictures with alcohol in her hand, and used to call into work saying she was sick though she posted alcohol pictures the night before. Now she's fired.

you can't help her... .She's declining on her own.

Think of it this way.
If she was happy as she makes herself out to be, do you think she'd be doing all this foolish behavior? No. No many what high "euphoria" she thinks she is on, her actions do not indicate a happy individual.