Feels like there's not much left anyway...

[Mr Orange]

So, things have been better for me lately. A little over 5 months now since I separated from my uBPDw. We had only been married about 2 years when I left; together about 3 total. We have only had one face to face meeting since I left in late February, and that meeting was in late May. It seemed at that point that she realized and accepted she also had to change for things to work out between us, but not long after that she said I just didn't like who she was as a person. Since mid June we have had no contact whatsoever. I have been seeing a counselor for my own therapy, which has been very helpful. The counselor unofficially says it does sound like my wife may have ptsd and a personality disorder; probable BPD with some traits of NPD. I was thinking earlier today, even if my wife suddenly expressed a desire to work on herself, the idea of us being together again actually seems bizarre. Not having more than a couple of years of marriage, and then being apart for 5+ months; I don't know... .it's like I've gotten used to us not being together to the point that the idea of us trying to be a couple again doesn't feel right at all. Not that it's even on the table at this point. I don't know, anyone relate? Not sure if I'm making sense. Separation is an unfortunate life stage. Not really married or sharing your life with someone, and also not single either. Just in limbo. Sigh... .

[married21years]

 

hi yes it is an awful time and it will pass

gives us time to focus on us

a new concept for many

[heartandwhole]

Hi Mr. Orange,

Yes, I do know that feeling. For me, it was usually after attempting to reconnect with a boyfriend after a breakup (back in the day, when I had "healthy" relationships and breakups), because we loved each other even if the relationship wasn't working. At those times, I could always feel that it was over, and it made me feel really sad. That no matter how much we loved each other or what we did going forward, it wasn't the same anymore and wouldn't work. Tough to go through, for sure.

You have time on your side here. The longer you are without your ex, the more you can step back and see the bigger picture... .and the possibilities that are out there for you. There's a whole new life waiting for you, Mr. Orange.  I look forward to hearing about your discoveries.

heartandwhole

[Indifferent28]

Its a horrible feeling because i spent so many months after this break up, thinking of us reuniting.

Now it is like you guys sad, it would never be the same, and "the same" is what made it what i loved, so special so unique.
I think it's a sad realization for all of us.

It is change.
The very thing BPDs tell us they are afraid of, yet bring about such drastic changes themselves.

[Lucky Jim]

The very thing BPDs tell us they are afraid of, yet bring about such drastic changes themselves

I agree w/that, Indifferent.  Their behavior brings about the exact result they are trying to avoid, in my view, which is part of the BPD paradox: they want love, but don't act in loving fashion; they fear abandonment, but push you away; they seek stability, but bring about chaos; etc.

LuckyJim