Strong signalling behavior and persistent stalkign

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi,

I broke up with a BPD/NPD woman a year ago. Shortly thereafter she began driving by my house and then coming into my house while I was away mostly but sometimes while I was sleeping. She leaves stuff of emotional significance, leaves lights on, moves things etc. the more k ignore her the more desperate the behavior is becoming: more frequent and more obvious. At first I thought I was crazy. Then she started becoming so obvious that o knew it had to be her so I changed the code to tbe electronic lock. It stopped for about five weeks then started up again on Valentine's Day. It has gotten much worse. Now she's leaving bikini bottoms, her hair and actually has turned of my breakers to the electrical system and disabled my AC in tbe master bedroom. She's has an on again off again boyfriend the whole time she had been doing this. He is obviously of little importance to her. This last weekend I found broken glass in my house that was displayed that didn't come from my house and a strand of her hair also displayed in a frequent areas she leaves these reminders. The next day was her birthday. But later that night her current BF shot himself in the head and is dead. She has previously threatened to kill me as well. I don't know what to do. The police didn't believe me when I went to them in the beginning.

[Md993]

Hi,

I broke up with a BPD/NPD woman a year ago. Shortly thereafter she began driving by my house and then coming into my house while I was away mostly but sometimes while I was sleeping. She leaves stuff of emotional significance, leaves lights on, moves things etc. the more k ignore her the more desperate the behavior is becoming: more frequent and more obvious. At first I thought I was crazy. Then she started becoming so obvious that o knew it had to be her so I changed the code to tbe electronic lock. It stopped for about five weeks then started up again on Valentine's Day. It has gotten much worse. Now she's leaving bikini bottoms, her hair and actually has turned of my breakers to the electrical system and disabled my AC in tbe master bedroom. She's has an on again off again boyfriend the whole time she had been doing this. He is obviously of little importance to her. This last weekend I found broken glass in my house that was displayed that didn't come from my house and a strand of her hair also displayed in a frequent areas she leaves these reminders. The next day was her birthday. But later that night her current BF shot himself in the head and is dead. She has previously threatened to kill me as well. I don't know what to do. The police didn't believe me when I went to them in the beginning.

[fromheeltoheal]

An intruder, a firearm, a suicide and threats are serious business Md.  You have physical evidence, they may be able to get her fingerprints off something, and it's time to call the cops again, have them come out, no screwing around yes?  And you can install security cameras for more evidence.  So when are you going to call them? 

[Md993]

I'm really scared to have to deal with the doubt of the cops! And I'm ambivalent about reporting her. But the suicide has me scared. Maybe it wasn't suicide since she was there. She's acting like a victim and all the while has been coming into my house and putting him through the same chaotic stuff as she did me. He wasn't that important to her or she wouldn't be coming on my house. And ahe made sure I knew about his death.

[Indifferent28]

Wow... .
That is just scary.

Some of these BPD exes are clearly more dangerous and some are just more emotional.

This girl sounds insane.
I would take the other posters advice... .
Or if you're willing to risk your safety for a bit longer, set up cameras to record her coming in.
Take the video to the police so you will have the evidence.

[fromheeltoheal]

I'm really scared to have to deal with the doubt of the cops!

Well now, there's an area of potential growth for you, and this experience can give you the motivation to do that.  And if you've got evidence, you've got evidence.  And think about it this way: if you're a taxpayer the cops are a service you're paying for, and here's a time where it's necessary yes?  So when would now be a good time to call them?

And I'm ambivalent about reporting her. But the suicide has me scared. Maybe it wasn't suicide since she was there.

So you're implying it was murder and you're letting a potential murderer in your house without doing anything about it?  Come on man, time to take control yes?

[Md993]

Is this scary though?  I'm kind of numb to it.

[Md993]

I'm not saying it's a murder.  It her behavior is extreme. She previously threatened to kill me and actually tried to run me
Over once. And now there is a dead guy. I went to the police when it first started and there solution was to call her and talk to her about it. What the heck?

[fromheeltoheal]

Yes, borderlines can be extreme, a trait of the disorder.  And if you went to the cops now, they'd have that previous report on file, and surely they know about the death, so things are escalating.  Time to do something?

[Md993]

Is anyone familiar with these signaling behaviors?

[lovenature]

If you changed the code on the lock how did she get in? I had to install a new lock because my key went "missing" shortly after my ex. came in without me inviting her.

I had the police come out twice to talk to my ex., did no good at all-just gave her more attention (probably happened before to her in the past).
I chose to maintain NC as best as possible in my situation; yours sounds potentially very dangerous, best to look at ALL of her ACTIONS, NOT WORDS, and do what is best for your safety.

[heartandwhole]

Is this scary though?  I'm kind of numb to it.

Hi Md,

I understand your feeling numb about it. From outside, though, this is very disturbing behavior. It is most definitely crossing a line, both personally and legally. And it's absolutely not okay for it to continue.

I agree with my fellow members: go to the cops, get evidence, take action. She has no right to violate your privacy, and yes, safety (broken glass?) like that.

Let us know what the police say, Md. If they balk, ask them what kind of evidence is needed to put legal pressure on your ex.

We're here for you.

heartandwhole

[enlighten me]

Get a nanny cam or some other video recording equipment. If you can proves she breaks in then the police will take things more seriously... Call the cops the next time she breaks in and show them the video play back.