Sponsor was very encouraging this morning

[JerryRG]

Hello everyone

Had our Saturday morning AA meeting and talked to my sponsor a while after the meeting.

He told me, our son will be in my full time custody eventually.

His mother is incapable of a healthy adult relationship.

She will break down eventually and do something stupid to mess her life up once more.

He thinks she will try a recycle and I need to be ready.

She's not emotionally mature enough to even begin to parent.

She needs/wants attention and she's willing to go to any length to get it.

He didn't say much about me and my recovery but the smile on his face when I spoke at the meeting said it all.

I'm grateful for so many things, I couldn't list them all.

Have a great weekend friends and family, God bless you on your road to recovery.

[fromheeltoheal]

Nice Jerry, sounds like a great meeting and connection with your sponsor, a foundation for a great weekend.

She needs/wants attention and she's willing to go to any length to get it.

And with our borderline lens on, she needs an attachment, and she's willing to go to any length to get it, because without one she can feel like she literally doesn't exist, the core of the disorder yes?

[JerryRG]

Yes indeed fromheeltoheal

I see the facts now, and I cannot express how grateful I am for your help and all the others here on this forum.

 

[JerryRG]

And she's texting me a lot today and sending pictures. I do not respond to her problems, just talk about our son.

She's telling me how unfair it is for her doctor to not be able to call me and explain her condition, she also said she knows I hate her.

I feel so sorry for her right now, it wouldn't help her to respond and it would only encourage more communication in the future. I do wish her well, I just cannot express it in a manner that would do any good.

She's in trouble again, I will focus on our sons wellbeing and leave her to figure out her own problems.

We have a bbq to attend this afternoon and an Airshow tomorrow so full weekend planned, son is sleeping right now. So cute he was falling asleep sitting up and falling over and I just had to record it. second time I've seen him do this, .

Thanks everyone for the tools and help to deal with these issues!

[Lilyroze]

  Jerry,

Awesome message! You are doing great. Very mature, and well balanced for your son. You have much to be proud of. I am glad you had a fantastic meeting, and good sponsor.

I agree with your sponsor about how she is. Good thing though is you are there for your son, handling it all, and will be ready if need to take him full time. You have a plan.

Have a great weekend and week ahead.

 

[JerryRG]

Thank you Lilyroze

You have a great weekend and week as well 

[JerryRG]

Today's convo so far:
I will not talk about anything that does not involve our son

-----------------------

Her
How's my boy

Me
Our son is playing

(Sent pic of our son playing)

Her
He's so happy

Me
Always

Her
I'm bawling I miss him so flipping bad

Me
You can be with him anytime you choose

Her
I have had both avera and Sandford calling and emailing me by random nurses of the facility all week. I jisy had a other call and that's from the acute care clinic. I can't be around him until my dr okays it, i told him to call you even tho u could careless what's going on but so u knew for (son) sake... .he said he could but dkdnt understand why i wasnt allowed to tell you i said cuz he doesnt want to hear in detail its inappropriate as there is no relationship wr are just in contact  for (son) and he said he would if he had time but he must not of called.  Until today I have had to keep myself in the room, I had to leave today tho (brother) needs a ride home from work so had to drop the other two off at work.  Once you get MRSA/or/staph infection it's very hard to get rid of.  I have had it since last summer and my mom and cousin whose a nurse legitimately made me go to the hospital and clinic several times and by the time they decided to biopsy the fluid in my thumb, the blister looking thing had broke open and they hardly got any on the QTip... .my family wasn't happy at all because it's so contagious and babies immune systems are so low until they a re 5, they couldn't handle MRSA especiallu.  Same with older adults... .and the time I got it, MRSA was going around tet ULC at the nursing home which if connected to (son) old daycare... .this time, whayever it is, is way worse cuz it came with a kidney infection. 

Her
With that being said and if you need a break, I would feel safe visiting (son) when someone else is around so they can handle his diaper changes and food.  But taking him home and going back to our routine is not the best for (son).  I would never forgive myself if he caught what I have cuz it's super painful, and it comes with fever as high as 102.3 so far... .  I've been saying at (brother) because I'm not even suppose to be alone myself, so I'm sure (brother) wojld. be ok with helping if u wanted to bring him over later this evening and stay with me... ?

Me
There's a bbq this afternoon and early evening and the air show tomorrow. I am not sure how (son) will react to the noise of the air show. If you believe you are safe around (son) then it's your desicion to have him

Her
You are his dad you know what's best for him as do i ... .but I'm not shutting (son) out I love him so much... .if my old selfish person would take over I would not listen to the dr but there are 2 diff drs involved from 2 different facilities.  I have taken care of (son) many times sick before and always will that's what life is all about.  But i will not put him in harm of something that I know is contagious.  Penicillin is given to patients that are having this issue, it's the strongest antibiotic for ANY staph infection esp when the organs get involved... .and momma can't take that, they even tried a med thay is related to penicillin and i had breathing issues and agitation from it but STILL took it knowing how serious this could be but didn't phase me cause my immune system can't fight with a medicine I'm allergic too so I have 3 pills left of this new med. Two today and one tomorrow ... .after that if my thumb keeps filling up with fluid, I HAVE to be hospitalized for 3 to 5 days for IV antibiotics and now the way it looks, they may have to do surgery and go in my thumb to get the infection cuz it's jusy gonna keep spreading ... .it even has them thinking I have Rhemeotid Arthristis because this is a huge sign, and as of Monday, I could not do half the ___ you do with (son) due to inflammation in all my joints I am an 80 yr old stuck in in a young body... and I'm very upset because I was actually feeling better ... .and last Saturday as I sat with the police for 3 hrs, it all hit me when I stood up. Went to bathroom and was peeing blood so I'm like ah... kidney stone... .nope... .kidney infection. A Uti turned into a kidney infection within 10 hrs and i Sen the dr at 440... .by 10 pm that night I got this infection showing up on my thumb... .the next 3 days I only had gone to th restroom 6 times and (sister in law) made sure I was eating and drinking plenty... .Idk why that is such a big deal to the Dr's  but I've never in my life have had so many emails and missed calls from them

Her
Air show?

