Gross immaturity and ensuing nausea

[JerryRG]

Hello everyone

Just got a bunch of text from my son's mother, she's upset he woke up so early this morning. And I spent a few agonising minutes trying to explain to her why it is so important to have our son in daycare and she didn't want to watch him cry because he's a "mommy's boy"

After getting out of bed and   I shook her comments off and started my day.

She acts and speaks like a child, I guess I didn't know how difficult it was for me to be around her because of the fog and my thick denial. I was indeed raising not one but two children.

I practiced biff, I still had to filter through all the unimportant and unsolicited information about events going in her life, her not feeling well, etc., validation, validation, validation, frustration, ventilation and calm.

I've heard pwBPD are very immature emotionally but has anyone seen this childish behaviour in their ex partners?

[VitaminC]

I've heard pwBPD are very immature emotionally but has anyone seen this childish behaviour in their ex partners?

Jeezus, yes!  Hundreds of times!

My ex has a 10 year old daughter, with whom I got along brilliantly. We had started working on a little newspaper together, very cute and funny, and a brilliant opportunity for her to learn lots of things. I was over at his place and after dinner we had an "editorial meeting". He was invited, of course, but said no, pouted and sat and watched us from a chair in the sittingroom. We ignored the pouting and kept asking for his input but he would shrug his shoulders and finally he left the room saying 'no one is paying attention to me anyway'.   I rolled my eyes at his daughter to make it appear as if her dad was being deliberately odd for comic effect, but I could see she was a perturbed by it.

There was actually nothing she, or I, would have liked more than for him to engage with us. His wit would have made it all even more fun for both of us.

We just kept on with our meeting and finally he came back in saying that a programme she liked to watch with him was just starting, IF she wasn't too busy to come and watch it. 

We weren't done, and I could see she was in the mood to continue, but instead she said to me that she would now like us to spend some time doing something her dad wanted to do to make him feel better and was that ok?

There were two adults and one child in that house that evening. One of the adults was in her 40's and the other one was a 10 year old girl. 

[bunny4523]

I've heard pwBPD are very immature emotionally but has anyone seen this childish behaviour in their ex partners?

Yep, it blew my mind because he is such a succesfful business guy.  But throw in some emotions and he turns into an irrational teenager.  I couldn't believe it when I first saw it.

Bunny

[HoneyB33]

Hahaha, YES.

I was so confused about my ex when we were together. It was literally like dating a five year old. It's the most frustrating thing in the world because you're so annoyed, but also this persons "feeling are hurt" so you find yourself totally at a loss of what to do. Coddle the child or continue to "hurt" them by realizing/stating that you want to date an adult!

God, I can remember so many times that I would try to express anything to my ex and she'd literally sob like a five year old who dropped their ice cream cone.

[Sadly]

Oh yes most certainly. We had spent 10 days together 1 day and night at his house and 1 day and night at my new house, alternating homes and doing all the things we love to do together. On the 11th day my two friends a lovely couple who he's had met in the past and I thought liked asked if they could come see my new house and huge excitement bring their new puppies to meet me. My friend had lost their old dog a year before and this was the first time she had been ready for new. I asked them to come for a couple of hours, so excited and called ex to explain and ask what he wanted in his sandwich. Sulk or what!. I said, please come. His reply was " they are your friends" ! I haven't heard that since school playground days. I made excuses for him and tried to enjoy my friends and their pups but it was spoilt. He texted constantly " are they gone yet" and " are they still there" It was awful. After they had gone he came over and sulked, was bad tempered or silent and when I finally pulled him on it had a really nasty go at me and told me we had been having a lovely time and I had spoilt it. 2 hours out of 11 days. Awful, And that's only one instance.

[Lilyroze]

  Jerry and all,

Simple answer yes. Sorry I know this is frustrating, and exasperating for us nons. But did have to say Vitamin C your story had me laughing. I know probably because I have been slightly stressed.

My son brought up the time he and my sbxUNBD went to the pick up something. Picture a busy store, they get what they need and my older son says are you ready to go?

Husband starts talking in a high pitched squeal "I never get out or go anywhere", slamming movies around and stomping his feet to a point.

While continuing his rant "I  want to keep looking" ( while glancing at movies, they already had more in hand then could be watched all weekend).

My son said the humiliating part was there was two tough biker dudes standing there looking at each other and my son like dude let the guy out once in awhile. I still giggle when thinking about it. I know I know, but if you don't have a sense of humor or laugh it will really get to you.

By the way son doesn't laugh about it... .Is trying to now though, just thinks his rages and antics are crazy. Which well they are.

This was while my husband was out more then enough.  Now said son won't go anywhere like that again... .hehe

I could tell you tons more but well won't bore you all.

Keep doing all your are doing for your son Jerry. Keep on your journey of healing, self respect, self love and being the wonderful Father you are. Your son will benefit. Try to laugh some of it off, you are dealing with a 3-5 yr old in a woman's body.

[Circle]

N/A

[Circle]

Whoops, sorry everybody, I seem to have added my reply onto the wrong post. I think it was a case of my tablet reacting to unintentional touch. Please ignore the above post by me. Thankyou

[VitaminC]

I can't remember the first instance of this kind, but what I should have paid attention to is that he could never ever laugh at himself.

I mean, we are all capable of acting like children at times and just plain being ridiculous. I certainly am. But I can and do take the pi$$ out of myself frequently.

BPD was constitutionally incapable of anything like that. Actually, what people laugh at will tell you an awful lot about them.

[HoneyB33]

VitaminC that is a good point. My ex was insecure about EVERYthing. I remember she use to say that she wanted to be able to joke with each other, but she never could take anything. I was always extremely confused by that. I was like, "Am I just a jerk?" Totally confusing.

The other part I hate of this now, is that I've been totally insecure after things with this person. I think it would be harder for me to laugh at myself now because I'm so on edge trying to feel like I am valuable. I HATE how they spread their poison to us. I'm not afraid of abandonment, rejection, attachment, and am insecure. Fuc*ing wonderful. Thank God I can heal though.