Ending it at the nonBPD comfort level

[FallBack!Monster]

According  to what I've read in the past, the NPD is never satisfied. The pwBPD, is never sure of anything. The non can control the grand finale and when it ends.  Engulf until you can t feel the pwBPD. S/he and you did a sort of transferring of energy (feels and emotions) . When you feel that person is distant, to the point you can't hardly feel their intensity any longer,  Then you have won. They do move on fast but let go very slow. However, you if you want, can control the speed. My ex has been 1 wording me for about 6 month. Telling me ever catastrophic event one can imagine is happening to her.  I won't here from her at all for weeks  then bam! Hey. Or hope you're day is going well. If I initiated, hey how are you? Good! I could do that every day and wld get same response. Or good! you? But then I flipped it. I initiated alll the time bc I read about it. Says, do it a lot  too much and soon enough she'll lose interest. Do the opposite if you're trying to keep this pwBPD coming back. But know there are consequences to a recycle. 

[FallBack!Monster]

Did you love her when you started to do it? Do you have any feelings left for her? How did you feel when it started showing it was working?

What things you do or say to her along with greetings?
Do you have more than telephone contact?
You think she ever was really in love with you?
What does she mean to you now? Are you feeling hurt or are you satisfied it end?
Do you want her back? Are you moved on and dating? How long before you was open for dating again?

Sorry. A lot of questions. But I just try to find out things for myself. My friend tells me I have to leave him if I want to be happy again. This site have help me a lot. Money is tight for me right now. But it will get better soon. Later I can pay for the lessons are readings I learn here. Am starting to wake up, to him.  I'm getting this new job starting soon. I love my baby but he too selfish and hurtful. Sometimes i feel he's catfishing me in person. I'm so confused right now. Thanks

[FallBack!Monster]

M2M16,. I often follow your postings. Perhaps I would follow your lead had I known before cutting all contact. I have. Changed phone number, email, and soon address. I work from home. I guess soon I'll be able to safely say, and place of employment. Lots of great questions D4better. I will be following up with this post for the answers. You two, take care of yourselves; first and foremost.

[once removed]

hi back2me16,

BPD is a disorder. its a mental illness, not a mind game. the "non" has no control over this, but only control over themselves.

so are you trying to get her back, or trying to detach?

[FallBack!Monster]

hi back2me16,

BPD is a disorder. its a mental illness, not a mind game. the "non" has no control over this, but only control over themselves.

so are you trying to get her back, or trying to detach?

Once removed,
I'm definitely not playing mind games. But since you asked, maybe a little  of both. Detachment is the objective. The best way I can w/o dealing with anymore pain from the interactions. Unconsciously, probably trying to get back at her. Not the objective though.

D4b,
I do still do care. We have no face to face contact anymore. As for everything else, it all depends on the day, the way I'm feeling that day, and what exactly is said between the 2 of us.  I chose to detach for my own good, not to get back at her.

[once removed]

so you hear from her every several weeks where she tells you about catastrophic events, do i have that right? how do you respond to that, and why?

[FallBack!Monster]

hi back2me16,

BPD is a disorder. its a mental illness, not a mind game. the "non" has no control over this, but only control over themselves.

so are you trying to get her back, or trying to detach?

Not to rebuttal or disagree but the post stated "at eh non BPD comfort level" to me that say you can handle it at your own comfort.

I didn't take it like a mind game. Am just so  confused like plenty people do when they eyes is opening up.  

[FallBack!Monster]

so you hear from her every several weeks where she tells you about catastrophic events, do i have that right? how do you respond to that, and why?

I don't respond to it bc I'm not sure how to take it. I try not to focus on her troubles much. She made herself not my business.  Also, it might just be some more lies.  I told her in the past if she ever needed my help she could ask. If I can help I sure will. If she doesn't directly ask for my help, then she doesn't need it. So I don't dwell o  it. Her inability to ask for help is not my problem.
I care and I care a lot. But  I feel I have to be careful not to play myself.  Does that answer your questions?

