Hope I'm not alone...

[LovingMama]

Hi all, I have just joined the site and wanted to introduce myself. I'm LovingMama, I am 45, happily married, live in South Africa, two kids, daughter is 20, son is 17 and recently diagnosed with BPD. This is the first of many diagnoses, first one at age 6, ADD, then went on to Tourette's and then Bipolar. Have spent the last 11 years going from one doctor to the next, changing meds and being admitted. He has an incredible IQ but no ability to manage, take responsibility, or motivate himself. His rages are legendary and because he is so intelligent, arguing with him is pointless. Over the last couple of years the bullying at school has become intolerable , his anxiety is so out of control that most days he won't even get out of the car. Any advice on how to help myself and my gorgeous boy?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Mutt]

Hi LovingMama



I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm so sorry hear that your S17 ( son 17 ) is being bullied at school. I can see how that would be emotionally distressing for your so and hard for a parent to see a loved one struggle with going to school.

You'll find many members here that can relate with you and offer you support. It helps to near as much you can about BPD, you'll quickly see the benefits and become proficient over time. Does your son have siblings? I can see how school would be very stressful and how it would be difficult to regulate your emotions. Has  learned CBT skills?

I'm glad that you decided to join us there is hope.

[LovingMama]

Hi Mutt

Thanks for your reply... .yes he has an older sister who struggles to understand what he is all about, and as his diagnosis is so new, quite frankly so do we... .He's currently in hospital but will be home soon and I am terrified about how to react, have been reading as much as possible on the do's and dont's but I'm somewhat overwhelmed. Really worried we say the or do the exact opposite of what we should. Have no CBT skills as yet. There is also the added fact of do we continue with school for the year, or do we just help in trying to get him better? Am hoping that his Doctor will give us some advise in that direction, but I'm also not convinced the Dr is a BPD specialist. Very good Psychiatrist but not sure if he is what son needs in terms of long term therapy.

[Mutt]

Hi lovingmama,

I would feel worried and unsure too. I think that it helps when someone suffers from mental illness share their mental illness with loved ones that are non judgmental and understanding, it goes a long ways when we don't feel alone? Your son hasn't changed and I know that you already know this but mental illness is not a label.

You're on the right path, you sound like a compassionate mother, you're looking for help, asking questions and looking out for your son's best interests. It helps to learn as much as we can about our loved ones mental illness, to understand what they're going through and that the behaviors are not personal. Today's parents have a lot of demands and if we do 20% we're doing really good.

I would feel uncomfortable too if the P ( psychiatrist ) was not familiar with BPD, I would keep looking to find a P that understands the needs of a loved one. I'll give you a link for NAMI and BPD, you'll find your local state and a number on the right side of the pafge.

We also have many useful and practical tools and lessons on the right side of this board that will provide skills to undertand / communicate / cope when a family member suffers from BPD.  

www.nami.org/Learn-More/Mental-Health-Conditions/Borderline-Personality-Disorder

[LovingMama]

Mutt, just talking about this already makes it easier, but I guess you know that! I am still exploring the site and finding my way through but baby steps I suppose. We have always known that he probably suffered from some form of mental illness, the depths of which I have never fully understood until now. Over the last couple of years many people in the family (including myself) have asked the question of him "why can you just not do it.", never realizing the damage we were causing. So onwards and upwards, we have as much work to do as individuals as he does. Probably more xxx