...feeling better

[cherryblossom]

 

Just to document my progress - I no longer feel intense pain or love - I feel ME! At last I'm returning to my former self - with hope for MYSELF, nurturing ME, enjoying MY life, being authentically ME!

I still think about my ex but without any emotion

At last! Im properly on the road to recovery!

[cherryblossom]

When i say former self i mean the positive parts and useful parts that were trodden on and suppresed/ neglected/ignored in order to assist someone else

[heartandwhole]

Woohoo cherryblossom!     This is such great news, I'm celebrating with you! 

[fromheeltoheal]

Good job CB!  Taking our lives back feels great, enjoy the heck out of that! 

[Lilyroze]

I am so glad for you cherryblossom! That is awesome I am here and celebrating with you.

 

[pjstock42]

cherryblossom,

So glad to hear that you are on the right track. I am doing the same thing that you mentioned in terms of still thinking about them a lot but with less and less emotional reaction to said thoughts. Certain thoughts/reminders/places/things that would send me into a breakdown just a couple weeks ago now just have me saying something like "well, that sucks" and not having much if any emotional reaction.

Keep following your path and I hope to do the same. One goal that I have is to eventually be coming to this board not to vent and ask for advice but to help other people who are going through what I've just experienced. I don't know how long it will take to get to this point but I'm very committed to achieving this.

[JerryRG]

Great news cherryblossom!

I'm happy and proud of you! 

Keep moving forward!

[NewTring]

Cherry blossom

How long did it take you?

Any advice?


I'm getting there myself.

[cherryblossom]

  Thanks everyone!

NT-that's amazing news! Great well done!

So we split properly in August last year and I have been in varying stages of being in horrific emotional pain, numbness, anxiety, obsession, tears, depression, anger, paranoia, despair, longing -this week the intensity of all this lifted -and I believe honestly sharing and breaking down a bit in supervision at work and receiving a compassionate response really helped turn a corner as I was no longer hiding and pretending everything was ok like I always do... .something that therapy has enabled me to do-be real

Here goes i'll try best to give a bit of advice -have not felt that confident to do so and like PJStock says I would like to get to a place where I can offer useful advice/support

Blocking my ex on facebook and spamming his number I believe were essential -otherwise I would have got stuck longer in mode of checking up on him, obsessing , drafting and redrafting texts

I have been in therapy since March last year, we broke up in August last year -therapy has really helped me stay with my feelings no matter how painful and to not denying the past wounds that were triggered -I can now view myself and others with genuine compassion and realize we humans are all doing our best at the given time with the knowledge and tools at our disposal at any given time -when we know better we do better -for ourselves and others. I am re -learning that true self esteem has to be nurtured from within we cannot look to other people to boost it -which is what I feel I did and do with people not just my ex. Most people take their self esteem for granted when they have a stable family background -I know I have to put effort in the take care of mine and can end up using things, activities, people to distance myself from what I am truly feeling which is dangerous as the further you get away from yourself the bigger and more painful the crash back down into your feelings is! So yes therapy has been essential to help me connect with myself and increase my self awareness.

Grounding techniques -I have been increasing yoga practice I feel this helps release thoughts and focus back on here and now

seeking advice and guidance on this site and making a conscious effort to start posting/responding more frequently on the personal inventory board -so that i was not just venting and lamenting -but taking back my personal power-also steering away from reading the posts newer to detachment and looking for the stories about positive changes in future and personal development

Has this been useful? Have I missed anything that you think would be good to know?

Please let me know x

[misaelb]

thats really great, and it gives me lots of hope!

specially when you say that you think about it without emotion

i NEED to get there

congrats

[cherryblossom]

You will!

I never thought the day would come. I do have some emotion but not to the overwhelming destructive intensity that it has been

Also to add -I kept myself busy with holidays, friends and being creative -but honoring myself when needed to stay in and hide away too xxx

[cherryblossom]

 

Also good piece of useful advice I read -emotions are there to remind us of an unmet need -or to show us need are being met---we as humans have many, many needs -if we are having negative emotion it is a primitive way to show us something is not right -when exiting a BPD relationship a hell of a lot is not right as we have unfortunately been dominated and controlled by a disorder and neglected our own needs for a long time xxx