Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
December 22, 2024, 08:56:56 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Survey: How do you compare?
Adult Children Sensitivity
67% are highly sensitive
Romantic Break-ups
73% have five or more recycles
Physical Hitting
66% of members were hit
Depression Test
61% of members are moderate-severe
108
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
I feel like this is it
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: I feel like this is it (Read 399 times)
josephrl82
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 26
I feel like this is it
«
on:
August 02, 2016, 02:13:35 PM »
She is 5 months pregnant, and NC for two and a half weeks now. I'm starting too feel like this could be it. We have split and got back together close to a dozen times in the past year and a half. Every split resulted in her finding a new man or men to fill the void in her heart. She would rub it in my face, saying things like: "I just put so and so to bed," and "they can bust as many loads in me as they want because I'm already pregnant," and "I could be married to so and so before the baby is born and it will get his last name." This time when I left she said "I already had someone lined up that I've been talking to, and was planning on leaving you anyway!"
I shut her phone off immediately since I didn't see it being fair that I pay her phone bill for her to talk to her new boyfriends. I broke down and sent her a written letter the day before yesterday. In it I wrote about how I was so devoted to her and all I received in return were constant accusations, and abuse (both physical and emotional).
It tears me apart to think of her with another man, but I also know that I can not, and will not live my life walking on egg shells wondering if the next time I step out the door (even to work) I will be accused of some disgusting atrocious act. I have been on antidepressants since our last break up, which I think is making it easier to cope with this time, but it's still tearing me up inside trying to maintain NC.
Logged
joeramabeme
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: In process of divorcing
Posts: 995
Re: I feel like this is it
«
Reply #1 on:
August 02, 2016, 08:06:24 PM »
Joseph
Tough story and emotions that follow. Glad to hear that you are taking care of yourself with some meds. Is there any chance that your ex is having a lot of feelings around being a Mom, for example triggering emotions that would make her reject you? Also, (asking sensitively) are you sure that it is your child? You will likely have a lot more contact with her in the future as a co-parent so it will be helpful to your and your newborn to learn how to talk and communicate with the Mother in a way that produces the best outcome for your child.
Have you read any of the Lesson on this site about how to communicate with someone that is BPD?
JRB
Logged
fromheeltoheal
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up, I left her
Posts: 5642
Re: I feel like this is it
«
Reply #2 on:
August 02, 2016, 08:10:09 PM »
Quote from: josephrl82 on August 02, 2016, 02:13:35 PM
I'm starting too feel like this could be it.
So what's the goal joseph? Sounds like she can do whatever she wants, sleep with whomever she wants, abuse you, and you'll still take her back, 12 times or so already, you "broke down" and pledged devotion two days ago, and you're taking antidepressants to cope. So what's the goal? It will only be over when you say it's over, so what place do you need to get to, to make that happen with conviction? What's different this time?
Logged
josephrl82
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 26
Re: I feel like this is it
«
Reply #3 on:
August 02, 2016, 10:54:56 PM »
Quote from: joeramabeme on August 02, 2016, 08:06:24 PM
Joseph
Is there any chance that your ex is having a lot of feelings around being a Mom, for example triggering emotions that would make her reject you? Also, (asking sensitively) are you sure that it is your child?
JRB
She already has 4 children by 4 different fathers. So I don't think it's the pregnancy is any kind of trigger to her rejection of me.
I'm not at all positive it is mine either. There is no way I could have even remotely hinted at the idea of a dna test when we were together. If this truly is the end of our romantic relationship I will surely make sure it's mine before moving forward.
Logged
married21years
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 609
Re: I feel like this is it
«
Reply #4 on:
August 03, 2016, 03:03:21 AM »
went through something similar with my ex
proceeded to tell me how wonderful her new lover was
my response was i hope you find happiness with him
i didn't bite, wished her well and hoped she had a wonderful life
next day said he was married and cheating on his wife and she hated him
this is the point i knew it was over for ever and developed my exit strategy.
this is the day my complete honesty with her ended and it was about protecting me from her from that day
the official story is i am heart broken and living on my dads boat and unemployed.
she has no more hooks into my life and no access to information!
i am safe
Logged
heartandwhole
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3592
Re: I feel like this is it
«
Reply #5 on:
August 03, 2016, 03:44:39 AM »
Hi josephrl82,
You sound like you are really hurting, and that is so understandable. In the same situation, I'd be wrecked. That is a lot of drama to handle.
It has only been two weeks of NC; that is not long at all. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but it does get better. In the beginning it can often feel like we're just white-knuckling it, and that sucks.
I just want to say, as an outside observer, that her words toward you are incredibly hurtful and insensitive. I felt angry just reading them. You deserve so much more, josephrl82; you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.
What is one thing you can do today to treat yourself with compassion and care? For me, it might be take time to write, or take a long walk, or just be a couch potato. Take yourself out of the drama for awhile. Your heart and mind need time to rebalance.
heartandwhole
Logged
When the pain of love increases your joy, roses and lilies fill the garden of your soul.
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
I feel like this is it
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...