Sommerfugl
Fewer than 3 Posts
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1
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« on: August 28, 2016, 06:24:40 AM » |
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Hi everyone,
I'm a young man from Denmark, who recently broke up with my SO (let's call her KK) through 2½ year.
I suspect her of having BPD and that she has been emotional abusive towards me.
I really need help to see if my suspicions are true.
Our relationship began very romantic and passionate with a lot of overwhelming declarations of love. She would say things like: "you are the only person who really knows me and understands me" and "if we ever break up I'll die" or "if you ever break up I'll kill myself". I told her that she shouldn't feel that way, that it was too much being dependent on me to live. She kept saying it. Eventually, after two years, i told my psychologist about it (I'm diagnosed with skizotypal disorder, as in mental disorder, not personality disorder, and have been through a rough childhood) and she told me that I had to tell KK to stop saying such things. So I did. Her response was to come to me later and tell me she didn't feel like that anymore, which made me feel like she was saying: I don't love you that much anymore to feel that way.
We had great sex in the beginning, but later on she would lose interest in having sex with me, reducing it to a minimum focused on her cumming. Apparently she was always too exhausted from cumming to give me anything in return.
She would go from one study, to working with something completely different, starting an apprenticeship as a piercer. After she started piercing she changed her personality a lot. She looked so much up to her teacher and idolizing him even though he did nothing but use her as a cheap worker, not educating her and scolding her for his daughters' (they are both working for him) mistakes. Her personality began to look more and more like him. He was all she talked about.
She also began to be more and more aggressive. She would not hurt me, but throw things in the apartment scaring both me and the cat, being highly irritated she would stomp and sigh through the apartment, letting me know she was not pleased. Her temper would become shorter and shorter and I was constantly aware of not making her frustrated, angry or irritated. At the same time I was also obligated to not make her sad or being hurt myself as she then would be the victim and hurt herself by cutting. I was always afraid if she would be hurting herself.
She really hates herself. We are both transgender and suffer a lot from gender dysphoria. I tried to tell her something was wrong. She shouldn't feel that bad about herself. She had some mayor break downs and would feel completely hopeless wanting to kill herself and hurt herself. I tried for a year to get her into treatment for depression, but she wouldn't hear of getting help, nothing was wrong with her. In one of her breakdowns I called the emergency psychiatry and she got a couple of conversations with them. She then began to be open about the idea that she had depression and perhaps BPD. The psychiatry barely knew anything of her before they said all she had was stress and suddenly she didn't want treatment or anything anymore.
Within the first year of our relationship she kept talking about getting engaged until I finally gave in and proposed to her. She also plagued me to stretch my earlobes, because that would look so good on me, until I finally did it. She had her way of getting things the way she wanted. When we talked about getting breast operations, she would tell me it was more important that I got my breasts removed rather than she got her enhanced. Then she would go sob about how awful she felt because her breasts were too small until I told her she could have her operation first, because I knew how much it meant to her. I heard from a common friend after the break up that KK always thought she should go first and intended to do so, she said “I have to just think about myself”. So instead of being honest with me, she played me to get what she wanted.
She’s always been bad to talk about her feelings and tell me if anything is wrong. After half a year with a lot of miscommunication and fights, I told her I had to move out, that it was the only way I could see our relationship last. So I rented an apartment for a month. But it’s hard to get a place to live in Copenhagen, so I had to move back for a while. I moved back after she went on vacation with her parents. She left the apartment in chaos. I cleaned most of her dishes while she was away. On the day she came home I bought roses and chocolate for her and picked her up in the airport. Everything was fine until we came home. Suddenly the roses were laying on the table without water, the love was forgotten and everything was just wrong. I hadn’t cleaned up, I had spilled some tomato on the stove, she was disappointed, everything was a mess, she had expected me to do more. So because I didn’t clean up her mess, she was angry with me. As so many times before we fought, but I gave in and told her I was sorry. We made up and everything was fine, and we cleaned up together, until the next day when she got irritated again that there was still not completely cleaned. I began to be anxious, because I knew where this led to. I asked her if we could talk and she said yes, so I told her in a very nonthreatening way how I felt. She got very irritated with me anyway and I began to cry. She then acted cold and distanced towards me, so I broke up, but quickly withdraw it, but she said she wouldn’t give us a second chance. She had tried, there was nothing more to do. She then threw me out of the apartment and wanted me to pack my stuff right away.
In spite of all this I still love her and want her back. I want to help her get better, I want her to get happy.
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