BPD ex is now with my best friend WTH

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Just found out my BPD exgf is with my best friend,me and my ex spilt up 3 months ago due to her trying to get me done for domestic violence even though she's the one that abused me
My best friend knows exactly all the horrible things she has put me and my family threw and all the vile things she said including how she would laugh when my terminally ill mother died,how I wanted to have sex with my own mother,just really sick things that no one would ever say
She hated me having any friends and actually said that she would spilt me and my friend up so I would have nobody
I can't believe that after everything she has said and done to me and my family he could do this?
Has this ever happened to anyone else?

[Bigying]

Just found out my BPD exgf is with my best friend,me and my ex spilt up 3 months ago due to her trying to get me done for domestic violence even though she's the one that abused me
My best friend knows exactly all the horrible things she has put me and my family threw and all the vile things she said including how she would laugh when my terminally ill mother died,how I wanted to have sex with my own mother,just really sick things that no one would ever say
She hated me having any friends and actually said that she would spilt me and my friend up so I would have nobody
I can't believe that after everything she has said and done to me and my family he could do this?
Has this ever happened to anyone else?

[fromheeltoheal]

Hi Bigying-



I'm sorry you're going through that, it is very painful and confusing, and yes, there are many people here who have been through similar things.  It will help you and us if you tell us more of your story and what's going on with you emotionally, so we can share with you, you can share with us, and we can direct you to a lot of great information.  You're not alone here, and we understand.

[Stripey77]

Whhhaaaaat?

Listen, BPD to one side, this is just a massive boundary crosser in terms of a friendship for me. My good friend and I have been discussing this just this week. There are about 3.5 billion members of the opposite sex to choose from in the world (or same if that's your thing.) There is absolutely no need, in my book and that of my friends, to go after someone who was a SO to one of your good friends. Just no. Leave it alone. 

The only extenuating circumstance in which this could be any different would be if you really REALLY thought you had met 'The One'. As in, the one you will spending the rest of your life with.


Maybe that's what your friend thinks he's found now. Sorry, did I say friend? I meant ex-friend. I sincerely hope that's what he is anyway, because that person would be out of my life in a flash.

Don't even try to work out or rationalise her behaviour, therein truly is where madness lies for all of us poor nons.

[Bigying]

I met my ex a year ago and it the usual lovebombing me feeling reli happy etc,we moved in togeather after 3 month (I know ) and that's when she changed,she tried to stop me seeing friends and family was always accusing me of imaginary things,would gaslight and use passive aggression and would somtimes get physical if she couldn't get a reaction,she would say the most horrible things then when I had ago back she would secretly record me on her phone.everytime she got a bruise from trying to fight with me she would photograph it,when I tried to leave her she went to the police and I was arrested.
I was put on bail for 3 months and in that time she would use the threat of prosecution to blackmail me,and made my life a living hell,my best friend saw everything she said and put me threw,I eventually pleaded guilty as the fact she had recordings and photos ment i would of got convicted either way and I just wanted it all to be over
So the day I leave court one of her friends messages me and tells me that they are togeather,I thought it was another hate tactic as the smear campaign is in full swing.but I now know they are a couple
My question is how can he do this knowing full well how evil and Iill she is?

[iluminati]

Some advice situations are complicated on this forum.  This isn't.  Lose their contact information, block them on social media (if applicable) and move the entire heck on with your life.  In a sick way, they both did you a favor. 

[Bigying]

I just can't believe he would  do this.he practicly stayed at my house the whole time I was on bail,and saw how she destroyed my life with her lies.and the whole time he was seeing her behind my back

I'm very hurt and confused  by all this and finding it impossible to process

I'm worried that there relationship will work out and her BPD won't be an issue,Is this normal to feel like this?I tried so hard with ex,I did everything for her and I feel like there laughing at me behind my back

[Fr4nz]

Don't worry, BPD is made up by a set of rigid thoughts/behaviours that repeat across different relationships.

Now, the duration of their relationship may depend on the individuality of your "friend", but be assured that the final outcomes will be always the same: a hellish life (if they choose to stay together, regardless of fights) or a final breakup.

[Bigying]

They just seem really happy and even though I know how ill she is I'm starting to think I didn't try hard enough in the relationship.

She also messaged me saying how it was my fault because I hated her and didn't want her back although we could try again  knowing full well I can't have any contact as there is a restraining order in place

It's as if she wants me to go to prison.like she won't be happy till she pushed me to break it

She has completely destroyed my life and I can't understand why she wants me to suffer like this?

[Fr4nz]

Big, don't worry, this is exactly what I experienced (like many others) just after I was left: I was almost immediately replaced, blamed as defective, blamed as the one in charge of the failure of the r/s, blamed that I was not giving her attentions anymore, etc.

90% of that was utter, complete BS.

Anyway, 13 months passes, and the relationship with my replacement ends quite badly. LOL.

As I said, BPD is an attachment disorder, hence sufferers repeat the very same.dysfunctional behaviours across different relationship.

Now it may appear it is all your fault, and that she's very happy with her new shining knight... .but, give it enough time, she will blow up everything again.

Also, since past is a strong predictor of the future, you may want to look at her past history (probably, she has a history of failed relationships) to understand that this is just the pattern she exhibits when it comes to relationships.

[Bigying]

Thankyou for your reply I appreciate it

Thing is why is she trying to contact me still?if she is happy with him
Why do BPDs feel the need to hurt ex partners so badly?
 She's seems so much happier with him and I feel like such a failure
He has also messaged me saying he can't handle hurting me and how he's fd up so badly  yet on social media they seem very happy
It's almost as by being with her he's publicly endorsing what she put me through.how can he be with her knowing full well the extent of her illness and how it completely destroyed my life?he knows all about lovebombing etc does he think it won't happen  to him?maybe it won't I guess

[Fr4nz]

Thankyou for your reply I appreciate it

Thing is why is she trying to contact me still?if she is happy with him
Why do BPDs feel the need to hurt ex partners so badly?
 She's seems so much happier with him and I feel like such a failure
He has also messaged me saying he can't handle hurting me and how he's fd up so badly  yet on social media they seem very happy
It's almost as by being with her he's publicly endorsing what she put me through.how can he be with her knowing full well the extent of her illness and how it completely destroyed my life?he knows all about lovebombing etc does he think it won't happen  to him?maybe it won't I guess

About your friend, I really don't know what is going on in his mind... .maybe she manipulated him, who knows.
About yur ex still contacting you: it's possible she's still keeping your attachment because, you know, who knows if this new relationship will go well; so, in case, she has a backup plan (you).

As far as I can see, you should establish NC both with your "friend" (notice the quote... .) and your ex.

[UnforgivenII]

This is very sick! I am horrified. Please go no contact with both of them, find a good therapist and start fighting to clear your name. Build a wall and keep those two bad people out of your life for ever. It will be difficult. But you can do it.