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Author Topic: How to self soothe the need for intimacy?  (Read 333 times)
SoMadSoSad
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 375


« on: July 26, 2016, 01:59:20 PM »

I am a loner so I like being on my own. Since the breakup I still have a lingering need for intimacy. Is there anyway i can self soothe to get over this need and enjoy being on my own again?
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VitaminC
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« Reply #1 on: July 26, 2016, 02:18:23 PM »

I am a loner so I like being on my own. Since the breakup I still have a lingering need for intimacy.

That can be tough, SoMadSoSad.   How long ago since the breakup? Do you mean physical intimacy? If that, then in my case it took about 6 weeks, I guess. Not that I don't want physical intimacy, but that I don't specifically desire him anymore. Everyone's going to be different here. 

If you mean emotional intimacy, or even just sharing normal times and things with a particular person - well, hm, probably around the same amount of time for me, now that I think of it. It was a relief to have time to myself at first, to see other friends and do stuff without feeling I should include him or tell him or whatever. Somewhere in there I also missed little practical things he'd done or I'd done for him.

I just threw myself into stuff. Then I got really quite low for 3 or 4 weeks, very sad and weak as a kitten and incapable of much of anything useful. And gradually I felt my strength coming back.

I don't know if that's the kind of thing you mean? Lingering needs are ok, you know. They tell you about something that you actually like or need or want.  Nice time to notice what they are and see what different ways you can fill them. Some things can only be filled by one specific particular individual maybe, and that's a loss we'll always carry. But that's ok too, in a way.  The loss and any sadness accompanying it is, as my dearest friend my ex-husband once put it, "a stone worn smooth from holding it". 

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joeramabeme
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Relationship status: In process of divorcing
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« Reply #2 on: July 26, 2016, 04:09:09 PM »

I am a loner so I like being on my own. Since the breakup I still have a lingering need for intimacy. Is there anyway i can self soothe to get over this need and enjoy being on my own again?

If you are not ready for a relationship the only thing I can think of here is to try and meet a women friend.  I am not talking FWB, rather female companionship (assuming that female is your preference for mate).  I have had really good women friends in the past and in the present.  I find I get a sense of intimacy that I dont get with guy friends.

If that doesn't work for you, try a massage, the physical contact may be just what your body needs to help you out.  There are lots of nice people that are willing to talk about your life while giving a massage, it can be very therapeutic and a good substitute for the type of intimacy you may be seeking.

JRB

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