I am glad it feels good getting your story out. That was my experience too when I first came here.
Jess: Thank you
Your mother's behavior definitely seems quite problematic based on what you've just shared and also very confusing for a child. Does your mother still believe/act like she's a 'saint'?
Jess: She seems to have different groups of people, one where she is religious and carries her rosemary beads around, another with a group of ladies where she goes out with her cleavage showing, she seems to have different groups where she is different person and works hard to keep them apart. She let go of the stigmata as the cult leader passed away who she was having an affair with and she lost a tip of her finger from injecting oil, fake blood, I don't know. I think she is annoyed that I see all of this for what it is.
I am sorry you are still dealing with her problematic behavior. She even tried to hit on your partner How did she explain this behavior of her? Did you discuss what happened with her?
Jess: She was drinking Champangne we were all dancing, before I knew it they were slow dancing and she was crying saying to him as she pulled top lower to show her cleavage of her brand new fake breasts that she got paid for by telling everyone she had cancer and had to go in for an operation and popped out with brand new breasts everyone feeling sorry for her and her as happy as larry. Back to the partner, he was drinking to and I just screamed at the both of them what you are you creeps doing! I left him. eventually
It's a very unfortunate aspect of certain disordered parents that they 'split' their children in all-good and all-bad categories. That also seems to be what happened to you and your sister.
Jess: The good news is my sister has finally come clean about her involvement when I was young, I don't blame her she had to survive but it has been very healing to have her openly admit what she was a part of.
You mention that after your sister went NC with her, you became the new 'golden child'. Since then you've had some rather unpleasant experiences with your mother. How would you describe the current relationship you have with your mother? What kind of contact do you now have with her?
Jess: I actually told her I needed space, she then broke up with her latest partner or he left her and she came back looking for me to fill some void. I said no that I needed space and mentioned some things that I can not go over with her, before I knew it she had blocked me and told me and the rest of the extended family that she was not going to be abused my me anymore so she had to go no contact with me.
Since then she has started to text me (removed the blocking apparently) just to me but gives the impression to all else she is the one and then starts to tell me she is lonely and send me songs like the Living Years, it is a thing she does that she will not be around for ever and then we will all feel guilty when she dies. Guilt and Religion big for her, I just talk about the weather and try and love the glimpses of her that seem real but armed with knowledge and finally putting all the pieces together and realising I am worth it and good person and lovable and not the evil person she projected all her shortcomings on has been extremely healing. I am working the steps on co-dependency as how I was treated by her lead me to make poor choices in relationships and I need to bring everything back to the core and reprogram everything I ever believed. It has been really really worth it, tough but so empowering. Thank you for listening and asking me questions. It really does help.
