I just found out they're moving in together. I feel terrible.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

They may have well been legally living together since they're always with one another.  My exes lease with her room mates is about to be up.

That means she's going to be moving in with the replacement.  They've been together almost 10 months.

It feels horrible.  We were together five years and didn't even live together.

[Indifferent28]

They may have well been legally living together since they're always with one another.  My exes lease with her room mates is about to be up.

That means she's going to be moving in with the replacement.  They've been together almost 10 months.

It feels horrible.  We were together five years and didn't even live together.

[Larmoyant]

Indifferent, this must hurt and I'm so sorry   Can I ask how you found out?

[steelwork]

 

I remember the day I found out my ex had moved in with his gf. It hit me like a mack truck. I got back up, and then it knocked me down again, rinse, repeat. But it was also the day I began to truly understand that he was living a new life--one that I would not be a part of. And that had to happen for me to start getting better.

[Indifferent28]

Larmoyant,
I found out from a co worker who saw a status she posted about it. Though I am trying to move on,  it still hurts very much. Thanks for your hug  

Steel work, 
I'm sorry you went through the same.  I am sorry anyone on this board is going through anything like this. I already know she is living a life away from me.  She never tries reaching out or does or says anything anywhere else that she misses me,  even for a moment.  Actually,  she hasn't since the break up over a year ago.  Not one thing,  and I was the most amazing person in the world to her.  Now I am dead to her.

Are we allowed to post songs on here that we feel relate to us,  in regards to losing someone?  I just listened to an old song I used to love last night and I feel all of us here could relate to the lyrics.

[Larmoyant]

Hi Indifferent, I've seen songs posted on here before. I'd say go ahead. Songs help us to express our feelings sometimes and can be cathartic. I'd like to read the lyrics.

[bus boy]

Hi indifferent28, like most on here, I can relate all to well to your pain. It wasn't a shocker to me when my ex's BF moved in to her house. When we met, she wanted sex on the second date and we pretty much lived together from that point. I figured she would do the same and she did. The painful part was how I found out I was replaced. I couldn't get in touch with s9 for 11 days, that is not unusual. The Sunday morning of s9's bday, he called me, I was very happy to talk to him. He told me mommys BF was coming to his bday. I stayed strong but cried for days when I got home. I grew a lot from that day but still feel moments of pain and doubt. I tell my self if she is in a true, unconditional loving r/s she wouldn't be using her BF as a flying monkey. She wouldn't be as mean and treacherous as ever and no sign of let up on her part. So it proves to me, I'm moving and she is stuck. There goal is to hurt. Pay them no mind.

[Indifferent28]

Here is the song I think a lot of people missing a BPD ex could relate to.
Always loved it but never related to the lyrics until now. You can picture this scenario happening to you. It could be for any hard break up but i feel it specifically relates well to us because it talks about the girl basically flashing the new replacement in his face, and him wanting her but knowing she'd destroy him.
And the depths we go to try to forget this BPD ex, and then we see them and question it all.

The song is called sometime around midnight by airborne toxic event. Check the song out.
If not, heres the lyrics.

And it starts
Sometime around midnight
Or at least that's when
You lose yourself
For a minute or two

As you stand
Under the bar lights
And the band plays some song
About forgetting yourself for a while
And the piano's this melancholy sound check
To her smile
And that white dress she's wearing
You haven't seen her
For a while

But you know
That she's watching
She's laughing, she's turning
She's holding her tonic like a crux
The room suddenly spinning
She walks up and asks how you are
So you can smell her perfume
You can see her lying naked in your arms

And so there's a change
In your emotions
And all of these memories come rushing
Like feral waves to your mind
Of the curl of your bodies
Like two perfect circles entwined
And you feel hopeless, and homeless
And lost in the haze
Of the wine

And she leaves
With someone you don't know
But she makes sure you saw her
She looks right at you and bolts
As she walks out the door
Your blood boiling
Your stomach in ropes
And when your friends say what is it
You look like you've seen a ghost

And you walk
Under the streetlights
And you're too drunk to notice
That everyone is staring at you
And you so care what you look like
The world is falling
Around you

You just have to see her
You just have to see her
And you know that she'll break you in two

[Ceruleanblue]

Great song, I'd never heard it. I know even though I'm making plans to leave, it's going to hurt, and he'll likely move right on to someone very soon. He did last time when he walked out on me. He slept with a dominatrix he looked up within two weeks, if not less, of walking out on our marriage. Heck, he'd been telling me months prior to leaving that he wanted to sleep with other women! Talk about twisting the knife.

