What was the cause of my being painted black

[Depression = 72% of members]

Was it me standing up for myself and telling him enough was enough for messing me around (in ways in which I was allowed to contact him) and then getting even more angry with the ST he imposed following it and texting him he was selfish etc

Or

Was it me telling him I had fallen in love with him but he was no good for me

I'm curious to hear which one of those (if not both) made him run for the hills and cut off all contact.

[insideoutside]

Was it me standing up for myself and telling him enough was enough for messing me around (in ways in which I was allowed to contact him) and then getting even more angry with the ST he imposed following it and texting him he was selfish etc

Or

Was it me telling him I had fallen in love with him but he was no good for me

I'm curious to hear which one of those (if not both) made him run for the hills and cut off all contact.

[UnforgivenII]

If you said "the sun is yellow" it would have been a good reason to paint you black.
I was discarded for asking if he loved me.
Any reason is a good reason. Do not seek a sense in senseless people

[married21years]

all of them!

especially being told you love them! 

[fromheeltoheal]

Was it me standing up for myself and telling him enough was enough for messing me around (in ways in which I was allowed to contact him) and then getting even more angry with the ST he imposed following it and texting him he was selfish etc

Or

Was it me telling him I had fallen in love with him but he was no good for me

Both of those were interpreted by him as abandonment, or potential abandonment, the worst thing that can happen for a borderline, so he got triggered, the emotions were too strong, so bail to feel better, and then, accepting any responsibility would trigger shame, so it has to be all you.

Very painful IB, although good for you for setting boundaries with him, the alternative being you could have let him get away with it, sacrifice your own boundaries, an ugly place.

[insideoutside]

Was it me standing up for myself and telling him enough was enough for messing me around (in ways in which I was allowed to contact him) and then getting even more angry with the ST he imposed following it and texting him he was selfish etc

Or

Was it me telling him I had fallen in love with him but he was no good for me

Both of those were interpreted by him as abandonment, or potential abandonment, the worst thing that can happen for a borderline, so he got triggered, the emotions were too strong, so bail to feel better, and then, accepting any responsibility would trigger shame, so it has to be all you.

Very painful IB, although good for you for setting boundaries with him, the alternative being you could have let him get away with it, sacrifice your own boundaries, an ugly place.

That makes me feel quite sad actually; I didn't click he had BPD until I googled his behaviour after my counsellor suggested he might have it.  Unfortunately that was after the discard. I have apologised at least twice but it's been met with silence so I guess it hurt him far deeper than I thought.  :)oes that mean he must have felt some closeness towards me then?

[fromheeltoheal]

That makes me feel quite sad actually; I didn't click he had BPD until I googled his behaviour after my counsellor suggested he might have it.  Unfortunately that was after the discard. I have apologised at least twice but it's been met with silence so I guess it hurt him far deeper than I thought.  :)oes that mean he must have felt some closeness towards me then?

Yes, it is sad, for everyone involved.  I too didn't learn about personality disorders until after I left her, and it did make the confusion go away, which was one good thing anyway.

":)oes that mean he must have felt some closeness towards me then?"

More than that, borderlines attach to psychically fuse with someone, a reenactment of the bond they had with their primary caregiver and never successfully detached from, the core of the disorder.  And that's a fantasy, but a perfect fantasy initially, you were absolutely everything to him, the person who made him feel whole and complete.  Until you weren't.  Relationships with someone with the disorder follow a progression from idealization to devaluation, which has nothing to do with you BTW, other than you're the current attachment.  So you were as close as possible, fused even, until the emotions got too strong, then you were as far away as possible and the bad guy, because the alternative would be accepting responsibility, at least partially, and that would trigger shame, so he ain't going there, he can't.

Speaking standard borderline here, apply as applicable.

[JRT]

You strayed into the 'TOO close zone'... .this is where abandonment and engulfment fears live... .at that point, just about anything can trigger and you become painted black as justification for what comes next; abuse, rage, cheating them leaving, etc.