Dumb question, but do BPDs have distinct eyes?

[Depression = 72% of members]

This may sound dumb, but when i met my ex and we connected, it was her eyes that I connected with first. They pierced through me, and locked with mine. It may sound typical because i hear "we locked eyes" a lot... .but this was different.
I feel like her eyes also changed depending on her mood, whether it was sad or angry.

I've heard people with bipolar disorder change eyes like pupil size and even coloring, depending on if they are in a manic stage or not.

My ex, which I noticed especially after we broke up, had "crazy eyes" at times. Dead eyes I would say, lifeless. If i would say her name as she was staring at me, she would go "Hm?" like she just snapped out of another world.

It sounds like i am categorizing and maybe i have just seen a very small handful of BPD people, but the ones I have seen have similar eyes. I don't know how to explain it. Not necessarily color (though the ones I've seen tend to be blue) but they just have a certain look in them, and one that changes depending on mood.

[Indifferent28]

This may sound dumb, but when i met my ex and we connected, it was her eyes that I connected with first. They pierced through me, and locked with mine. It may sound typical because i hear "we locked eyes" a lot... .but this was different.
I feel like her eyes also changed depending on her mood, whether it was sad or angry.

I've heard people with bipolar disorder change eyes like pupil size and even coloring, depending on if they are in a manic stage or not.

My ex, which I noticed especially after we broke up, had "crazy eyes" at times. Dead eyes I would say, lifeless. If i would say her name as she was staring at me, she would go "Hm?" like she just snapped out of another world.

It sounds like i am categorizing and maybe i have just seen a very small handful of BPD people, but the ones I have seen have similar eyes. I don't know how to explain it. Not necessarily color (though the ones I've seen tend to be blue) but they just have a certain look in them, and one that changes depending on mood.

[gresmunkie]

The reason I connected and essentially got together with my ex was because I made a comment about how much I liked her eyes and made a Joke about our eyes being similar. It was like we 'locked eyes' as well and the rest is history. I cant really say I noticed a physical change to her eyes during the relationship however I commented numerous times about how she looked at me differently, in a bad way. Also the last time I saw her she was blaming me for the demise of the relationship and when I confronted her about her part in it, it was like a deer in the headlights like she was emotionless and speechless at the same time

[Indifferent28]

":)eer in headlights and emotionless and speechless"

YES! Thats exactly what i mean.
It's like they can suck you in through their eyes on good terms and then kill you with them when they're emotionless.

It's like you can actually feel the shift they are feeling towards you from white to black depending on their eyes.
If she posts a photo on facebook, I can usually tell her mood based on her eyes.

[steelwork]

There was a time, before he made any explicit overtures to me, when I caught him staring at me. We were in a small seminar together, and I looked over and he was looking at me with frank undisguised predatory lust. It was quite inappropriate (he was married, I was in a LTR), and I remember at the time dismissing it. I told myself, "He must be thinking of something/someone else and just happened to rest his eyes on me."

Later, in the aftermath, I remember saying to someone, ":) is a dangerous person." It was that moment, that look, that I was thinking of. I don't think he was overtly predatory or manipulative; I think it was behavior he absorbed early on. He used to tell me about his older brother giving him lessons on how to "get" women, and this may have been an automatic, unconscious habit of his.

But it has haunted me. Still haunts me all these years later.

[Sadly]

I have noticed my partners eyes go dead and flat, sort of the light goes out of them when he is heading into disregulation mode. Horrible. Yet he had the most beautiful eyes when we were happy. Hard to describe but it's like looking into the eyes of a corpse.

[Skip]

There are studies that show that when people are highly emotionally aroused that their pupils dilate. There is definitely a different look when someone is in this state.

Not to point out the obvious, but we don't generally see how we look when we're the same state.

It is also true that people who hyperfocus (BPD, OCD, etc), tend to hyper-focus visually on things.

I'm not sure that people with BPD have anything going on with their eyes.  It might be more appropriate to say that they are more often in emotional states that we can read the of their eyes. And that we also have emotional states that can be read through our eyes.

[enlighten me]

I agree with skip. I dont think that the eyes are a BPD thing in themselves. There is something to it from what ive read and experienced.

We all can express emotions through our eyes. Sad eyes happy eyes tired eyes etc.

With BPD it could just be that the eyes display these emotins more towards the intensity that the pwBPD is feeling them.

