The best is ahead of you...(sort of christian-themed)

[Wize]

So, my both of my parents are therapists.  My dad is psychotherapist and my mom is an art therapist.  This morning my dad and I had one of our regular talks.  We were talking about my new dating life and having hope for what lies ahead.  I don't view my dad as my therapist at all.  He's just dad.

This post sort of has a christian theme as I'm a christian but I believe is can be applied to anyone.  Philippians 3:13 says ":)ear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead." 

My dad's emphasis in our "session" today was remembering that the best is yet to come because that's how God(higher power) works.  As people reeling from these BPD relationships, it's easy to get caught up in the mindset that, what we had with our pwBPD is the ultimate of what we can have and feel in a relationship.  The highs are so incredibly high in a BPD relationship that we feel we'll never have that feeling again(maybe that's not a bad thing.)

So I just wanted to remind those, especially the christian folk, that God continues to supply exactly what is best for us.  He doesn't look at our past and say "well, it's not going to get any better."  God takes joy in showing us that He is capable of bringing us continued happiness and joy regardless of what we've experienced.  That's love.

[StayStrongNow]

I saw signs there were problems early on. It's no excuse I didn't realize she was a pwBPD until 12 years later. It wasn't right that she slit her wrist after I left her after telling her I didn't want to see her because of her drinking and how she acted drunk. It wasn't right for her to hit me and throw things at me. All this before I asked her to marry me, that wasn't right to put an engagement ring on her either. The Holy Spirit did not bless my r/s or my marriage.  I got caught up in my ego and other such things as in her pastor calling me "the Night Watchman" and "rescuing" her. I was wrong, it wasn't God guiding me conversely you can plainly see who guided me.

No, my next r/s will be better, no doubt about it. I won't have another unless I know He blesses it. Then it will be the best I ever had.

Thank you for your post and your courage to post it.

[UnforgivenII]

Today I saw a Christian picture on FB. It said:

God destroys your plans when your plans are going to destroy you.

I think it applies to all of us.

Thank you for reminding me God's love.

[chillamom]

Thanks for posting this.  One of the more comforting things friends have told me recently came from an ex-priest who stated that God wants me to step aside so he can do his work with my exBPDbf.  He said I shouldn't interfere with the work of the Lord, and that enabling ex the way I tend to do is quite counterproductive.  That is something I think about a lot as I struggle with the LC/NC decision (which I'm weak enough not to have made yet).

[fromheeltoheal]

As people reeling from these BPD relationships, it's easy to get caught up in the mindset that, what we had with our pwBPD is the ultimate of what we can have and feel in a relationship.  The highs are so incredibly high in a BPD relationship that we feel we'll never have that feeling again(maybe that's not a bad thing.)

What if that was the ultimate relationship for where we were at the time, and now that we've graduated borderline school, there's a relationship in our future with higher highs, and without the lows, but we needed to get an education first, so that our best days are ahead of us?  What if everything happens for a reason and it serves us?

[JerryRG]

My life has never been better, in a way I was brought to this by the relationship with my exgf, she tried to destroy me and I kept rising above. Yes God saved me, through AA and Alanon, I did my part and God did His.

My exgf is exactly where I found her, her new bf is right where I was, he thinks he can save her, he's just enabling her to stay sick. That is the sad part. She just won't allow herself to heal.

We are the blessed ones

Thanks Wize

[Wize]

One of these days I'll learn how to use the multi-quote function.

SSN, I'm always encouraged by your posts. So many similarities in our outlook on life and our honesty about the fact that we know we got into these horrible BPD relationships for all the wrong reasons, our own selfish reasons. We know this and... .

Like what fromhealtoheel to said, we've been through borderline school and I'll be dammed if I'm not going to learn my lesson and carry that knowledge forward to have an even happier, more fulfilling life and relationships.

Borderline school has given me a personal boost towards knowing myself better, liking myself more and expecting and requiring that people treat me well or they won't be in my life. I will qualify that by saying that there are some very tough days ahead for me as I'm currently embroiled in a nasty divorce with my pwBPD. But it's the new and improved Wize dealing with my ex now and I will not allow myself to be abused by her.

UnforgivenII, I like that quote "God destroys your plans when your plans are going to destroy you."  We get so settled on our plans, almost obsessed when it comes to our plans involving someone we're in love with.  So when God snatches the rug out from under us we're like "what the heck," until we realize that He just got us out of a really nasty situation.

chillamom.  Right there with you on wanting to maintain that connection with my pwBPD.  No contact means, for all intents and purposes, severing that connection.  The important thing to keep in mind though is that we simply cannot heal and move on until we cut these destructive, toxic people out of our lives.  Like taking a little sip of poison every day, we maintain contact.  Until we get so sick that we throw the poison in the trash and decide that we want to be healthy and we want a better life.  You can do it.  Go no contact and like the verse in Philippians says "forget the things that are behind... ." Put your ex in your past, put them behind you.

