Are PD's progressive sicknesses?

[bus boy]

I was my ex wife's first committed r/s. As I posted before, there was little to no love bombing, very short lived if any idealization phase. I was always told I treated her worse than anyone in her life, I heard this very often, and often told that BF's from her past treated her very well. I asked her about her r/s past and all she said was, " it's complicated " did someone break her heart before I met her and hatched the PD egg, on top of her sexually abusive grandfather. Did she fall in love with me and I triggered abandonment fears? She seems to be in full swing NPD/BPD mode. I say she seems so happy now but what she is doing to him and I doesn't equal love. I was often tested and I'm thinking lots today and it seems her BF is being tested a lot. It's not the first time she has called him and got him running as if I was threatening her. I was often tested and did good until, I see now she started to get me in the triangulation game and a few times I called her on it and didn't " protect " her. That could be the beginning of my devaluing. I think she was always a manipulator and controller but I was the botched experiment. She seems to have full control of this r/s. I was a mental mess but I still bucked her on pushing my family out of my life. Maybe her BF's fall from grace will be worse than mine bc he is put so high on a pedestal where I was just always tramped in the dust. If he starts seeing her power and control and pushes back she might start his devaluation. For the most part she bullied me and I took it, she did not respect me saw me a weak, a coward. He might tell her to take a flying f### and she would be all over that with respect. I'm putting to much energy into hoping he will see what I saw and it may never happen. In the mean time I hermit my life away at home all alone, stuck in my thoughts waiting for there r/s to crash. I am feeling good but what am I doing with it?

[joeramabeme]

Hi Bus Boy

I just have a quick comment to add after reading your post.  It seems that the whole nature of BPD is overwhelming to think through.  Kind of like thinking through it all as a fantasy that is too fantastical to be real; and yet it is.

For me I am recently finding that there is a certain element of recovery from all this that just requires accepting what the literature says about BPD.  Given the feelings and experiences I had with my ex I have struggled to get the nature of BPD into my core understanding; but it IS really true what is written. 

Being home alone and thinking through it all has a place and time, as long as it is amongst other experiences you are having to rebuild your life.

If it is of any help, i think it is very likely that the new BF will see and experience what you did. 

[Jacidrinkswine]

What does pd stand for in your post?

[bus boy]

Personality disorder

[kc sunshine]

I agree joeramabeme, although it is SO hard to do. It really is true what is written. This disease is such a hard one to accept I guess because, for those of us with high functioning exes, there's such a split between how they are with us and how they are with the world.

Hi Bus Boy

I just have a quick comment to add after reading your post.  It seems that the whole nature of BPD is overwhelming to think through.  Kind of like thinking through it all as a fantasy that is too fantastical to be real; and yet it is.

For me I am recently finding that there is a certain element of recovery from all this that just requires accepting what the literature says about BPD.  Given the feelings and experiences I had with my ex I have struggled to get the nature of BPD into my core understanding; but it IS really true what is written. 

Being home alone and thinking through it all has a place and time, as long as it is amongst other experiences you are having to rebuild your life.

If it is of any help, i think it is very likely that the new BF will see and experience what you did. 

[bus boy]

Yes that's it. High functioning ex partner. It's very difficult to wrap my brain around. I've heard so my negative things about every aspect of my character and my life that I believe it must be me. I am getting great feed back and it is opening up my mind more. I see her sickness more clear. She is a master at covert emotional abuse.

[gotbushels]

Hi bus boy 

I don't know about the progression.

I was always told I treated her worse than anyone in her life, I heard this very often, and often told that BF's from her past treated her very well. I asked her about her r/s past and all she said was, " it's complicated " did someone break her heart before I met her and hatched the PD egg, on top of her sexually abusive grandfather.

I got this too. I got, "You're the best boyfriend I've ever had"-type statements and "You're the worst boyfriend I've ever had"-type statements. Regarding your chicken-egg thing, I don't know what came first but mine had abusive father / mother / "sexually-abusive" exs. I quote that as I've realised I'm not sure if any of those were true. She also told me she was the one that "looked after others" in her house which I grew to doubt immensely after each month near the end.

[kc sunshine]

Like you, I also found it helpful to think about her past relationships and put mine in context of those. Interestingly the people that she was able to maintain friendships with, were those that broke up with her not vice versa. I wonder if that is common?