One thread that caught my attention a while ago was about dilated pupils and BPD. Curious about this I read up and opiates will produce this but so will the hormone oxytocin. This is the bonding hormone. We may associate dilated pupils and the happy persona with a viable partner.

Theres a lot that we pick up on subconsciously maybe the shift in moods means that we notice them as we see them more often with a pwBPD.

[adventurer]

I've been reflecting back on my last two relationships and their beginnings. One common factor in both was the way the women would look very deeply into my eyes, pretty much upon first meeting. Like the kind of eyes you read about in poetry, pools of water, or whatever metaphors have been spun.

At the time, it just felt like we had some magical vibe, but now I believe that it was a sign of an idealization and love-bombing occurring. Why would someone I just met be looking at me like that, they don't even know me? And, of course, why was I so 'receptive' to that and so quick to escalate into jumping into bed with them?

[Kowalski]

My UstbxBPD/NPDw has green eyes, and they were stunning. Yeah... .It was her eyes at first. They were magic. I could stare into them for hours.

I remember during the initial stages of the relationship, she kept saying that I had a certain look in my eyes that she was always trying to capture in her camera but never could. Something magical. Something about the depths of love I felt for her.

As time went on and things devolved, we looked into each others' eyes less and less.

[Moselle]

I also think the eye characteristics are not BPD related but related to any state of heightened emotion. Ours or theirs.

One behaviour I have noticed is the averting of the eyes. My ex cannot look at me and neither can her family for that matter. I think it is due to the shame she/they feel.

[Larmoyant]

Towards the end of our relationship my ex said he wanted my eyes to sparkle again and to look at him like I used to. This really surprised me as he tended to avert his eyes and never seemed to really look at me. I asked him about this once and he said it was because he had slight hearing loss which made no sense to me. Also, when he did look at me it was as if he was looking directly behind me.

[Pretty Woman]

It's funny you mention this. If I look at pictures I can see a vacancy in her eyes. Something is off. In fact I notice in every picture she is in the back and very disconnected.  I noticed this years ago but it's interesting you mentioned it today. 

[Larmoyant]

Yes, disconnected. I’ve read that pwBPD can feel completely disconnected, empty and detached maybe that’s what we were seeing? The detached protector mode (schema therapy)?

[hurting300]

Those eyes. That's called the (Thousand yard stare)

[JJacks0]

Whenever my ex would rage, I could tell when she was "back" so to speak, by her eyes.
It was a very noticeable difference.

As many have described, there was an emptiness... .it was eerie, almost like she wasn't even present, her body was just moving. And when the episode was over I knew it because I could see the light in her eyes come back - like she had returned. I don't know how else to describe it but you know it when you see it. Very sad.

[bus boy]

Good topic. Mine had "the eye's" as well. That freaky stare, looking right through you, cold and piercing. Like she was in a trance.

[tryingsome]

During a heightened statemy ex would also have the frantic dilated eyes. As mentioned that is a fairly common thing in an aroused state.

The ONE thing though I vividly recall is in my perfect moments of camlness, when I was pretty much unemotional, her eyes would dart. Looking at my left eye, looking at my right eye; almost like she did not know where to focus to see an emotional clue. It as rare, but usually happened when I was at ease at the reaponse I was giving. In some ways I felt for her, as she was looking for somehong to attach to. Still the darting eyes back and forth-> creepy.

[enlighten me]

I had a friend in military intelligence. They where given a test where a series of pictures are shown to them of a face at different stages of emotion.  The first shows no emotion wheras the tenth shows the full emotion be it a smile a scowl confusion etc. The normal point for picking up emotions is around a six. She told me of a woman that she suspected of being BPD (she had done a degree in pschology) who was picking up at around three.

PwBPD are very good at guessing peoples moods so when we are calm and emotionless it must be very confusing. This is possibly why tryingsomes ex had those frantic eyes.

[StayStrongNow]

There are studies that show that when people are highly emotionally aroused that their pupils dilate. There is definitely a different look when someone is in this state.

Thank you for this Skip, this is exactly the case with my stbxBPDw.

Her pupils would dilate whenever she was having an episode. The police would note it on their police reports (last Wednesday in fact). Photos she would take even when not in a full blown episode would indicate her dilated pupils. Now her pupils are almost constantly dilated. She is on Trazadone and still mixing with alcohol.