[once removed]

it does, thanks. smart thinking too.

your methods, however, may be sending mixed signals. if you want a friendship with her, that doesnt seem like a problem.

[FallBack!Monster]

it does, thanks. smart thinking too.

your methods, however, may be sending mixed signals.

Your input as well as others here, has always been appreciated and most beautiful to me. I'm not sure what you meant by on sending mixed signals.  By greeting her or something else?

[once removed]

I'm not sure what you meant by on sending mixed signals.  By greeting her or something else?

it really depends on your goals. if i read correctly, you waver between occasional contact, and deliberate over contact so that she gets bored, and im guessing, leaves you alone?

all of that keeps the door open. and if thats your goal, its fine. the situation right now, if ive read correctly, is soft and occasional contact initiated by both of you. is that something youre comfortable with? if not, how would you like it to change?

and, importantly, if you want to try a relationship again, i encourage you to visit the Saving board and learn the lessons.

[FallBack!Monster]

I'm not sure what you meant by on sending mixed signals.  By greeting her or something else?

it really depends on your goals. if i read correctly, you waver between occasional contact, and deliberate over contact so that she gets bored, and im guessing, leaves you alone?

all of that keeps the door open. and if thats your goal, its fine. the situation right now, if ive read correctly, is soft and occasional contact initiated by both of you. is that something youre comfortable with? if not, how would you like it to change?

and, importantly, if you want to try a relationship again, i encourage you to visit the Saving board and learn the lessons.

To be 100, idk exactly what I'm doing. But there's no master plan as to getting back with her.  Didn't know it meant I was keep the door open. In a way, im letting her ways and reaction controt the outcome of our relationship. She's doing well and as expected. Anyway, how I would like it to change? Not hoping to change anything. Wished I had at the very least could have been friends. However, she more than showed me that's only a delusional dream of mine.  Tried saving it in the past. She did everything to make me appreciate the direction it is going in.  No I'm not comfortable with bringing someone into my life and family that never intended to hang around.  Nothing comfortable about any of it. Besides, if she wanted I friein me she would have in someway showed it. Out of my hands now. Looking out for me.

[FallBack!Monster]

Following up, here. I'm somewhat confused about the new twist in subject matter. The topic speaks of ending it. It seems B2Me16 still has reservations.

Would you say your methods for detachment have been successful?
Or is this denial, in terms of your ex not having much to say to you anymore?

I'm asking because Im dealing with the same but honestly NC is by far one of the biggest challenges I've had to face.

[once removed]

To be 100, idk exactly what I'm doing. 

it would really go a long way to clarify then.

In a way, im letting her ways and reaction controt the outcome of our relationship.

why?

[FallBack!Monster]

To be 100, idk exactly what I'm doing. 

it would really go a long way to clarify then.

In a way, im letting her ways and reaction controt the outcome of our relationship.

why?

These are simple but really tough questions for me. This is the only way I can see to answer it. I tried.  Was keeping my distance which I believe we both needed. At the same time, still trying to keep our toxic/unhealthy r/s somewhat alive but she thinks I was born to work for her and nope.

[FallBack!Monster]

B2M16, what do you mean when you say work for her? Clarify for me. I think you mean work hard to get her back. But I'm not sure. Surely your not suggesting working to support her, are you? 

Also, what are your true feelings? You seem conflicted Although you're not directly saying it? Am I wrong? I could be.

[FallBack!Monster]

B2M16, what do you mean when you say work for her? Clarify for me. I think you mean work hard to get her back. But I'm not sure. Surely your not suggesting working to support her, are you? 

Also, what are your true feelings? You seem conflicted Although you're not directly saying it? Am I wrong? I could be.

Your style of questioning made me question myself, my motives and intentions even further, . Both of you.

By work I meant, just do stuff for her when out of the blue she contacted me. But you made me think, FBM. She stated she wanted someone to support her. Hmmmm!

My true feelings... .After all these questions,, I've decided no more prolonging the inevitable. No more LC. No reason for it anyway. Unless I was in someway thinking I was benefiting her.  Which is sad for me, huh?

I get smarter every day. Thanks guys. I see what you were both trying to make me realize.