Take heart

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hey, I just want to tell you that when I left Her it felt like the end of the world to me. No drug has ever given me a worse withdrawal. There were times that I thought I wouldn't make it. There were times when the pain seemed unbearable. It was absolute pain that had no physical tangibility. I could be ok one moment, then completely hopeless and distraught the next. I couldn't imagine ever having feelings for someone again. My friend, I know you can fathom the pain I'm talking about. It got worse the longer I was apart from her. What a terrible place. It got to a point where I wondered whether it would ever get better. I cried off and on through out everyday. When I was alone it seemed even worse and I would scream until I nearly lost my voice. For a codependent to love a borderline may very well be the most addictive thing on our planet. I am a recovered alcoholic and drug addict... .This was worse than anything I experienced. It lasted about 6 months for me. It's been over 9 months and the scar is still tender. Occasional phantom pains still strike from time to time. Maybe it will be less for you, or maybe more. There is a way out. Just know that and take heart. Today, after much time and work I have happiness again. There's tons of hope here.

[Welgrow]

Hey, I just want to tell you that when I left Her it felt like the end of the world to me. No drug has ever given me a worse withdrawal. There were times that I thought I wouldn't make it. There were times when the pain seemed unbearable. It was absolute pain that had no physical tangibility. I could be ok one moment, then completely hopeless and distraught the next. I couldn't imagine ever having feelings for someone again. My friend, I know you can fathom the pain I'm talking about. It got worse the longer I was apart from her. What a terrible place. It got to a point where I wondered whether it would ever get better. I cried off and on through out everyday. When I was alone it seemed even worse and I would scream until I nearly lost my voice. For a codependent to love a borderline may very well be the most addictive thing on our planet. I am a recovered alcoholic and drug addict... .This was worse than anything I experienced. It lasted about 6 months for me. It's been over 9 months and the scar is still tender. Occasional phantom pains still strike from time to time. Maybe it will be less for you, or maybe more. There is a way out. Just know that and take heart. Today, after much time and work I have happiness again. There's tons of hope here.

[woundedPhoenix]

So, let's continue the analogy... .

We are basically in anguish and despair cause our drugdealer stopped supplying us,
saying it is all our fault and charming in to further dance on the grave of the r/s,
then pushing ourselves slowly towards the realisation that the highs where extremely good,
but as any drug just an escape from reality?

[heartandwhole]

Welgrow,

Thank you so much for sharing this. We all need to hear about successful detaching.  I'm glad that you are feeling better. It sounds like you have been through the proverbial wringer and have come out stronger than before. Well done 

What has helped you the most to recover from the loss?

heartandwhole

[pjstock42]

Thanks for sharing your experience, stuff like this really gives hope to people like me who feel like this is never going to get any better.

[Welgrow]

Hey guys,

Thanks for chiming in... .I realized that I needed a lot of help, and such a huge part of this process occurred right here on this forum.

Knowing that I am not alone is such a huge relief.

Also, having some of the long term members show me kindness and offer me very gentle advice showed me that part of my recovery from a codependent/borderline relationship was going to require that I give back and try to help others.

I can say that my journey was multifaceted and it required that I do a fair amount of work on myself outside of this forum which included:
-spirituality
-therapy
-working a 12 step program
-lots of writing geared towards detachment
-and a lot of reading

Some of the books I find helpful to me are:
-The Human Magnet Syndrome - Rossenburg
-No More Mr Nice Guy - Glover
-E Squared - Grout
-I Need Your Love, Is That True - Katie
-and anything by Brene Brown

All these things have directed me towards loving myself and thereby becoming more whole and less susceptible to borderline relationships. There's still plenty of growth in my future.

[chillamom]

Needed to hear this, Welgrow. Thank you for sharing.