Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
August 15, 2022, 11:01:52 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Depression = 72% of members
Take the test, read about the implications, and check out the remedies.
111
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: do we make them feel terrable  (Read 434 times)
bus boy
******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 908


« on: July 30, 2016, 08:42:04 PM »

Is this npd/BPD injury? One time at a baptism, I was the god father. A family member wanted to take a pic of the god mother and I with our God child, we thought it a normal request. My than partner was asked politely if she minded if it was only the god parents and child in the pic. She never let me forget that. She said no one ever made her feel so small in her whole life and I didn't stick up for her, that I never stuck up for her and couldn't protect or defend her. I so often was told this. Some harmless situation or I thought harmless was blown out of proportion and I would be emotionally abused. Told I couldn't protect her or stick up for her. She was obsessed with being protected or thinking she was being made a fool of. Always accusing me or my family of things we didn't do.
Logged
fromheeltoheal
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up, I left her
Posts: 5642


« Reply #1 on: July 30, 2016, 08:50:30 PM »

My take is she felt abandoned and replaced by the god mother, and that didn't feel good, so time to lash out and blame, project all of that onto you and your family, so she could be the victim, which felt much better.  And it was blown out of proportion because borderlines feel emotions intensely.

So does processing all of this now change your perspective on it, make you feel better, and help you grieve bus boy?

Logged
gotbushels
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1586



« Reply #2 on: August 03, 2016, 10:26:28 AM »

A family member wanted to take a pic of the god mother and I with our God child, we thought it a normal request.
I don't see anything particularly abnormal about it. I think that's a valid request.

The ex using that as a reason to dysregulate seems to me quite typical in the sense that they can take anything an use it to dysregulate themselves. On this basis, I think yes, we do add to their own highly negative feelings when we are involved in some way.

After noting your ex used that to dysregulate, it might be helpful to you to note then that you "decided" to manage that to the extent that it was enough to be "unforgettable" to you.

Specifically here, I think you added to part of the cause of her feelings by being one of three people in a picture that she felt "terrible" about. Also consider that the BP, the godmother, and the godchild all had some role to play in making said BP feel "terrible" as well. So why do you have to manage the BP's "terrible" feelings?
Logged
bus boy
******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 908


« Reply #3 on: August 03, 2016, 06:33:17 PM »

I have come so far in my recovery. After the heartless final discard, I was crushed. Prayed to die, begged God to take me. I was on deaths doorstep due to a sickness and was questioning God, why didn't you take me? I'm here for a reason. Today my life is very different. When I read posts on here the clarity is wonderful. Now I had another light bulb moment, I am not responsible to manage her negative feelings. All those years she was trying to unload her negative feelings on me. Making me responsible for how she feels. Being away from her for the past year has replenished my positive feelings. I can absorb negative toxic feelings, she left me feeling very sick, physically and mentally.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2022?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2022 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
Goldcrest
Lemon Squeezy
Mommydoc
SamwizeGamgee
Skip



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!