FOO such a confusion influence?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello everyone

Hope you all are dealing and healing and moving forward.

I had to text my son's mother and as usual I got lies, manipulation and control. That's nothing new.

The thing that hit me was the overwhelming belief I have to endure her and her treatment as if I don't have control over my own life and choices.

I may be mistaken but this relationship is so similar to my mother, she was not a happy, well person and I wanted to get away from her yet I was dependent on her. Obviously as a child I was dependent but as an adult I still clung to the belief.

I guess it suite her and myself to have this dependent relationship?

Anyway it felt like a trap, no way out and now I'm reliving this same scenario with my sons mother. I don't have to be around her, I don't want to allow her to hurt my feelings but I do, again and again.

I know she's extremely mentally ill, mean and selfish and cruel, yet I expect her to change and on top of this insanity I keep holding on to a belief she will one day change and be a nice person.

Maybe I'm still holding on to the hope my mother would treat me like her son, am I repeating this crazy belief with my sons mother?

There has to be more to this than simply being upset with a sick person with BPD.

[JerryRG]

Hello everyone

Hope you all are dealing and healing and moving forward.

I had to text my son's mother and as usual I got lies, manipulation and control. That's nothing new.

The thing that hit me was the overwhelming belief I have to endure her and her treatment as if I don't have control over my own life and choices.

I may be mistaken but this relationship is so similar to my mother, she was not a happy, well person and I wanted to get away from her yet I was dependent on her. Obviously as a child I was dependent but as an adult I still clung to the belief.

I guess it suite her and myself to have this dependent relationship?

Anyway it felt like a trap, no way out and now I'm reliving this same scenario with my sons mother. I don't have to be around her, I don't want to allow her to hurt my feelings but I do, again and again.

I know she's extremely mentally ill, mean and selfish and cruel, yet I expect her to change and on top of this insanity I keep holding on to a belief she will one day change and be a nice person.

Maybe I'm still holding on to the hope my mother would treat me like her son, am I repeating this crazy belief with my sons mother?

There has to be more to this than simply being upset with a sick person with BPD.

[married21years]

hi Jerry

a lot of alcoholics come to CODA as the Alcoholism is a method of coping with Co dependency

have you looked at co dependency

 

pm me if you want

[gotbushels]

Hi JerryRG 

I guess it suite her and myself to have this dependent relationship?

What does this mean to you? What might it mean to her?

[bunny4523]

I know she's extremely mentally ill, mean and selfish and cruel, yet I expect her to change and on top of this insanity I keep holding on to a belief she will one day change and be a nice person.

Do you have people in your life that are mentally sound that you can surround yourself with?  I think it might help to be around people that are not like this... .play in that world for awhile and your ex will become a smaller and smaller issue.  Right now, you have to interact with her so much because of your son, it is consuming.  Try and balance with some "healthy realtionships" if you can... .   

Hoping it will help you to see more of the world you want to live in rather than the one that is trying to suck you back in... .

Hope you can find some support, having children with exBPD has got to make it 1,000x more difficult.

hang in there,
Bunny