She still reads my emails? what does this mean?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I couldn't take being in the dark (silent treatment) so I sent a tracker on my emails. Shes been reading them 4 weeks after she said not to contact her anymore, particularly the email where I was apologetic seems to resonate with her (read 40 times) since originally sent in June. She reads the ones where I stood my ground only once but harkens back to this "im sorry" email, even read twice last night. Does this mean she is still thinking about me? Contemplating reaching out or just makes her feel good? Why that email of the many I've sent? Someone please break this down, I'm losing my soul over this?

[goodguy_74]

I couldn't take being in the dark (silent treatment) so I sent a tracker on my emails. Shes been reading them 4 weeks after she said not to contact her anymore, particularly the email where I was apologetic seems to resonate with her (read 40 times) since originally sent in June. She reads the ones where I stood my ground only once but harkens back to this "im sorry" email, even read twice last night. Does this mean she is still thinking about me? Contemplating reaching out or just makes her feel good? Why that email of the many I've sent? Someone please break this down, I'm losing my soul over this?

[tryingsome]

Well i wiil keep this short.

First she reads the apology email because it helps her self soothe. It helps ease the pain of the relationship. They tend to have a hard time overloading emotuons, this takes the burden off.

Now you should not track. More sobecause it will start to become obsessive and you will lose sight of what you need.

Cheets and good luck.

[Lilyroze]

  Goodguy,

I have a thread here on the Silent treatment that has happened, I am not sure if it would be of any help as maybe whole different situation then this. Yours is opposite, but might give you some insight. Either way take what you can, throw out the rest and be blessed.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=296582.20

I know no one knows how another feels let alone some one with BPD. I am a non but have had to deal with a few and well am emotional if a misunderstanding, truly who isn't if you a heart or hurt. The person in my life was very wise, centered no emotions... .hehe I really loved that many times. But not now... .

I would say please take a step back, give her time to process and heal as well as you. I don't know your situation if you could explain more I am sure many would like to give you insight.

I would just say remember only you know if it was true love, respect, true harmony and good relationship. Or more lust, just appearance or not deep.

If true love and a foundation was there give her time. Sometimes if someone is hurt what we perceive as silent treatment might be a hurt or misunderstanding from how we worded things. Stats show most problems are 10% the problem and 90% how it is communicated.

Here is a thread that might help as well my post is here

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=166873.msg12788965#msg12788965

But the fact she is reading shows me her heart still loves you. I am not sure the circumstances of the NC, if she was firm and there was reasons, you could talk about. Maybe give some examples of what happened so we could give insight. If too private I understand. I am a very private person, in my life, my circle of friends, my art and my profession. Only a few ever knew my problems ever. I didn't want to betray even being on here but has helped.

 If not and she was just upset then I would encourage you to eventually reach out again, and not close the door. Maybe she doesn't know how to or thinks she is imposing now.

How do you feel weeks later? Do you still love her? How do you think she feels, you would know her better then any here?

Take care and either way glad you found the board, reached out and signed up.

Thanks for letting me stop in.

Forgot the sorry one... .because that means the world that you said sorry and took accountability to a point.

ETA: not sure why you think she has BPD but if so there is some great validation tools, articles and book resources. If she is just emotional, I caution you to remember women tend to be remember Men are from Mars, Women from Venus. God made women more emotional to be nurturing to their children. Again use what you can throw out the rest and be happy. The path is not to happiness. Happiness is the path.



LR

[fromheeltoheal]

particularly the email where I was apologetic seems to resonate with her (read 40 times) since originally sent in June. She reads the ones where I stood my ground only once but harkens back to this "im sorry" email, even read twice last night. Does this mean she is still thinking about me? Contemplating reaching out or just makes her feel good?  Why that email of the many I've sent?

Borderlines hate to lose an attachment, it's the worst thing that can happen, and reading that apology email makes her feel good, like an attachment is still in place, where the ones where you stood your ground feel like abandonment to her, again the worst thing that can happen.

Someone please break this down, I'm losing my soul over this?

You and I don't really think you're losing your soul, but the end of these relationships are very painful and confusing, I understand.  I know there's an urge, an obsession that can feel like an addiction, to keep track of her, to see what she's up to, to still hope.  That may last a while, and the way to deal with it is to focus on your detachment and focus on shifting the focus from her to you, it's a process, but you can guide it with your focus.

[Lilyroze]

Thought I should add if the person is technical or does business they would use a tracker automatically. I wouldn't think stalker at all, just happens to use for their life work, perhaps. Many have to for a living. I don't yet but will be for business contracts, work sent etc. It will protect me legally. Many of those programs then are automatic I believe from looking into. Could be wrong.

