Have finally made the decision to end it

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I've been married to a pwBPD for almost 14 years. I just recently started researching his behavior and when I found all this information on BPD, it felt like I finally solved a complicated math problem I'd been trying to solve over all these years. I knew from the beginning of our relationship that he was not normal. I tried to break it off a couple times, only to be bullied and charmed into staying with him. I had a son from a previous relationship and he always mistreated him and I have never felt so much regret for not being stronger all those years ago. My son is now 21 and went off to join the military and seems to have turned out ok despite all the years of verbal and mental abuse he endured from his step dad.

I'm now 43 years old and left with a whole 18 wheeler truckload of regret. I have always loved kids. I cheated myself out of having more because I married a monster who I would not reproduce with if you offered me a million dollars.

My family has not been to my house in 7 years although I only live across town. They don't want to be around him. My friends can't stand him. Family vacations and outings are always ruined solely because of his behavior. It's embarrassing and I have been cheated out on a lot of joy in life.

I'm telling myself I am still young and it's not too late to have a normal happy life. I'm not perfect by no means, but I'm not the self centered, controlling princess I'm repeatedly told that I am.  I have finally made a decision to get out of this hell. I cannot share my plan with anyone until I'm in the final stages of escaping. This week I rented a mailbox at a Mailboxes Etc., today I opened a separate bank account at a bank he does not have any ties to. I will begin to stash money away. I'm giving myself until the end of next year to free myself.

I cannot tell anyone because I fear he will find out. I just feel like a lightbulb has came on in my brain and I refuse to settle to live like this for the rest of my life. I'm scared, yet excited all at the same time. I'm so ready!

[Kimtexas43]

I've been married to a pwBPD for almost 14 years. I just recently started researching his behavior and when I found all this information on BPD, it felt like I finally solved a complicated math problem I'd been trying to solve over all these years. I knew from the beginning of our relationship that he was not normal. I tried to break it off a couple times, only to be bullied and charmed into staying with him. I had a son from a previous relationship and he always mistreated him and I have never felt so much regret for not being stronger all those years ago. My son is now 21 and went off to join the military and seems to have turned out ok despite all the years of verbal and mental abuse he endured from his step dad.

I'm now 43 years old and left with a whole 18 wheeler truckload of regret. I have always loved kids. I cheated myself out of having more because I married a monster who I would not reproduce with if you offered me a million dollars.

My family has not been to my house in 7 years although I only live across town. They don't want to be around him. My friends can't stand him. Family vacations and outings are always ruined solely because of his behavior. It's embarrassing and I have been cheated out on a lot of joy in life.

I'm telling myself I am still young and it's not too late to have a normal happy life. I'm not perfect by no means, but I'm not the self centered, controlling princess I'm repeatedly told that I am.  I have finally made a decision to get out of this hell. I cannot share my plan with anyone until I'm in the final stages of escaping. This week I rented a mailbox at a Mailboxes Etc., today I opened a separate bank account at a bank he does not have any ties to. I will begin to stash money away. I'm giving myself until the end of next year to free myself.

I cannot tell anyone because I fear he will find out. I just feel like a lightbulb has came on in my brain and I refuse to settle to live like this for the rest of my life. I'm scared, yet excited all at the same time. I'm so ready!

[fromheeltoheal]

Welcome to the Detaching board kimtexas.  What you've written is the sound of conviction, and I notice you've spent your time here on the Improving board, but you're done done, so off to Detaching!  Good for you, you've already set the wheels in motion and what's the plan for the next year and a half with him, same as it has been?

[GaGrl]

Are you legally married? If so, read postings on the Legal board... .it will help as you move through the process.

[Kimtexas43]

The plan is to just live day to day as I've done all these years. Sometimes it's good, but most times we just coexist. Date nights have become quieter and quieter. I usually do my own thing in my free time with my friends and family anyway since he is usually not invited or not interested in joining (thank goodness, ).  The reason for the deadline is partly so I can pay off our debts (I solely handle the finances - not by choice, but he wants no part of it), and partly so I can save up enough of a nest egg to get an apartment and some basic furnishings. I know he will not leave our home, so I will have to do the leaving. I know it's going to be ugly. I want to be as prepared as possible.

And yes, we are legally married. I will check out that board, thank you!

[married21years]

  welcome

we are all in the same boat

grab an oar and jump in

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