Two Weeks Later

[Leonis]

Well, I haven't heard from my ex for over two weeks now. To be honest, I am really surprised.

For those of you who have been following the story, we left off with an angry text exchange where she told me about how she was feeling ill due to the "pregnancy" and how she hates how I put her in that situation, etc.

Only the week prior to that exchange, she was amicable and wanted to work out the best option for the child. In fact, she even tried to be intimate, etc.

From my point of view, I have no way to confirm or deny her claims. I can only wait... .and the suspense is killing me. I want to find out if she's for real or not. It would really affect how I plan my future.

[Turkish]

If she's telling the truth,  will you submit DNA for a test?  Do you know if you have to?  I can imagine that this must feel like an atom bomb dropped into your life, the waiting being worse. 

[Leonis]

There's no way of knowing because she is not communicating.

It'd appear the only option I have is to wait another month or two to see if she's showing. But then, it'll be near October and it's probably chill enough to wear sweaters. Her being petite as she is, I probably won't be able to tell from a glimpse anyways.

[Turkish]

What are your thoughts on getting ahead of this,  being proactive?  Have you researched legal issues? 

[Larmoyant]

Hi Leonis, I haven't read all your story yet, but I gather from this that you're not sure whether or not she's telling the truth about being pregnant? If you have doubts and she won't talk I imagine you must be feeling helpless and stuck.

Her behaviour is highly manipulative and my heart goes out to you. One way to keep someone on a piece of string I suppose, but it can't last forever. There doesn't seem to be much you can do until she starts showing, or not as the case may be so, in the meantime I second Turkish. Gain some power become proactive and learn where you'd stand from a legal perspective. So sorry you're having to go through this.

[Leonis]

Thanks for the feedback guys!

What sort of legal issues should I be looking into? As far as I have discussed it with her, adoption may be the best option. However, she has swung from co-parent to adoption to even abortion. I am unsure what I should be preparing given the state of unknown.

[Leonis]

Ugh... .I knew this cliff hanger was going to get in the way of my future plans.

Long story short, someone may be interested, but it's too soon.

[heartandwhole]

Ugh... .I knew this cliff hanger was going to get in the way of my future plans.

Long story short, someone may be interested, but it's too soon.

Hi Leonis,

I agree with Turkish; you may want to be a little proactive and check out what you need to know if she is pregnant and wants to keep the child (changeability).

What's happening now? Do you mean a potential romance is in the works?

[Leonis]

What's happening now? Do you mean a potential romance is in the works?

A young woman who works in another department at work added me on social media. I've thought she was cute for some time since the split between me and my ex. We've had good conversations.

Anyhow, my ex texted me two nights ago with "still kicking?". I didn't see it until the morning after and replied "yes?". To which, she only responded back with "K. Good." I didn't respond afterwards.

I'm not sure what she is getting at, but I've decided to say nothing until she comes clean with what's going on with the "pregnancy". I feel she's being vindictive and seeks power and control over me by spiting me in this situation. I guess I just have to wait and find out what's really happening.

[Turkish]

It's good that you didn't engage,  giving a BIFF response.  It sounds like she didn't engage the "?" Though.  

Are you acting like the ball is in her court?  It may be,  mostly,  but not completely.  Have you consulted with anyone or done research in case the pregnancy is real?  

[Leonis]

Tonight, my ex asked me if it was okay for her to have full custody of the child.

I told her that I need time to think about it and I will need to be at her subsequent appointments. At first, she said she already went to one and haven't scheduled the next one. Then, she asked if I could go to the one after because of the health of the baby, etc. I told her that it's a reasonable request if we wanted to discuss custody.

Hmm... .I need to prepare.

[heartandwhole]

Hmm... .I need to prepare.

I agree, Leonis. Especially since BPD does come with generous helping of changeability.

Let us know what you find out.

[Leonis]

Especially since BPD does come with generous helping of changeability.

Let us know what you find out.

I still wouldn't rule out the chance of a charade as she initially wants me to attend the meeting after, which she claimed is because that the baby's health may not be well due to lack of folate, etc. This makes no sense. She wants me to attend her third appointment instead of the next one. Maybe she was told the baby is not in good health after her first visit?

Another reasons why I think it could be fake is because she told me to not tell anyone. Obviously, I will tell my close friends, family, and seek online sources for counsel. So, either this is just another game of hers or she's hoping she could hit me unprepared legally. I wouldn't be surprised if she later "loses" the baby.

If the pregnancy were to be true, then the best case scenario for me would be giving the child up for adoption. I do have childless friends who are more than capable of raising children. The worst case scenario would be giving her all custody while the next best thing will be some sort of joint custody arrangement. Of course, I would have to order paternity test for legal reasons as well.

I really hope I don't have to go to the court for this. My only supportive point is calling her out for a psych evaluation. I wonder how far she is willing to push it?

[Fr4nz]

So sorry you have to go through all this unnecessary pain Leonis... .a big hug.

[Leonis]

Well... .looks like I am attending her ObGyn appointment this coming Wednesday.

I guess I really screwed up my life.

[Turkish]

It sounds like you want to do the right thing here.  What in your mind,  however, is the right thing to do.  I can think of a lot of scenarios,  and how I might choose (I was fearful I was in this situation at the only break up/recycle I did with my ex... .even if it ended years later similarly).

What aligns with your core values?  You've already kind of indicated it: what's best for the baby. This is, if true,  a significant,  life changing event.  You still have choices, however.  Do you want to start talking it out,  or wait for the appointment? 

[Leonis]

Do you want to start talking it out,  or wait for the appointment?  

I will talk once I can see for myself that she is actually pregnant.

She told me that I should wear my wedding band, etc. when I attend the appointment because she didn't want to be coerced into a STD panel and stuff. She's also afraid of getting Group B Strep. in her normal flora, which is silly because she's not near the end of her pregnancy... .she should know that being in the same field as I am.

I just told her that I doubt they wouldn't do the panel whether they see the ring or not.