If there was true love there seeing that they are questioning I would think. Again will let them speak for themselves but first post didn't want them scared off when they were probably using for business.

[Jonathan Ricciardi]

Post removed by moderators

[goodguy_74]

Lilyroze,
Thank you for the understanding and NOT judgmental words in a support group. The Silent treatment came after the devaluation process. She had hurt me so i took a step back for a few days, within that time she blocked my phone number for a month, I emailed her and she said, i stopped talking to her and she blocked me. I started to track to see if i was being totally ignored, by which I found I wasn't, she was reading just not responding. I tried to smooth things over to no avail... .the more I read about BPD I felt like a fool, I sent her a final email stating that I knew what was going on and she finally responded please dont email me anymore I don't want your friendship. Two nights ago she read some angry one i wrote once and re-read the "i'm sorry baby" one. What is your take?

[Xstang77]

I think your addicted to a very ill person,I know that it hurts and your trying to make sense of it but please understand you can't use logic to make sense of her if she truly is BPD,from what I gather it's been nc pretty much for a month? At this point you should be working on detaching,you are hurting your own progress by trying to understand the mentally ill.

[Lilyroze]

Yes I see you must have felt very hurt with all that.

The Silent treatment came after the devaluation process. She had hurt me so i took a step back for a few days, within that time she blocked my phone number for a month, I emailed her and she said, i stopped talking to her and she blocked me.

How long had you both known each other, and in your relationship?

When you say devaluation process what do you mean by that? Can you give some examples?

So there is a communication misunderstanding, and if possible BPD then she sees things different, then you would be right now.  Not sure which or if just emotional due to what transpired or hurt the relationship in the first place.

[Turkish]

Two nights ago she read some angry one i wrote once and re-read the "i'm sorry baby" one. What is your take?

It's hard to "diagnose" this by proxy.  You know her.  I had angry messages mixed in with those which were apologetic, verbally and by email.  You're hurting and looking for answers to validate you.  Likely she is too. I was where you are at,  like most of us here,  trying to process our own pain while looking for answers.  

The site is about to go offline for maybe up to a day while we do server upgrades. I hope you strick around to continue the discussion and how best we can support you.  

Turkish

[Lilyroze]

Goodguy,

I wanted to write you back here as not sure I will be on when you need me, so didn't want you to wait for a DM, as you are new and perhaps others can help as well.

I appreciate you sending me your thoughts I did read it and care,  and answering if I might suggest this: https://bpdfamily.com/content/borderline-personality-disorder for you to read.

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

I don't believe the coffee situation or wanting to be with friends would quite qualify for devaluing or even put her quite in this category of BPD. Usually that is such an ugly scene, trust me the coffee example you sent me doesn't quite apply. Unless of course you have more details, which being your first time here you can tell more. Sharing more of your stories or concerns gives more chance for more insight.

 Though it doesn't qualify as devaluing it doesn't mean it didn't hurt. I can see how hard that must be, and to want to spend time with her.

 Did you broach it more then a few times in a nice way about quality time vs with her friends?

I am not saying there is not more here that needs delved into to help you understand as there are great articles, tools, posts, and book recommendations.

That is why I asked these first so we had some idea. I know you are hurt and upset. Seems maybe she is immature, and the online dating for 6 months meant different to her then you. Refusing coffee dates, and calls while she went with friends as hurtful as it is
might just mean she wasn't ready for a relationship in the way you were.

If she told you NC, at this point it is best to respect it, how she left it. If she reaches out great, or unblocks you and you choose to reach out maybe you could see if she wants to be friends again first?

At that point you could use the tools to validate her feelings.

For now though why don't you stop looking at the emails, and concentrate on some small things that bring you joy or some goals you want to achieve? Is there anything you are wanting to do right now to get past this hurt?

[goodguy_74]

Lilyroze, I didn't piece it together until I read about silent treatment and BPD then I realize she was textbook. She was a victim of sexual trauma, depression, alcohol abuse, depression, anxiety, cold, distant, searching for the "perfect"guy, whom she thought was me until an argument made her "see clearly". Then the disinterest started (which wasn't that way at first)when she used to come on quite strong. She would not speak to her friends for absurd reasons but I believe it was when someone stood their ground. I've never been in a situation with a full on Femme Fatale I long for some fake dreamworld where I thought i had found the perfect girl and i feel stuck and just as empty. I'm trying to get back into working out at the gym, but the mental and emotional paralysis is debilitating.