Jerry, I know you're in a pretty good place.  Certainly far better than when you were with that witch. I do get concerned about how much the witch still affects you and I hope she doesn't get in the way of your personal progress towards becoming the man you know you can be.  I know you cherish the fact that you're a father and that's a blessing.  Your faith can carry you through the tough times. 

You've admitted that you're still somewhat emotionally attached to your ex.  And as I've said before I TOTALLY GET IT. I will never judge you for that because these pwBPD get into our souls.  And then we need to purge them.  You're in the purging process and soon the witch will no longer affect you and you will become truly free of her.  Just keep moving forward, brother.  Keep doing what you're doing; being sober, taking all the support you can get and know that you're loved.

[kc sunshine]

This is super helpful to me... .thank you!

God destroys your plans when your plans are going to destroy you.

[Moselle]

What if that was the ultimate relationship for where we were at the time, and now that we've graduated borderline school, there's a relationship in our future with higher highs, and without the lows, but we needed to get an education first, so that our best days are ahead of us?  What if everything happens for a reason and it serves us?

This makes so much sense. Thanks FHTH. I was writing last night in my recovery journal - all the things I am grateful for. And I realised I am grateful for the relationship and grateful (very grateful  ) that it ended. I have learned things and grown in ways that I might never have done, any other way.

This is my journey, I'm proud of it and I feel God's hand in my life. In fact I am closer and more reliant on Him now than ever before. I hand over to Him the things I cannot control (everything going on outside of me) .

And most importantly I see that I entered this relationship because the love from her matched the internal level of love for myself. She treated me in ways I felt I deserved.

What greater lesson is there than to follow that commandment "Love thy neighbour as thy self" An open commandments to love and respect ourselves first before we can offer a neighbour our love.

In the same way when we develop a healthy self image, self compassion, self respect, and self love, we will attract a person who can love us that way too. And we accept that love, feeling worthy of it and reciprocate it.

I've realised by sad observation, the strange behaviour of previous Christian friends towards me, that their journey of self love is still on the way

[Lilyroze]

Dear Wize,

Thank you for your kindness when I needed it. Your parents sound lovely and wise. Keep going and have faith, believe and be blessed.

Enjoy all life has to offer.

Don't play into  FEAR ( False Evidence Appearing Real) reminder to me... .

Fear knocked at the door, Faith answered. ( found on mantle at Hinds Hotel old england) one of my favorite sayings. Had it put over both my mantles in my home and over the door way in my art studio.  

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” (Phil 4:13)

You will always need Faith for whatever path you take in life: A Necessary Ingredient Mark 9:23  “Everything is possible for him who believes.”    Matthew 17:20    

He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ”¹…”Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”    Luke 17:6  If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this tree, Be uprooted and planted in the sea, and it will obey you. In these verses, God adds one more requirement to receiving that which we desire, faith. In Matthew 17:20 we learn that with faith anything is possible.

Receiving Blessings Matthew 21:22 And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.    Luke 11:9    9 “So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.    Matthew 9:29  

God wants you to attain your dreams and goals, in doing so you honor him.

When we worry about things that we cannot control, we carry the greater burden, whether it be in judging another unfairly, or in deciding that someone else has not lived up to one of our own standards.

Be love, be kindness, and have it for yourself as well in life. Try to find the joy in the day, gratitude and be nice we never know what battles another might be facing. Giving grace it will come back to us.

May you all find peace, joy and love. If things work out and God can work through your relationship with the one you had trouble great, be blessed. Only saying this as some from other boards might benefit from your lovely post and all want different results.  If not and you go another path may it be filled with love and happiness as well.

Whatever happens learn from it, figure out how you got here, and be strong of heart and mind.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=beKFjPEU_Fw one of my Dad's favorite songs

Blessings,
  

[purekalm]

Hello Wize,

Forgetting is the hard part, because even though he didn't love me, I truly loved him and he was my first and only relationship. To sound like a teen, "it's just not fair!" But, I believe that things can only get better from here because they've been so horrible for so long. I think most of us make plans without asking God first, but it's not impossible to change that. 

"You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail." Proverbs 19:21

"We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps." Proverbs 16:9

Sincerely,

Purekalm