It still hurts though that they seem to move on so fast, and so easily. Even if you feel you are mostly over them, and know they aren't good for you, even if you had to leave, it hurts. I guess we should be thankful that we can feel that way, because it's something they seem to lack. I just can't imagine having an "easy come, easy go" attitude like that.

Thanks for sharing the song. I've really been finding comfort in music right now too. Check out Eric Church's song "Record Year". I plan on getting a turntable after/before I leave, and finally playing all that old vinyl to help myself heal(unlike in the song). 

[Indifferent28]

Bus Boy:

I'm very sorry to hear your story and to hear she followed the same rush path with him. Are they still together? I assume so by your post. Do you feel they'll stay together? The pain hurts, that they'd allow themselves to be that trusting to LIVE with someone that they don't know well enough. But in their own minds, they think they know everything about this person. I guess that's part of that honeymoon syndrome, huh? My ex is sort of opposite of yours. I can tell the replacement is using her, for her vehicle, and her money WHEN she had a job. So, it seems BPD people can use others or be oblivious to being used/not care that they are being used. Do you ever have hope for another chance? Yes, one thing about this all, is I feel we've all grown a lot from learning our exes, while they continue to fall.

Ceruleanblue:

It is a great song! So overlooked, yet so relateable and beautiful.
Wow! He actually told you he wanted to sleep with others? How rude and sick. What did you tell him? In your case, yes... .It sounds like you need to leave. Do you have good times with him anymore, or is it all bad? The horror stories here... .My ex never even checked out or commented other peoples appearances, as being "hot" until we broke up. Then people she used to say weren't attractive, suddenly she found so hot and made it a point to tell me. Like she purposely was trying to jab it at me.

Yeah, you're right. It feels unreal to know they move on so fast. Before I knew or suspected my ex had BPD, after the break up, i thought she was just "hiding" her feelings for me and hurt by me, so she didnt want me to know she had any feelings left. Now i see that isn't the case. My ex 360d after we broke up, and gained every opposite trait she had when we broke up. When did your red flags begin?

Ill check out the song! I'm glad you enjoyed the one i posted. Good luck and stay strong. Feel free to continue talking about your situation

[Indifferent28]

One more thing everyone, like what the hell?
How in the world is my ex and the replacement getting a place together when neither has a job? It isn't the replacements home either. It's like a new place. Not sure if it's an apartment, a rental, or what it is. But it's in a different city than where the replacement lives right now, so i know it isn't her current home.

My exes lease with her room mates is up and that's why she is moving.
Though i figured she'd be in with the replacement soon enough.

I just don't get HOW. She must be mooching off new room mates, because she has no money saved or job, and hasn't made an effort to look for one since being fired from our work place.

Even if her and her girl friend are receiving government aid, I don't think they could be getting enough to get a place.

[Indifferent28]

Help please.
I keep having ups and downs about this situation!

[bus boy]

Yes they are still together. Will they stay together? I don't know. If he catches on to her using him as a flying monkey, she's lying to him. Who knows how he will react when the honeymoon stage fades. She is a master manuplator and knows how to use sex to control. You ask do I feel there is hope for another chance, no. I hung on to her for 8 years after she left, turned my self inside out for her forever trying to prove my self, a never ending, mentally exhausting undertaking. She provided sex I provided the npd/BPD source. The one song I can think of for her is the old country song, thank god and greyhound she's gone.

[bus boy]

I wish I could take your pain away but I can't.  We can't go around it, we must march head on through it and you will come out the other side a better person. It does get better trust me, trust the good people on these boards. I am still single but I've moved on mentally. My ex is common law and by the way she acts towards me, shows me she has not moved on. Normal people don't get people to do abnormal things. I think of it like god, as I see god, put the replacement her way to save me. Re frame your thinking. Things will get better, the harder we work for our recovery the more we cherish it.

[Lilyroze]

Dear Indifferent,

I am so sorry for your hurt right now. Have a question and dependent on your answer will b e what I write further. Who wanted to move in together you or you ex?