Managing your Lawyer's Interaction With the Other Side - Any Advice?

[Naughty Nibbler]

๏̯͡๏  I'm in the middle of a trust dispute with my co-trustee uBPD sister.  My sister lawyered up, because she wanted an immediate 50% of remaining trust funds before taxes and remaining bills were settled. She sunk her teeth into that position and has made it difficult to navigate through trust issues.  Approx. 75% of the trust monies have already been distributed among the two of us.  Sadly, we would be done by now, if she hadn't exhaused so much energy in her irrational demand.   Long story short, I ended up getting my own trust & estate lawyer, after trying to navigate through things without a lawyer.

At $350/hr the costs add up fast.  Perhaps, I've had my head in the sand. ⇎_⇎  I got my first bill, and it was early on, so I paid it (to replenish the retainer).  There were just a couple brief line-item explaination on the bill.  I gave my lawyer some paperwork and a detailed outline of what I needed from my sister at the current time (expecting a demand letter and a reply back).  I gave it some time, and then another invoice appeared 3-4 weeks later for around $1200.  I was a little upset at this point, as my lawyer had not copied me on any documentation relative to interactions she had with my sister's lawyer.

My lawyer is the new (somewhat green) lawyer in the firm and has only been with them for two years.  I was, also, concerned that I was billed for some research time the lawyer spend on researching the law in regard to trust reserves.  I do not think that research is appropriate at this juncture, as it will likely be a nonissue if the paperwork my uBPD sis sends via her lawyer is in order.  Upon my request, the lawyer sent me documentation via Dropbox and I will review it in the next few days.

I've decided that I need to be specific about my communication expectations with my lawyer.  I want to be kept informed along the way, I want the lawyer to understand my position and not misrepresent me and my position in any way.  At the same time, I want to keep the costs down and make our interactions efficient. I'm drafting an email to my lawyer, to spell out my expectations in regard to keeping me informed.

Hopefully, we can conclude things without going to court and with just interaction between lawyers.  What is a reasonable expectation for me in regard to being included in and copied on all
correspondence?  

Bottomline: I'm wondering what is typical in the following areas:

Receiving copies of what my lawyer sends to my sister's lawyer:  Shouldn't I be bcc'd or cc'd when it is sent?  I'm thinking that is the most cost effective.  I'm also, wondering if I should preview a draft of correspondence, to make sure my position is construed accurately.

Receiving copies of what my sister's lawyer sends to my lawyer:  Shouldn't I be copied on it, as my lawyer receives and reads it?

Phone calls between lawyers:  I'm thinking that there shouldn't be phone calls, unless I'm aware of it?  There shouldn't be anything urgent in regard to dueling demand letters in a trust and estate dispute. (unless some court action ensues)

Thanks in advance for any input someone is willing to offer    (◕‿◕✿)

[livednlearned]

Hi NN,

I'm sorry you're involved in a high-conflict legal dispute with your uBPD. Things will probably go the same way for me if my parents pass (uBPD brother), and I went through a high-conflict divorce with a uBPD/NPD ex husband (lawyer  ).

It may be different with estate lawyers vs. family law attorneys, though for what it's worth, this would be my expectations:

You should receive copies of any legal documents sent to your sister. Some lawyers may cut costs on copying, mailing, postage, etc. if you make a point of it.

If your L is green, you should be paying her less than more senior associates. She learns from your case, and if she needs advice, she should be talking to her colleagues without it costing you.

You should be receiving copies of anything your sister sends to your lawyer.

Phone calls and conversations between lawyers... .can be tricky. A lot of lawyers will have collegial conversations with some gamesmanship. This can be to our advantage. It can also screw us, a lot depends on the lawyers and whether they are ethical. All lawyers are ethically bound to represent their clients to the best of their abilities. Some lawyers fall into the habit of wheeling and dealing and backscratching. "I gave you this in the Harvey v. Smith case, so you can give me this in the NN vs. NNS case."

It can't hurt to tell your L that you will not sign anything unless you know exactly how things went down, what the other party offered, what was offered in return. If you prefer to see everything in writing, then specify that, knowing that it will probably cost more.

My L told me early on in my case to not send attachments because she charged more for that. She also said to document things and not send her every small thing because it would add up. So, I documented everything in the best ongoing method I could think of, and organized that material when it came time for it. I managed to save $3K by doing my own trial binder and pointing her to what I thought would be useful. This might not apply in your case, but you get the gist.

You'll have to trade off between cost and being involved in everything, I'm guessing. Even so, if you are direct about what is and isn't ok, then state it. As hard as it was for me to be blunt with my L, I finally was and she respected me for it.

You also deserve a highly itemized bill down to the minute, explaining exactly what you are being charged for. If that isn't forthcoming, then I would haggle.

[Naughty Nibbler]

LIVEDNLEARNED:

Thanks so much for your feedback  Sorry you might have something similar to go through with a uBPD brother in the future.