Questions for anyone out there

[need a break]

First I should apologize for all my rants and sadness to all of you out there who are managing to live a somewhat normal, happy life. I know you exist
because a lot of you seem to be managing and have either moved on, accepted or stopped obsessing. I try but it I miss my girl so much.
She never had a real date, home coming, graduation, nothing was or is ordinary for her and of course for us as a family.  So I often wonder how does it feel for a parent of a
"regular" adult child or child ? I am often envious of this feeling or thought and do not surround myself with people who have normal adult kids who go to college, have jobs, babies of their own and although I do not know if they are happy - are highly functioning. That being said I am very lonely.
Yes I go to therapy
Yes I am on anti-depressents ( if anyone knows of a magic pill to stop this sadness please let me know).

I wake up everyday and wonder, will she survive the day? will I ? When the phone rings or the door bell rings I panic.

This seems inappropriate  as I have been dealing with this for jeez 16-17 years

Does anyone else have these feelings of despair even after all this time?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[galaxy]

Hi 'Need a break',
You don't need to apologize because all of us are - or have been - in your place and we understand. Our stories are different but the reasons we are on this site is the same.

One of the surprises I had when I joined this site was that there are so many people dealing with someone in their lives who suffers from BPD. And, I have found that it brings some comfort to have a place to go where others understand and can share what they have done, ask questions, etc.

You asked if anyone still feels despair after many years.  My answer is yes.  My son is 44 and began these problems 29 years ago. What I have found is that nothing takes the pain away but since he cut off all communication a year ago, I'm getting better at taking charge of more and more hours of my days and nights by purposefully keeping busy doing things I enjoy.  I still have bad days when I miss him and grieve for him.  And, I'm lucky to have two daughters who are very loving and supportive.

It's good you are getting help.  Keep sharing on this site and take comfort that you aren't alone.  Many people understand.

Galaxy

[need a break]

Thank you for listening and understanding. The fact that you are on this site after 29 years tells me a a few things:
1) This is an endless process
2) I always thought if she wasn't my only one it would be easier - I am glad you have 2 loving supportive daughters but have to admit am envious.
3) I have immersed myself in this with either education, trying to make her better, crisis intervention - this has become my purpose, my obsession. I do not have a clue what I enjoy or keeping busy other then to seek new treatment.

I guess that's somewhere to begin. Feels like a huge momentous thing to do. Find something I like to do other than deal with BPD

Thanks again

[galaxy]

Hi,
It was good to hear from you again. 

You are right when you said I am lucky to have my daughters.  They have been very supportive.  Dealing with BPD is an endless process - for him because he won't seek help - and for us because we love him and have suffered through his behavior for so long. I have given up thinking or hoping he will change and things will get better.  I concentrate on the fact that he is doing well in his job and seems to be doing well with his wife and daughter as well. 

I do think it is very important for you to have some positive things and people in your life.  My friends are not aware of the problems we have so we talk about other things and do things together that we enjoy.  Also, in retirement I find that spending time doing volunteer work keeps my mind occupied with problems others have. 

I understand your daughter is still very young and that makes a big difference.  However, you won't be able to help her if you lose your health because of this.  I still have bad days but there are better times to enjoy too.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and hope things get better.  Remember, now you aren't alone.

Galaxy

[Mutt]

Hi need a break,

I'm sorry that you're going through this and I understand how difficult it can be to cope with depression

I do think it is very important for you to have some positive things and people in your life.  My friends are not aware of the problems we have so we talk about other things and do things together that we enjoy.

I agree with everything galaxy and said and I want to add that it really helps to know that you're not going through this alone. I think that it helps to talk to people that understand. People in real life for me, my family and friends don't understand the complexity of BPD, they're helpful, the advice I get is good and they mean well but I think that you have to go through the experience to understand what it's like. I'm divorced, unless you've gone through divorce it's difficult to empathize with. Don't apologize if you're venting, it helps to vent and you can get non-judgmental and constructive feedback that helps you and you're family.

She may not have a have a real date, home coming or graduation but that doesn't mean that she's less valuable than other adult kids? Nobody's perfect and everyone has their own issues. I feel sadness and grief sometimes about my ex wife, I find that going to the gym and lifting weights helps or talking to people that get BPD helps with re-centering me. What do you like to do for self-care?