Going to be an emotionally hard week

[bus boy]

I like to feel I've come a long way. I knew s9 was going to fly to the big city in a different province with his mother and her BF. They have been together just over a year and her BF has pretty much lived at her house since. It's a hard pill to swollen, thinking that a stranger is going to be the person to see the look on s9's face when he sees the biggest city he ever saw, have all those special moments with someone else. I guess that isn't bugging as much as how my ex wife is going out of her way to make them a family. From the get go all she did was threaten me with change or I'll leave, I'm not afraid to leave you, your not changing fast enough. Her demands on me made me dizzy and crazy. But now, like I posted before, she seems so different. I begged her to come to councelling, she said it would be easier to leave you. I never heard those soul mate promises. In our relationship I was the first to declare my love and how happy I was to meet the woman I love, that I was afraid I would never meet the woman I love and be alone in my life. My T said that is probably why she never love bombed me, she didn't have to. Many times my ex brought up my fear of ending up all alone. Not that I have a fear of being alone I've been alone for a long time but being alone in my older years. I don't know, it seems cruel to me to use someone's fears against them to emotionally abuse them with constant threats of abandonment. What I didn't do to prove my love and worth only to be told I'm never there for her. Did I know to much of her family past? It's a small place, her grandfathers sexual abuse is no secret. Was I a threat to that coming out by pushing for councelling, we did go to a child therapest. I told the therapest this will never get anywhere bc my ex is lying to much, can't fix a lie. I said there is sex abuse in her past that has never been addressed. When the therapest asked us if we ever had a history of sex abuse, my ex clammed up, looked at the floor and could of crawled under her seat. Her BF is from another county, he's French, she hates Frenchman, he's divorced, had a name as a big drinker. Is he someone she can control easy, is she safe with him bc he would not know about the abuse, is he disposable to her bc he's a Frenchman? I assume he knows nothing of the sex abuse bc if she was working on that, she wouldn't be doing the things she's doing. I tried so hard, she always made it very clear I'm the last person in the world she would ever trust or talk to. Maybe she had shared all with her BF. It's hard to know I put so much effort over the past 10 years and was discarded like nothing and someone who didn't put any effort has my family handed to him on a silver platter.

[gotbushels]

Hi bus boy 

Living through the experience of our ex being with a new partner and thinking about it at length is a difficult thing to go through. Yes, it's a hard pill to swallow. It gets even more complex when such a young fellow is involved in this whole drama. It must be indeed disconcerting to him. If I was his father, I would feel even more anxiety and discomfort because of my duties to him.

To have a partner that, from the start, threatens you and keeps trying to subject you to control daily is quite something to suffer. Of course, very few of us really want to live through that in a healthy relationship.

I encourage you to exercise some self-care during difficult times like this instead of lingering too much on reliving the dizzy and crazy feeling she seemed to give to you. Hang in there. You're not alone.