What have your learned/help healing process since on BPDfamily

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hope some of you find this post useful and interesting.

For me the first and most important lesson, Things are almost NEVER WHAT THEY SEEM.

Hurtful words and mocking can be a helpful way to build thick skin.

What people do to you is not a reflection of your weakness and imperfections.  It's a reflection of theirs.

Love with a pwBPD is like living on fantasy island. If you're not familiar with the show, search it online.  Like it or not, after the show, no matter how good or how real it feels, and how much one wishes it will last forever, eventually the fantasy ends.

Forgive your debts, as you also forgive your debtors... .Lead you NOT into BPD temptations. Deliver us from the evil one... .for if you forgive their trespasses, your should one day learn to forgive you, for believing in them.
THAT BEING SAID

I learned how good a person  I really am.  If you need a friend, call on me.  That's who I am.  This attitude is what led me to this board; in the first place.  I was played b/c of my love, passion, and compassion for human kind.  No matter what, I will not change b/c then I would have been defeated.  Again, That's who I am.

[FallBack!Monster]

Hope some of you find this post useful and interesting.

For me the first and most important lesson, Things are almost NEVER WHAT THEY SEEM.

Hurtful words and mocking can be a helpful way to build thick skin.

What people do to you is not a reflection of your weakness and imperfections.  It's a reflection of theirs.

Love with a pwBPD is like living on fantasy island. If you're not familiar with the show, search it online.  Like it or not, after the show, no matter how good or how real it feels, and how much one wishes it will last forever, eventually the fantasy ends.

Forgive your debts, as you also forgive your debtors... .Lead you NOT into BPD temptations. Deliver us from the evil one... .for if you forgive their trespasses, your should one day learn to forgive you, for believing in them.
THAT BEING SAID

I learned how good a person  I really am.  If you need a friend, call on me.  That's who I am.  This attitude is what led me to this board; in the first place.  I was played b/c of my love, passion, and compassion for human kind.  No matter what, I will not change b/c then I would have been defeated.  Again, That's who I am.

[Reforming]

Hi FallBack!Monster

I think I've learned a lot over the last three years.

I've learned to be much more self aware. I've learned that I'm responsible for my choices good and bad.

I've learned that actions reveal who we really are.

I've learned that change isn't easy, that it takes time and effort but that it's possible.

I've learned a range of different skills and tools that are really useful.

I've learned that failing is part of life and you can't achieve anything worthwhile without repeatedly failing.

Reforming

[gotbushels]

Hi FallBack!Monster 

What a good question 

I've learned that forgiving someone can be much more complex and is not necessarily a one-two-or-three shot thing.

I've learned how to acknowledge, be critical with, and make choices on deeply held beliefs.

I've learned how I might be a better parent and partner.

[Wood stock]

I have learned:

That I am a good person and that I do not deserve to be mistreated.

That I am a good parent and therefore it is always best to put my kids first.

That the way I live/run my household is responsible, healthy, normal, peaceful.

That anyone who wants to come into my world and try to convince me that any of the above are not true cannot possibly be good for me or my children, and he needs to leave. It really is as simple as that.  Oh what a long way I have come!

Thank you BPD Family... .

[steelwork]

Quite honestly, if you want to know the most important thing I've learned on this site specifically, it's this:

It never would have worked.

I'm also a person who tends to bend myself in a pretzel trying to look at all sides and perspectives, and coming here has helped me to stay grounded in my own best interests.

A lot of the articles I've read, and the posts and responses, have deepened my appreciation of the fruitlessness of trying to ground myself in my ex's perspective. He doesn't think like me, and even if he did, I'm not a mindreader.

[FallBack!Monster]

Refreshing responses. More people should take advantage of this post.   

[Meili]

I have learned that I am a worthy person who makes mistakes, and that mistakes are not the end if the world.

I have learned that I deserve someone who truly loves me for me, not for what I do for her.

I am learning empathy.

I am learning to communicate my needs, wants, and desires.

I am learning to be a better listener.

I am learning to be a better communicator.

I have learned what real love is and is not.

[FallBack!Monster]

I have learned that I am a worthy person who makes mistakes, and that mistakes are not the end if the world.

I have learned that I deserve someone who truly loves me for me, not for what I do for her.

I am learning empathy.

I am learning to communicate my needs, wants, and desires.

I am learning to be a better listener.

I am learning to be a better communicator.

I have learned what real love is and is not.

I'm really inspired by these words.

I learned that there's different types of love.

[Infern0]

Too much to list tbh.

The MAIN thing that has helped me is seeing myself for who I really am. Not running, hiding, distracting, denying or projecting.

That and stopping from victimizing myself and painting a picture to myself and other that my BPD ex was this evil witch.

Yes she's very troubled, yes she did a lot of questionable things, but so did I and we were as bad as each other.

Accepting that, and working through my childhood to understand WHY I acted the way I did was the key for me.

None of this stuff is really as much about them as we all seem to think when we arrive on this site, but it's hard work to get to a full understanding