I just can't shake this anxiety since separating

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I've been trying to do everything recommended, breathing, relaxing, exercise, eating right, getting out socially, trying to live in the moment, support group, individual therapy, but I still am really struggling with this anxiety.

I manage to fall asleep, but can't stay asleep much more than 6 hours, I think I'm at my best around 8 or 9 hours. Sometimes I wake up with heart racing. I feel on edge all day and have little panics about super small things, like a new message in my inbox.

For people who have gone through this, how long did it take you to work through it and start to feel normal again? Any good tricks? A lot of my stress is from the legal battle, I think, and my fear of the unknown and worries about my financial future should she get all the support she feels entitled to. The trial will be months away and I don't think I can live like this for that long. I was given a hydroxyzine prescription that I've taken sometimes at night before bed on really bad days, but I'm not sure it's cutting it.

I am also worried about bumping into her or her friends in public, or her finding out where I'm living and showing up and causing problems. So far I haven't told a soul where I am. I have been staying in touch with a lot of friends and trying to talk out all my concerns about life but I'm just not feeling any better about it.

[adventurer]

I've been trying to do everything recommended, breathing, relaxing, exercise, eating right, getting out socially, trying to live in the moment, support group, individual therapy, but I still am really struggling with this anxiety.

I manage to fall asleep, but can't stay asleep much more than 6 hours, I think I'm at my best around 8 or 9 hours. Sometimes I wake up with heart racing. I feel on edge all day and have little panics about super small things, like a new message in my inbox.

For people who have gone through this, how long did it take you to work through it and start to feel normal again? Any good tricks? A lot of my stress is from the legal battle, I think, and my fear of the unknown and worries about my financial future should she get all the support she feels entitled to. The trial will be months away and I don't think I can live like this for that long. I was given a hydroxyzine prescription that I've taken sometimes at night before bed on really bad days, but I'm not sure it's cutting it.

I am also worried about bumping into her or her friends in public, or her finding out where I'm living and showing up and causing problems. So far I haven't told a soul where I am. I have been staying in touch with a lot of friends and trying to talk out all my concerns about life but I'm just not feeling any better about it.

[Indifferent28]

Over a year later, and i still have the anxiety.

how long did you guys date?
The fact that you are going to trial is of course going to intensify your anxiety. Even with a non-BPD relationship, you'd feel that strong anxiety.

Is she dangerous? I ask because you say that you haven't told anyone where you're at.

Your anxiety is going to be up, at least until after your trial. Then it will be a step by step process after that.
It's something that you may feel over one day and  wake up the next feeling at step 1.

[once removed]

hi adventurer  

anxiety was perhaps my worst enemy post relationship. id wake up, and within thirty minutes to an hour, id be in the middle of an anxiety attack that would last for hours. even when that got better, i was easily triggered. it was pointed out to me that this made sense given the constant amount of adrenaline and anxiety i was in during the relationship, the dam had been burst essentially, and since i was still exposed, as you are (legal battles are especially stressful), i still felt "in it", so fight or flight feelings were pretty natural. perhaps you can relate?

it may help to see a doctor - you mention you have a prescription, wasnt sure if that was recent. there are also several great alternatives in supplement form.

i commend you for taking the steps you have taken, all great stuff for combating anxiety, the kinds of things that train your bodys normal responses. over time it will make a difference.

[adventurer]

It was a 14 year relationship. I'm only a month out.

She has not been violent in the past, but I really don't trust her to remain so. Since I have gone she is doing more extreme behavior than I had ever witnessed before. She started contacting my company HQ trying to find info about me and causing difficulty until my attorney sent her a cease and desist. There is also apparently a facebook smear campaign and flying monkeys reporting when and where they see me around town. I disabled all social media so I'm out of the loop where all that is concerned.

She is also the beneficiary of a good sized life insurance policy of mine and honestly, I wonder if things don't go her way in court if she would consider putting a hit out on me or something. I know this is probably extreme paranoia on my part, but I realize now that I really don't know her or what she is capable of.

[Icanteven]

Anxiety?

For the first week I didn't sleep or eat
Everything in our home triggered me for almost a month
We're coming up on four months since D day and I still have night terrors approximately once a week

But, the anxiety is gone.  We weren't together 14 years so that's certainly a wrinkle, but the anxiety was shattering, then crippling, then a constant hum, then uneven, then sporadic, then barely noticeable, till now where I'm at the point where my unconscious, asleep mind likes to have evenings of sublimating my feelings into nightmares, but that's dropped off from having nights where I'd have twelve dreams about my wife to maybe two or three, and then only (as I say) infrequently.

Friends, family, counseling, psychotherapy, and getting on an anti depressant have helped immeasurably,  to the point that my doc is talking about discontinuing my happy pill. 

I couldn't function.  Now I barely notice.  Get all the help you can get; it will get better.

[atomic popsicles]

I have the same issue plus  crippling grief.  I needed to read this

[C.Stein]

Two weeks shy of 1 year after being introduced to the trash bin and I still feel anxious at times.

At 1 month out Adventurer i would say it is quite normal to feel the way you do, especially given your concerns.  It took me nearly two months to even really face what had happened ... .and it took at trip to the ER for stroke symptoms most likely caused by the anxiety and depression that I had been ignoring for many many months.

Tricks?  I don't know of any tricks to get rid of anxiety, all I can say is don't try to avoid it.  Identify why you feel anxious and face it head on.  That does help to keep it at bay.

[adventurer]

I have the same issue plus  crippling grief.  I needed to read this

 

I feel for you - we are all gonna get through this!

[Xstang77]

Concerning anxiety I've noticed the past couple times she's left I get this really strange anxiety/tingling in the gum of my teeth,anymore not so much I'm 5 weeks out,2 weeks of nc,I also usually smoke a pack and a half to 2 during the separations when I usually only smoke half a pack when we're together,happy that's also finally starting to taper off too.