I long for the day I don't allow her evil words affect me

[JerryRG]

Hello everyone

After reading the nasty emails from my son's mother yesterday I spiraled into darkness and depression. Couldn't sleep at all, felt like a zombie at work, at the AA meeting I slept through the majority of it.

Went home to sleep and felt like I was dying, told my pastor and he suggested I listen to psalms and after 15 minutes I was back to feeling better. So yes, spiritual attacks are real.

My ex did and said everything to destroy my confidence in my parenting skills, my self esteem and my value as a human being.

This is the same technique she's always used and nothing new, it's her true nature, to destroy and to create chaos. Both of which are evil in nature.

She has our son tonight and I'm thinking how confused he must be.

I spoke to her pastor again today and he said her and her bf are both "goofy" in the head.

After she emailed me a few dozen times today I insisted she stop, she did not. I went to our court house and picked up a ro form. Then reported her harassing emails to the police.

She's never going to change

She has a cycle, she pretends to be nice and concerned and well just to draw me back into the ring, only to reveal her true nature and proceed to tear me to shreads.

The one thing I long for the most is the continued awareness of her true nature and the depths of her mental illness and how no matter what she says, it is her intention  that must be ignored and her behaviours be what she's judged on.

As of now, she has but one single purpose, to destroy me by bringing me down to her level. That is not where I ever intend to be again, God help my son and me.

I don't understand her, my sponsor and everyone else tell me I never will. I must accept this fact, or stay on the merry go round for another spin.

I need encouragement and support, I slept with her knowing she is deranged and now my innocent son will pay the price of her insanity for as long as he has to be part of her life, with my coming attorney's help, I will make his and my suffering as short as possible.

[fromheeltoheal]

I don't understand her, my sponsor and everyone else tell me I never will. I must accept this fact, or stay on the merry go round for another spin.

Or you could learn about the disorder Jerry; there's a lot of information available.  For me, once I learned the clinical side of the disorder, the confusion went away immediately, her behaviors were still totally unacceptable, but at least I wasn't confused as to why she does what she does, which helped a great deal.  Recommended.

[Lilyroze]

  Jerry,

  perhaps you are reverting back to your childhood role within the FOO, where you are trying to set boundaries and things are running amok and you are hurting.

Many times people will send things like email in emotion or tying to make things better try or understand. Seems though with her it not usually that. That is not love, good co parenting or caring even in all you do for your son, or your chemo treatments.

So Jerry like FHTH said you can learn about disorder.

One thing I would like to run by you for you to run by your counselor, your thought process, pastor and even sponsor. Whether then set the boundary of" I want to know nothing of your health". If she has MSRA , you should know for your son and you.  MRSA is very contagious under certain circumstances (when skin alterations or damage are present); spread occurs through person-to-person contact with a skin infection or even indirect contact, such as contact with a MRSA-infected person's clothing or towels or even like appliances his diaper bag. You are not well yourself.

So just take the information, use what you can and throw out the rest. Document the abusive ones, and so when you go to court for full custody which I feel will probably have to happen for your son and you best welfare, no one can say you wouldn't listen to reason.

Yes have your boundaries, get a RO if needed, learn about the disorder so you can keep saying the mantra I can't cure it, control it nor did I cause it. It will not affect me, I go forward in joy in this day, moment whatever.

I am sorry she did that, I know it must have hurt you, and find peace now for you. Realize she won't stop until stopped by court or her conscience ( which with disorder and they usually can never be wrong, look within or apologize)  or something else like you not letting it bother you.

Have a good day now, and this week and be in joy for your son and you. Find the beauty in the day. Go forward and realize yes you share a son, and have to co parent but laugh and realize you don't have to live with her, sleep with her, share a daily meal. So be blessed and take care of you. She has issues and will need to face and get help you can't prove it to her or get her to, as she doesn't want to listen to you.

 

[bus boy]

Hi JRB.  I feel where you are. Especially about the destroying your confidence. When you stated you don't understand her, I use to say the same thing all the time, my sister told me one day, thank god you can't understand her. Thank god our brains can't go where there's can. I don't respond to anything my ex sends me. Tomorrow isn't touched yet, it will definitely a better day.

[JerryRG]

Thank you everyone

I've been warned to not read her text or email, but I have to if I want to cooperate with her on our son.

She sent her last email and I read the first few words, she asked what I want... .

What I want to tell her but I cannot because she's not going to listen anyway... .

LEAVE ME ALONE!

Get help!

Stop abusing me!

Do what you've been told to do 1,000 times

Accept the fact we are DONE!

I'm not your friend

I don't like you

You are too toxic and sick for me to be around

Grow up

Stop blaming me for your misery

Be your best for our son

I don't care about your problems

The past is the past

I'm not your future

I'm doing my best

I truly wish I never have to see you or talk to you again

I'm happy, allow our son and me to live in peace

Thank you everyone for your kind words, I lost one of my best friends last week, talked to her everyday, she's my sponsors gf, I miss her. She helped me so much.

[Turkish]

Jerry,

Negative engagement validates negative behaviors thereby encouraging them.  She's getting a rise out of you.  Can you see by not ignoring or BIFFing that you may be contributing to feeding her,  as it were?  

From your posts,  it sounds like you are being the dutiful father to your son.  He loves being with you.  It sounds like you may be buying into her Punitive Parent voice, which may not be ultimately about her,  but you.  

Co-parenting (or parallel) can also use the detaching tools.  :)ispassionate.  Non-reactive.  BIFF. Spock.  

What is the root of what triggers you about her accusations?  Go deeper,  what exactly do you feel,  and from where does this feeling arise? 

[bus boy]

JRG, you should know by now there is no cooperating with BPD/NPD's. I have a court order in place and I follow it to a Tee. I want no part of her toxic poison. I accept what I have and let go of the rest. I will let the court sort it out. Dealing with them is like everyday you get into the ring expecting different results but every day the boxer beats you. Mine is more NPD so I'm discarded forever and ignorance is bread right into her. What's in the ram is in the lamb.