Coping with ill health and separation

[Derek1690]

Hello

I was recently diagnosed with a life threatening illness and during my subsequent treatment I became separated from my wife and family. I'm currently trying to cope with the loss of my family and my health at the same time, and it's proving very difficult.

I would be interested to hear how other people in a similar situation may have learned to cope. Thank you.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[uniquename]

Hi Derek. Welcome to bpdfamily! I'm so sorry to hear of your medical concerns and wish you well. It would help me to understand a little more about the separation. I see you're posting on the "Improving a Relationship With a Borderline Partner" board. Can you tell us more about your wife and why you are separated? I'm guessing from the board you don't want to be but I'm not sure. Thanks!

[livednlearned]

Derek1690, I'm so sorry you're dealing with these two challenges at once. Your health, and your family.

People with BPD don't tend to do well under stress, as you know. At the moment you need your wife, she is least likely able to show up and be there for you. It's extremely painful, and not fair.

What are you currently doing to help yourself cope? Do you have people in your support system or practices (mindfulness?) that help center you?

[Derek1690]

Thanks

At the start of my illness, which is chronic, I was very unwell and I expressed my anger and frustration, and my wife had me removed from the home.

I had been expecting this to be temporary, but after several weeks now it appears to be permanent.

I'm currently living with family members on my side.

I feel as if I'm in a maelstrom, and I'm now seeking support on how best to cope with the upheaval. Are there any on-the-ground support groups where you can meet face-to-face?

Thank you.

[livednlearned]

Depending on where you live, there may be a NAMI support group. In bigger cities, there are sometimes resources for families with BPD loved ones.

When you say your wife had you removed, do you mean by police?

[Derek1690]

Thank you

Yes, the police escorted me.

I am now looking for a flat and moving on.

What is NAMI?

[livednlearned]

It sounds like you might be in the UK?

In the US, there is NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness, and there are sometimes support groups depending on where you live. Tho, the support is not necessarily for BPD, so it's often carers of people with an assortment of mental health issues.

Was there physical violence involved? I'm sorry you are in this situation, and dealing with so much at once. Are you able to communicate with anyone in your family? Kids?