She wants to be friends

[Lexisdad]

After 9 months I just got the email. I have her blocked for texting and calls.
After a 6 year rollercoaster ride relationship my BPDexgf ended the relationship the day before an ivf procedure to become pregnant in December.

I have an 11 year old daughter from my marriage who suffers from a traumatic brain injury and is a quadrapalegic with severe brain damage. My ex was absolutelly wonderful to her but treated me absolutelly horrific. I barely escaped with my life from the myriad of health issues and was suicidal from depression after the breakup.

I last had contact with her on March 1 st when she flew into a rage when my daughter was undergoing a procedure and told me " go f--k yourself". I never replied and went strict nc.

In November i was 290 pounds with high blood pressure, pre diabetic, low testosterone and adrenal fatigue from the constant stress. I was in a size 44 waist pants.

Today im a different person. I have lost 85 pounds and now in a 34 waist pants. Im in the best physical shape since i went thru the police academy. None of the listed conditions anymore exist. Yes, i still miss her and her son and am not completelly over her.

Today i get the email. She just returned from Anguilla on vacation. Weve both moved on with our lives but she saw a little girl who looks luke my daughter on the beach who is also severelly disabled. She thinks about us often and would like to know how we are doing. She go s on to say how long of a time we spent with each others kids and that we can be friends and i dont have to be so distant unless i dont want to talk to her.

I dont ever want to talk to her or see her again. Theres nothing we need to be freinds abour. Nothing we need to catch up on as she says. Im staying strong and staying NC with her forever. As she told me she hated me so many times i hate her and will never reengage.

[Circle]

Lexisdad,
Yeah, you've taken control of your life; needless to say. So glad to read your post and find it ending with a stance of strength. The fact that you have so much on your plate, makes her seem like a really bad idea. Awesome to read what you have accomplished. It never ceases to baffle, how they can be so harsh, when we are at our most vulnerable. Such as, when your daughter was undergoing a procedure in March. I'm sure psychological logic would disagree with me, yet it really does seem like unfounded ruthless sadism, when they do such things. Keep on keeping on! You are an inspiration!

[JerryRG]

Hello Lexisdad

My exgf wants to still be friends, I explained to her she possess not one single trait I would consider friend material, that is unless one would befriend a pathological liar, controlling, manipulative, self centered, sarcastic, cruel, negitive, disrespectful, hate filled, immature, ungrateful, brat who just loves hurting people.

I'm thinking with a friend like her who needs enemies?

[StayStrongNow]

Lexisdad great success story on your life. Congratulations. I am sorry about your daughter. My daughter died at 25 months so the stbxBPPw went PTSD on top of the already existing since age 3 BPD.

I am still working on a final divorce decree and my life has been a nightmare to say the least. All I do know all this stuff will never repeat.

If she ever were to ask to be friends I would say: "sure, the best friend you could be to me is stay out of my life."

The only exception would be an act of Divine Intevention and if this miracle happened I would definately be different.

[pjstock42]

Hello Lexisdad

My exgf wants to still be friends, I explained to her she possess not one single trait I would consider friend material, that is unless one would befriend a pathological liar, controlling, manipulative, self centered, sarcastic, cruel, negitive, disrespectful, hate filled, immature, ungrateful, brat who just loves hurting people.

I'm thinking with a friend like her who needs enemies?

This is exactly what I did, Jerry. It was so strange to me how she could so callously discard me, then paint me to black via an email and say so many terrible things about me but then immediately suggest that we stay friends. If she really thought all of these things about me, why would she want to be friends? And for me, why would I want any association with a person who has such a low opinion of me? It's all very confusing but in the end, I saw absolutely no benefit in being "friends" with her in any capacity and I made that known.

[JerryRG]

I have heard pwBPD hate losing attachments and like you my ex will do and say anything for my attention and she told people I raped her during the early days of our relationship and 2 months later demanded we be engaged, why would someone want to be friends with a guy who raped them and or engage them to marry?

Don't add up but nothing does with my ex.

She told me a few days ago she cared about me and my health, either she still loves me skin her little twisted mind or her bf is a fizzle or she just can't stand my not allowing her to control me any longer, then again I'm assuming I know what she's thinking and I've never had much success in that endeavour in the past so maybe I better give up pseudo, phycho, psychic readings while I'm ahead

Sorry trying to type while my son climbs on me isn't very convenient

[Lexisdad]

Thanks for the words of encouragement everyone. After looking back at the lies, manipulation, threats and rages and im almost sure cheating theres nothing to be freinds about. This woman treated me sh-ty starting in 2010 when she told me she was bipolar. All the red flags were there and i ignored them.

I liken being with her as the time i spent as a narcotics detective. We'd arrest a heroin addict and they would tell you they know it's killing them doing it but they gotta have it. They gotta have that fix. With my BPD ex she was stunningly the most beautiful sexy woman ive been with. She kept drawing me in with porn star sex as thats what they do.

6 years after the start of the relationship i was reduced to the same as a heroin addict. I knew she was killing me and couldnt quit her. Now after being in what i call" rehab" for the past 8 months i can not reengage with her at all. It would be like taking a "hit" again.

Im not fully healed and may never be. But im ok now. Its a long road and beleive me ive been thru some rough times thru my life and career. This was no match.

I recently dated a woman and saw red flags right away. The first was she had a tendency to raise her voice. I was not subjecting myself to rages again and ended that quickly. Ive survived this barely but i'm stronger and much wiser now.