Experiencing Detachment Regression

[joeramabeme]

LOL!  For real, I have been going backwards this month, the anniversary month of when she left.

I still miss her.  I want to be able to report that I have detached and moved on - and the truth is that I somewhat have - but not entirely.  All through this month I have been challenged with thinking of all the time we spent together and how there is not a shred of relationship left to substantiate the memories with her.  I just keep thinking to myself, I can't believe it.

A few months ago I reached out to my ex-MIL and wrote a card to say goodbye and floated the idea of a cup of coffee.  Didn't hear back until recently and she said yes.  I was surprised and now have plans to see her this weekend.  I am comfortable enough with that, but have found my mind drifting into fantasy thoughts that my ex will show up out of the blue and tell me how hard it has all been without "us" etc.  Yes, this is fantasy, one I have not let go of. 

Thought I saw her car this morning as I left for work.  If it was her, she was driving behind me so I hit the gas to not verify as it would have meant that she was likely coming from an overnight somewhere in my neighborhood, and my thoughts got started on that too.

This is all so darned hard. 

The woman I have been dating for a few months is telling me that she is going to start pushing me harder to get over it all.  And she wants more closeness between the 2 of us.  Makes me feel like I really am behind the curve.  Letting go feels like it takes me much longer than what I have heard others say it does for them.  I have been making progress but I hit some potholes this month... .

I am down on myself and have even entertained foolish harmful thoughts (not terrible - but not helpful).  What's that Gregory Scott Peck book that has the opening line; "life is hard", The Road Less Traveled.  Not going to read that book and wished I would just get on the freeway and sit in traffic with everyone else... . 

[fromheeltoheal]

Hi joe-

Do you see a future with this new gal?  You don't get over a 10 year marriage in a day, and there are no timeframes anyway, it is what it is, although the best way to fight something is to not fight it, create something new.  This new gal has told you she wants more closeness, and while jumping into something new before you've processed the last relationship is not a recommended way to detach, it's not detaching, it's replacing, and up to you to decide where you are, and if you're stuck, or as you say are regressing, creating a compelling vision for your future and then taking steps in that direction can be the focus shift that gets you unstuck.  So is this new gal part of your future?