Shame and no contact by BPD

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

About the topic we were discussing yesterday. Why some of us are contacted after the discard and some are not. I found this video on YouTube.
I seem unable to copy the link anyway it is by Randy Andretti and it is called Understanding why the Narcissist initiates and maintain no contact with a target.
I know, we are not talking about Narcissists here, but I think that my ex had a comorbidity and maybe I am not the only one.
Randy Andretti says , among other things, that it is shame who keeps them far from us. That shame could cause an emotional breakdown if they meet us.

Someone else Can relate? What do you think. Is the shame a permanent state?

[UnforgivenII]

About the topic we were discussing yesterday. Why some of us are contacted after the discard and some are not. I found this video on YouTube.
I seem unable to copy the link anyway it is by Randy Andretti and it is called Understanding why the Narcissist initiates and maintain no contact with a target.
I know, we are not talking about Narcissists here, but I think that my ex had a comorbidity and maybe I am not the only one.
Randy Andretti says , among other things, that it is shame who keeps them far from us. That shame could cause an emotional breakdown if they meet us.

Someone else Can relate? What do you think. Is the shame a permanent state?

[UnforgivenII]

I have posted a thread . About shame and no contact. I would be glad if you guys could give me your opinion

[UnforgivenII]

I want to add that during the last discard he told me "if we were just friends,if I let you alone and i did not try with you, now I could see you."

[Moselle]

Yes I believe that shame is at the heart of the disease. It is deep-seated and I'm not sure they feel it as we do, but there is a deep darkness that they are nothing inside. This prompts the blame and splitting as a self-defense mechanism against this shame or nothingness.

How does this play into our shame as a partner of a BPD/NPD?

What role does our shame play in the dynamic?

[DazedD40]

I'm sorry but I do not buy this "shame" malarkey one bit!

They manipulate you, cheat on you, use you, berate you and in my ex girlfriends case knew exactly what she was doing during the discard phase yet has now gone in to hiding and moved on due to shame?

Load of rubbish if you ask me and an excuse to let them off the hook.