Me
Air show in SF, Blue Angels and many others perform

Her
Anyway I'm sorry I know u don't give a a ___ but my dr didn't sound to enthused when I mentioned to call u... .he said there was a difference if he didn't have (son) and telling him... .but I printed out everything they said because I'm so worried (son) will be taken from me

Me
(Son) is not a problem and I will take him to the bbq this afternoon and the air show tomorrow.

Her
My mom said u were fighting for custody and it tore me apart cuz it's one thing for a parent to jusy choose to stay away from a child but to be sick is another. I'm like jerry can have (son) money for the days he's with him why does he have ro take him away, I'm still here I'm not gonna not support my son and if I say I'll give him let's say, $100 and then dont, I could be in deep trouble and it's not the money I care about its (son) I care about and that money is for his diapers, wipes, daycare, etc... .I said why would he take him when I've offered 50/50 custody 3 times since (son) hospitalization which would give jerry more rights as As a father then he has now... .she told me this is why she wouldn't bring him home after our vaca

Her
(Son) would LOVE thay air show where is it

Her
Brb I have to pick (brother) up now and what's the bbq for or where is it anyway... .

Her
Can I call so I can talk to him over the phone

Her
And really if u don't wanna take him this evening drop him off at (brother) with us until u r done if u want... .but i do worry about him catching this

Me
He's fine with me anytime

Her
(Picture)
It feels like acid when thay stuff leaks out this pic don't even justify whay it looks like in person

(Picture)

[married21years]

sorry bud but it actually sounds she is trying to deal with her issues

something positive for your son 

[JerryRG]

I hope she is but she expects me to listen and be concerned for her health when I've asked her to leave her issues out of our conversations.

Last evening she started in again about her problems and I asked her to stick to the subject of our son.

Her reply was after today I won't be able to be with him anymore.

After having and caring for our son for weeks, this is how she views my doing my best.

[married21years]

i know and it is good to leave it to the professionals

but maybe a glimmer of hope for your sin 

[JerryRG]

Her
Dr appt tomorrow, then gotta file some paper work unless they make me go to hospital which depends on my blood and the what the fluid in thumb comes back as... .of all is good he can come home

Me
Still don't know if he's accepted into Peace dc yet

Her
K let me know, Makale has off tomorrow he can help me with diapers and the food handling. I thought he was accepted already

Me
Won't know until this week

Me
I don't wish to discuss your health problems as they are not my concern

Her
Nope but I'm (son) mom and I've talked to lawyer and dr so I had to do it for (son) sake ... .ttyl

You don't have a lawyer because you cannot even afford diapers. Please show some respect because (son) will see that you're lying.

And (son) is fine with me, your threats are meaningless

I will not discuss your problems, it has nothing to do with the care of our son

Her
Jacob isn't gonna be with u after tomorrow ... .so u can drop.bjm off in morning or makale and i can pick him up from his daycare thay day.

[married21years]

is she in treatment for BPD

[JerryRG]

No she's not, I've tried to get her help but she refuses

[JerryRG]

This is her last texts:


You withheld him from me for 14 days and mom helped u with it so she's in trouble too, I warned her bit Interfering with thay is not ok.  Here i can show ya the email about it from my lawyer that I talk to a lot, ellie.  U only had him this long cuz of how sick I was and i wanted whay was best for him only.  I am asking for him back tomorrow and if you choose not to return him, that's on you again.  Everyone is starting 2 wonder if u treat ur daughters mother and sons mother so wrong is thay why they, esp (daughter), does the same thing to u on front of (son) thay day u picked (son) up... .? Momma is breaking some chains for her son, no way in hell will I let him see this anymore. A RO is the best route

(Son) always has diapers.  Always always. Never do I let him go without the stuff he needs ... .now, goodbye and God Bless You.



She does not have a lawyer, and now she's talking about restraining orders because she's been sick? She's unstable

[married21years]

ok then the boundary you have in place seems correct

can she afford therapy?

or is it free from the state.

there is no point telling her she has BPD and to get help, just use the boundary

 

[married21years]

very difficult situation i feel for you

but stay strong 

[JerryRG]

She knows she's BPD, unrecoverd drug addict, bipolar, add, panic disorder and she won't seek help. She can get the help she needs at no cost. She promised she would last fall and I cared for our son while she slept. She don't want to work and comes up with health reasons to not care for our son.

And I ask her not to discuss her issues and you see her wrath.

She admits she's too sick to care for our son then blames me for keeping him away?

Thank you married21years

I'm trying but as you can see she's volital and unstable

[married21years]

She knows she's BPD, unrecoverd drug addict, bipolar, add, panic disorder and she won't seek help. She can get the help she needs at no cost. She promised she would last fall and I cared for our son while she slept. She don't want to work and comes up with health reasons to not care for our son.

And I ask her not to discuss her issues and you see her wrath.

She admits she's too sick to care for our son then blames me for keeping him away?

Thank you married21years

I'm trying but as you can see she's volital and unstable

your doing an amazing job

dont judge yourself too harshly

you will get through this

remember there is help from your sponsor aa and here

all here for you